I’ve been living in the darkness lately and divng deeper into nihilism and self absorbing satanism as in life has no inherent meaning we are just talking apes living on a rock floating in the emptiness of space with no real purpose… I am not dead yet even though I wish I was so I am embracing the flesh and materialistic love for earthly pleasure and treasures… at this point I don’t think there is life after death or even an astral spirit realm because I am flesh bound and can’t escape the body… I do acknowledge magick and that there are unknown things not discovered by science but I think honestly that the demonic experiences I and everyone else on BALG including EA are having are just results of over active imagination and silly mind games (mostly used to sell products and his written works its all hocus pocus mumbo jumbo)… I have experienced demons such as Azazel but I think it was all result of my mind and inner energy either playing tricks on me or some form of psychosis… I don’t want to put you guys down but believing in the spiritual and in God’s let alone demons is imo just insane nonsense… In short there is no God no devil other than the act of good and evil within and no on cares…sorry to disappoint or be a let down but I have to be logical and for me that’s embracing the flesh and negative philosophy like nihilism…
So from now on I am an earth bound flesh embracing and pride loving talking ape with no remorse or emotion for other human animals… I’ll still study the occult for entertainment purposes and to gain knowledge but all this conjuring spirits demons shit is done and over with its just not practical or useful… I’m being my own God now and in no need of help from so called pagan gods…
*continuing…
My only focus is on the physical the earthly pleasure of the flesh and materialistic treasures I have become Mammon in a sense and dropped all love for the heavens for the riches of the earth… spiritual gain has no meaning only this body is real and only this moment matters…
Nihilism isn’t about being negtive, it about living every day to you fullest because you will one day die. its about saying “yes” to everything because you might not get the chance to say yes again.
Nihilism was not created to be negative, it was created to open the eyes of the masses to dogma and bullshit of the church and media. The point was so that every person can live to the fullest and become content with death because one day we will all die, we are not immortal and nihilism points this out as its main point.
yes nihilism can be depressing sometimes and those who follow it tend to be depressed, but i doubt any of those edgelords have picked up a book on nihilism, i doesn’t and isn’t depression or negative, it looks that way because its main philosophy is about death.
I digress, i don’t want to see you like this and want to see you become the best version yourself, I’m going to give you this:
Hey i always ask people to pm me for stuff not because I’m a creep, but because i tried to commit suicide(I’m better now) and a close friend of mine succeeded, i find that when given the option to talk about what’s on there mind, they do. It really helps a lot of people and make them feel much better. And if you needed it you could ask me for my number because sometime you just can go onto a forum and really need a ear to listen.
Well good old Fred did die I believe from going insane and running into traffic that’s just a story I heard though much like Crowley who also lost his mind and went insane because of his philosophy and drug use… Yes it’s depressing and yes it sucks but not much I can do about it but embrace this flesh and wait for death and logically there most likely isn’t a heaven or hell or rebirth or some form of after life and you just rot and become rigor mortis… 
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It’s both negative and positive for me embracing the flesh and just focus on enjoying earth and its treasures but it’s also depressing because I am just a bag of protein and water that someday is going to expire under the ground…
I’ve also tried the spiritual paths of Buddhism Hinduism and Pagan paths like Shamanism…all though meditation is good I just don’t see any point in the RHP thinking that we are all here to love each other and we all go to heavens or beautiful places when we die or get reborn as turkeys or frogs and shit…
I get you mijo, but those paths where created to to help people ascend, and life gets a little better when you have others to share it with, so please pm me if you need ANYTHING at all, okay?
Sure I’m a bit down in the dumps but I’ll be fine I’m enjoying the physical life and just doing things like eating sleeping spending money that isn’t mine etc hell even picked up smoking again to get rid of stress and cause cancer so if I do get real down ill just smoke two packs a day and go from there…
Haven’t you got practical recordable results in the physical world by working with the demons? That’s how you know it’s not just a trick on your mind. I haven’t seen everything the demons can do, but I’ve seen enough to make me believe that there is so much more potential like the traditions say. As for BALG and EA, experiment with what they teach. Personally I’ve picked things up from BALG that have increased my success with magick
Just remember that you have a choice to enjoy the positive or dwell on the negative. You have that power, and always will, no matter how you feel. I have found that sometimes, meditation and getting to the place beyond emotion and thought is the only way I can pull through.
What we believe is always our choice. If you feel for now that such a belief suits you, go for it. Just be ready to destroy that belief and adopt a new one if/when you see the need or have a desire for it.
Then perhaps just focusing on meditation might be a good thing for now, while you continue to enjoy the pleasures of this world? Do what you need to do to destress and feel better, but I don’t want to see you suffering for no reason. Whatever you do, make sure it is what you Will, and not just coming from a fleeting emotional state.
And even if the result of your magickal successes when working with demons are just purely from your own energy, while I don’t personally hold that more atheistic type of belief, what matters most is that it’s a path to attaining real power and success either way.
The way I view it is when we call upon demons angels or whatever and get responses from them it is just our own minds and inner energy responding therfore it’s all us doing the magick and performing the rituals there are actually no demons in the altar room with you and it’s just your personal energy being realised into the atmosphere…
Yes if anything I got from the spiritual wackado nonsense is that meditation is good science can prove that it changes the brain shape and gives you higher alpha waves which causes more relaxation and less anxiety…
I think that you lack a trust in the inherent love present in the act of being alive.
Well the emotion of love is something I don’t have any true experience with… 
But do you believe you can…How did Crowley put it again? Causing Change to occur in conformity with Will through non physical means with this energy?
Everything you experience is the result of your internal state.
How many pushups can you do?
And what does your typical day’s food intake look like?
Do you drink much water in a day?
Partially true but at the end of the day if it brings the user success it doesn’t matter.
I don’t imagine the touches on my body. I do not ask to see them. My energetic form senses them. You want to diagnose yourself with psychosis be my guest. But I refuse the designation. I will continue to meditate and align and evolve as a being and not worry about death because I have hope of my true godly potential this lifespan.