Look up using a regular deck of cards instead of tarot for divination. If you start using a regular deck she’ll only have to worry whether you’re gambling not worry for your soul if that’s her problem.
Cartomancy is exactly that, I used to that before I used tarot. I need to practice some readings with it. It’s fun ngl, it challenges my intuition a lot more.
I want to learn coffee grounds and wax reading too.
Dunno if this would help but mybe make yourself a smiple pendulum? An old key on a string or even a small stone or rock? A necklace you no longer wear?
My grandma had a pendulum, I have it now
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Legit forgot I could use that too, thank you for mentioning it!
-Being dominating is not having people under you, it’s more. It’s being able to command without question.
-First you lose. When you lose you understand value. When you understand value, you understand. When you respect yourself, you will demand respect from others.
-Glamors are beyond physical things. Mind games are called what they are for a reason.
29th November, 2021
3rd December, 2021
Difficult days. I was on the edge of getting burnt out, and Aeshma told me to rest. It was something on my mind of course, but I needed that push. I have been meditating regularly, except yesterday when I just wanted to sleep.
Teal Swan mentions about the feminine, that the first introduction we have with the feminine is our mother. And although for my mom we have a “good” relationship, it certainly isn’t healthy. My first introduction to the feminine is someone who doesn’t like vanity, who views gifts as obligations and, well the list can go on and on.
“There is so much resentment you have,” Azazel pointed to my heart. It looked like a green orb, but was covered with something the color of moss. I don’t feel it per se, but sometimes it comes bubbling up as rage, as pain, as something that’s very suffocating.
I can turn all I feel into art for as long as I want, but I can never truly heal if I’m constantly living with my trigger. I dread seeing her, I dread going out, I don’t feel like doing anything if it involves her in any single way. But the crumbs of kindness and something motherly I see hurts me even more.
It’s funny, it’s complicated, the way I am right now. Can’t confront, because it’lll give me additional trauma, always has. I do not feel ready to take that risk, because I’ll have to be physically in her presence tomorrow. Every word, every phrase ticks me off.
I listened to Rose Quartz frequency today:
I will meditate with Santa Muerte, and go to sleep.
Good night everyone, I hope you have a great day ahead.
17th December, 2021
I am in my hostel now, away from home and honestly,apart from the occasional boredom I’ve never felt this much peace. We’re still having classes online so my mom told me on call yesterday, to come back home if they’re not calling us to campus. Which, nope. Not going back this soon, not sorry.
She was surprised to see I wasn’t sad. I only miss my dogs.
My roommates are good, the room is…as spacious as it can be. It’s not bad. The food is good too. I only haven’t made a schedule yet, so I don’t do any studies outside class hours. My roommates and I were watching a movie yesterday (When Marnie Was There). It’s a good movie.
I’ve went a little off track with magick. I’ll have to do many things astrally, because there’s no space to do anything physically here (which is one drawback). Which means that working astrally is what I’m trying to learn rn.
My attention span has lowered, I can only meditate for 5 minutes before thinking it’s enough. Azazel has also pointed it out.
I finally, finally ordered a crystal.
I am happy.
That’s all for this entry. I hope everyone has a good day.
25th December, 2021
Merry Yule/Christmas/ whatever you celebrate, or don’t.
We are officially 6 days away from beginning 2022.
I am back home for the weekend. At first I was averse to the idea of coming back here, but I thought I could get some magick done and get my tarot deck. My friend also wanted oreos, so those too.
First I’d like to thank @MiKu for the free candle. There have been changes at home, energetically and a bit in the people as well. They are…communicating, and giving me space and recognising that it is time that I start growing.
I have applied for a 6 month internship(?), as a content writer. I mean, maybe it’s too early, but hey, I gotta take the oppurtunity when I see it.
We also had a graphology workshop, which was very interesting. They mentioned thinking of adding it to our curriculum, so there’s that. It would be a useful tool if they do.
I am doing good. I meditate, as I did and do. Currently, apart from academics I don’t have too much going on. There are a lot of assignments, and I plan to get them done by this weekend or Monday. We have a holiday the next week, the whole week. I am going back to my hostel on Monday.
