Hello Folks, I am note sure if I am in right section for this kind of thread. In case I am not: Please move it. Thank you!
As some of you may know from my previous posts I am still trapped in “the void” between religious beliefs and the desire to break free and liberate myself. I have read a lot of books about magick but that’s it. And this has been going on for years. Me struggling between being a good buddhist and finally breaking free and claim power.
Quite recently the pull towards the arts we call Black Magick is getting stronger. The desire to dive into the Darkness is always present in my head. Every silent moment it feels like something is calling me. I do not know what this is. Yay, I am finally shizophrenic!
So last night something strange happend. I stopped thiking. I had a look on Sigil Magick and how to use it. I prepeared paper, a black marker and looked up Azazels Sigil in Evoking Eternity. I was sure: If I want to find out what this strange calling is I would have to ask Azazel.
Since I read everywhere that his name alone is enough to call him I thought it was obvious that I unconsciously made contact, since I read BofA alot (during the times I am not religiosly bound).
I sat down on the ground on a cushion, a candle to my left and one to my right. I had the Sigil prepared and followed the steps given in the link Lady Eva posted in New Magicians Help. The Chant “Itz Rel Itz Rel Azazel” came to my mind and I used it while gazing at the sigil.
I visiualized myself finally finding my magickal path. Finally practicing the Art I was reading about. I visualized myself being guided by spirits on that Path. I envisioned myself finally gaining power and control over my own life.
Finally accepting my desire, the desire that I want power, felt so liberating. It went counter to the buddhist beliefs but it felt so right. I claimed power that moment and in an instant courage filled my body together with certain kind of wrath, which I knew would help me on my path.
I realized the light of the candles “getting darker”. It literally went darker in my room, this was no trick played to me by my eyes. And a few words came to my mind: My path is the path of power! These came out of nowhere and these words didn’t feel like my own. I found myself whispering these words without a clear order from my own brain.
Though I didn’t see the lines of the sigil actually “flashing” in the sense of the word. I see the Lines blur (which didn’t came from narrowing my eyes) and disappear. Even the Paper and part of my hand disappeared sometimes, leaving kind of a void to stare in in front of me.
In the final stage I asked for advise or at least some kind of message where to start. I now realize that I already found my starting point. I have everything I need, I just have to start.
I got goosebumps during this. I had the same experience whith the Meditations from WoD. I feel “electrified” in a way I didn’t feel when I work with “light” or the elements. I cannot say if this experience has a magickal source or some kind of psychological, resulting from the fact that I played with something seen as forbidden and dark.
Any toughts on this are deeply appreciated! And what do I do with the Sigil now? Keeping it for further use?
Thanks for reading through this long post!