In my spiritual practice I have been moving towards becoming a God, which was oftentime a painful and challenging process. Last night, whilst meditating, I had a major realisation, which was given to me courtesy of Azazel.
I have been struggling with my dark side for the longest time. Like most people, I have been trying to deny it, suppress it. I did not want to acknowledge my evil, destructive side, thinking it is necessary to be „good” in the traditional sense to achieve godhood. Since this is the message RHP religions constantly project, it is an understandable misconception.
The breakthrough was triggered by my brief exposure to images of spiritual alchemy and the balancing of dualities on this site, which I only glanced at briefly as I was looking for material to read. However, that brief glance triggered a deep realisation in me on how I have been suppressing an entire side to me, that is crucial and the only way to achieve balance.
I now realise that becoming a God isn’t about good and evil, but about free will transcending such arbitrary categorisations, about rising beyond the traditional realisations regarding the true nature of things. All Gods have a light and dark side, that is the only way to keep balance in the universe. Creation and destruction must act in unison and in balance.
Shiva is perhaps the best manifestation of that principle. He is the destroyer, but also the god of fertility, rejuvenation and rebirth. One cannot exist without the other. A Lioness is ultimate evil to the antelope she is eating alive, but the personification of goodness and benevolence to her cubs, who depend on her for sustenance and protection.
You cannot protect those you love, if you are weak. You must be a fierce warrior on the one hand, to have the ability to be a benevolent protector and nourisher on the other. Another good example of this is Inanna-Ishtar, the Goddess I chiefly work with. She is Goddess of War and Love, expressing this very duality.
So, I have now come to terms with my dual nature and as I grew to accept the Truth, it was like a dam broke and energy centres I barely knew existed went into overdrive in my body and I felt the most incredible surge of energy in me, which I can only compare to being hit by lightning. As that energy was surging through me, I felt incredibly powerful, like a God and realised that I have no limitations, I can do whatever I want, because the normal dualistic rules no longer applied.
I fused my dualities, the opposing forces that were previously fighting for dominance in me and became Non-Dual. I came to realise, that the main reason we are weak (as opposed to the Gods) is due to our dualistic nature. Most of our energies are taken up by this constant fight and struggle for dominance between our opposing natures, like male-female, good-evil, light-dark, solar-lunar, etc…
However, we are in error, when we allow that to happen, in Truth, we must harness both our sides, transmute them and fuse them into one, which is what spiritual Alchemy is all about. When both our sides work in unison, in synthesis, we not only double our personal power, in truth we grow it by orders of magnitude, because most of it was taken up by pointless infighting in any case, cancelling out the vast majority of it and making only a tiny portion available to achieve our purpose.
It is liberating to know that our path is what we make of it, nothing is chosen for us in advance, except what we agree on beforehand, prior to our incarnation in this form. We are all potential Gods, but suppress our true nature through pointless duality of being and purpose.
I have also come to realise something I read about Kundalini Awakening in Gopi Krishna’s books a while ago. He described his enlightenment and transformation into a higher-being, a god-man, one that lives in Heaven all the time and walks with the Gods. I didn’t quite get what he meant by no longer having dual energies (as a man, his masculine-solar side was overactive initially, causing unbearable heat and much suffering in him), but only One type of energy, a fusion of opposites, where there was no longer any dualistic distinction. This fusion of dualities is also present in Inanna’s worship as she was known to merge male and female in a person and there are several depictions of it in Hinduism, where Shiva and Shakti symbolically become one being.