I’ve never told anyone I’m grateful for having the ability to feel pain. It may sound a little strange, but through the pain of being cast out, rejected and belittled so many times, I think some of my greatest successes stemmed from my greatest failures.
I’m sure many people have at some point had this pressure to “fit in”. My family, whenever I contribute to a discussion, verbally insult me. Do I choose to be bothered by their insults? No, because I recognize I see the universe differently than most people, even those I hold dear. My family have taught me a lot about society, but they can never be more wrong about who I actually am. Even if they looked through my occult books, I don’t think they’d really understand what summoning a demon or god actually means, let alone being an Initiate in so-and-so tradition.
Additionally I turned to Satanism (and as a result the occult in general) in a time of doubt, rejection and despair when a friend that I really liked told me not to text them again, and wouldn’t tell me why. To be fair I’m not sure they understood my intentions when I tried to talk to them but I don’t think it excuses them from the really shitty way they dealt with it. And to my knowledge this person hasn’t grown from it. They just pushed me away without another thought. Fine. Let them be weak and not reconcile with their circumstances. If they use their anxiety problems and “uniqueness” to run away from their problems instead of taking their own pill and standing up for what that challenges, that’s not a person I want to be around. A strong person would recognize that chronic anxiety is a condition that they can weaken by actions and thoughts as well as medications, and being part of a minority (racial, sexual, religious and so forth) means just being comfortable with yourself without herd approval. Don’t rub it in the faces of others.
Unfortunately it’s really lost and “peaceful” wannabe fluff-bunny vegan God-loving types of people who are likely to rub their “specialness” in your face. You’re only special if you have the ability to rise above yourself, accept pain as it is, and most importantly learn from what you experienced. I can swear that in personality that aforementioned bitch of a person hasn’t changed themselves a bit. They have a disposable consumer lifestyle and hide that beneath a Wiccan mask and are vegan for “ethnic” reasons. (I don’t have anything against vegans but I don’t understand why some people decide that it’s wrong to just take some animal milk for anything other than some RHP religious reason. Obviously if you can’t have milk or you are more fit because of it, don’t have milk, but you don’t want milk and you still eat vegan mac’n’cheese because you like mac’n’cheese?).
If you cry because you can’t face the painful reality, that’s what will defeat you. If you cry because you’re accepting pain without the need to withhold it, that’s a sign you understand how important pain is. The next step would be to decide that, in spite of the pain, you’re going to live your life fully and without remorse for the far past. That’s over and it should be learnt from. Life is now and life is ours to decide. No excuses. Create yourself now. It might be your only chance.
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Beautiful post. 
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