Not a Magick issue, but would like advice

So, as I have said, my family and I are moving. The trip down is 9 hours. However, two months from then, my brother is getting married. He currently lives in NJ with his girl friend. So from where we’ll live after we move, that will be nine hours of a trip to and from.

Also, I should point something out. I’m gonna get shit for this, but I’m not a fan of the tradition of marriage. I’m sorry, I just think many of this world’s traditions, beliefs, and values make no sense. However, my brother is all for traditional values. So, I let him live his life so I can live mine.

In addition to that, I’d like to also state that I am high functioning autistic and deal with social anxiety. Through out my life, social situations have made me feel miserable. I usually don’t know how to talk to large groups, or contribute to the conversation. Especially if I have nothing in common with anyone, or if I don’t know them at all. As an adult, there are some I’d brave my anxiety for, but not a wedding.

I’d also like to point out that I can drive and have made many personal trips. However, I can travel an hour or two on my own. This is a 9 hour trip, and my family would rather take a single car. This is difficult for me because, if I would like to leave, I need everyone else I came with to leave with me. And they may not want to.

So essentially, I’ll be attending a ceremony I don’t believe in, having to talk to people I don’t know, dealing with the anxiety, and above all will not be able to leave without having someone else accommodate me. And I don’t plan on asking “Can we go now?” like a 10 year old kid.

You may be asking. Am I close to my brother? No. He and I have been treading different paths since I believe high school. He’s very mathematical and scientific. I’m very creative and philosophical. He’s all about tradition and I’m unorthodox. He’s religious while I’m anti-religious. I’d say that the reasons he and I are so different is because of my autism. His social successes have allowed him to travel a more traditional path. My condition has alienated me, so I gravitated to anything that’s helped me cope. Not to mention, he was very un-supportive of me in the past. Today, he’s trying but he still comes off as critical. We are like night and day; dark and light. Currently we’re friendly, but bonding is just so pain.

In all truth, I’m left with two difficult decisions. I can go, be anxious, and require special accommodations that would impact the experience of others. Or I can just not attend, feel fine, but also be the selfish jerk who didn’t attend his brother’s wedding. While he and I aren’t close, and Mairrage isn’t something I believe in, I do recognize this as something special for him; that he’d want me there for. However, I wish I conditions were different. I’d like to attend the ceremony, stay for dinner, then leave when I feel like, letting everyone else enjoy themselves. However, without a car of my own, I’d have to rely on an uber and my family isn’t a fan of that idea. I’d rather not have to rely on parents for this. But, unless I drive a car up there, 9 hour drive, I might have to. And I’d rather let everyone else have a good time. I’m not sure what I should do.

Autism sucks!


Well, it sounds like you have made up your mind. Kindly decline the offer, inform your family that you feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to go into detail, maybe get a small gift, and something that says “congratulations on your big day, wish I was there”

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Actually I want to go. This is still important to my brother.

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What about facetime/zoom/skype/teams or any other type of remote presents? Also, I understand your feelings about people’s practice or lifestyles, I just say to each their own, well unless it hurts another person. But 80% of it I’m okay with, the other 20% “not cool, don’t hurt people”


Just one last thing, I do think it’s awesome you want to support your brother!

I mean he is my brother. Plus, it is a sort of social contract. If I don’t go, then it won’t make me look good.

I had a rather small wedding. Several of my relatives didn’t come. A few of them were older and some didn’t come for health reasons. One of my younger relatives skipped it because she had exams then.
If you really want to go, it is one thing, but if you would really rather not, you can just give a gift.

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I think in an ideal situation, I’d go. I just don’t want to feel like a little kid who has to rely on others to allow him the ability to leave.


I think if you make a important choice in your life which you would enjoy to be recogniced from others you wouldnt like people to fail you

I mean you dont care about marriage and such but he cares

so I would put it. in this perspective, think something you would like your brother to recognice and stand by your side (which is important to you but not to him) would he stand by you?

if you know he would then go
if he would not, then you own him nothing

anyway if you realize you want to go:
make an anti anxiety totem (calming crystal word of power etc) like make a totem that will really calm you and have it on your left pocket, whenever you get anxious just put your hand in your pocket and touch it

Plus, it’s part of social contract. Even if I don’t believe in weddings, I still gotta go to one for family if I can help it. If I can go but choose not to, then I’m kind of a dick.

Sounds like you have a bunch of time to prepare.

Personally I’d be doing some affirmations leading up to it like “why do I always feel so at ease in social situations?” And also perhaps take the time to work on yourself. Like check out the Mystical Words of Power rituals, or summon some entity and petition them to change your mindset to one of peace and acceptance