I haven’t told about the week long holiday at home. It feels odd, to lie about holidays, most lie about classes. But, the thing about me being a mediator, has not changed. And I want to spend the holidays by, not being mediator.
I want to watch movies and go out and enjoy with my friends.
How are you all doing?
Sometimes writing this journal feels like I’m talking to a mirror, and not a wall. Odd? Maybe. The world is a little odd right now.
I don’t watch the news, it makes me stressed OTL
But, I am loving my life. It gets hectic, of course, but I love it. And I love and am grateful for the magick and the spirits and friends and the trauma that have enabled me to do so.
Thank you everyone,
I hope you have an amazing rest of the year, and start 2022 with a cheer and live your dreams.
This is all for this entry.
Till next time
I am back home because of the covid situation in the city where my college is, and I’m feeling shittier than ever. It’s not something that I am unaffected by, I am quite affected even after trying to not bother. I have been getting snapped at, or being told that I don’t do one thing or the other. My creativity has reached a stagnant point and I haven’t been mediating either.
I don’t have much to say, but I wanted to update this because it’s been a long time. I wanted to not come on here and complain but I don’t have any “good” things to update with.
I hope everyone has a good day ahead.
Sound totally like him
hey, i love you n i hope you kno that you MATTER. i understand how it feels to emotionally be at a blockage and to also have no motiviation. b easy on yourself. it’s not easy at times to b home and to receive constant nagging and then on top of that having to take care of yourself.
sometimes needing to meditate can be hard to do. it isn’t easy to get yourself to meditate and each day am i in a battle with myself - having to force myself to meditate. you AREN’T alone. you are doing your best and each lil progress u make u should b proud of yourself. <3
be gentle on urself, ok? you matter.
@rat Thank you so much I needed to hear that, thank you
It’s a tough spot to be cos I’ve been there too. I’m sorry Onny, I believe you’ll get through it. Stay Stronger!!
10th January, 2022
I’m feeling much better right now. Thank you to my lovely friends and my guides and ancestors for supporting and being there for me through it. I truly appreciate you and I’m grateful for you
Today, tonight, I have clarity again. It feels to feel clarity again.
I have understood that whatever happened in the past few days was just, my mum being stressed out because of her own difficulties, and everyone else too and it all came pouring down on me. There’s this thing we studied, I think it was regarding safety or something (I clearly need to revise lol) but it basically said that everyone will look and opt for the safer option. It is safer for an employee to take his anger on his boss out on his subordinate and not the boss. The subordinate to his subordinate, and that subordinate to his family, so on. Like if a teacher is angry at someone else, the next class becomes the target.
I am the safest option of all, because I do not take out my anger on anyone. I can obviously, I have juniors and I am friends with younger people at school. But I don’t, because they don’t need or deserve my anger. They have done nothing for it. They have done nothing to me to get scolded. So I try to alchemize this anger, I try to dissect it instead of just letting it flow down to the next person. I talk to my friends about it, my guides about it.
All my hurt these past few days, all my anger, was because I wanted to not be the safe option anymore, because I was tired of being the safe option. Because it left me in a space where I couldn’t take care of my own self emotionally. My cup keeps getting stolen from. I was angry and hurt because I couldn’t find a way out of it, and I wanted them to notice it, because telling them about it wouldn’t help. Never has.
I learnt a bit about planetary squares yesterday, and about some hoodoo today. There’s something I am considering, which I will tell her after I’ve discussed it with my guides.
For noe though, I will be meditating to Lilith, and going to sleep.
Good night everyone. I hope you have an amazing day ahead
P.S: Lucifer is back
Your evocation of him was very insightful. I hope you post more of your practice soon! Keep it up and maybe get some of that anger and stress out in a piece of art? ;D
It’s always my pleasure you know I’m as grateful for you btw
Remember that they will never lead to the solution. It must come from within because everything does. You are amazing and beautiful and until you constantly know and believe that nothing will change😖 but you will always have your friends to pull you up when you fall so don’t worry in not going anywhere as long as you need me❤
love u bb we r here 4 u
Message me whenever you need to talk