Shit, guess I’m three days behind?
Feb 10, '21 Wed:
Firstly, dream recall:
Only remember that yesterday I dreamt I was in a witchs house looking for something. She wasn’t home but would be back shortly. In the meantime I was going through her stuff looking for whatever it was.
The whole environment was very dark, kinda eerie and had a sort of abandoned vibe to it like a place that isn’t often inhabited. It was otherwise a fairly modern home.
This morning I didn’t remember any dreams but had a rather funny occurrence.
Not wanting to get up so soon, I kept hitting snooze.
At some point in an in-between state sitting there with my eyes closed, I suddenly see a woman in a space that lacks any detail other than the dimensions and boundaries around her (overlayed over the room).
I don’t really recall details about her so good and what follows may be confabulated memory…
Shew was tall, blonde, wearing some type of dress. Her hair was up in a bun? There may have been a floral pattern on her skirt. Looked maybe between late twenties and early thirties in age.
She sort of walked up, (or did she appear?) And looking right at me says:
"You really need to get up now…"
This jarred me awake, and I just kind of chuckled at this. “Well, damn hahaha”
Needless to say, I stopped fucking around and got up after a few moments.
Let’s start at Sunday:
A rather lazy day to be honest.
Hekate wanted me to bring my jar of grave dirt out. Something about “Ancestors”.
I was asked to light a candle and placed it atop the dirt in the jar and a stick of incense.
Earlier I had lit candles for Hekate and incense as well.
Upon questioning, I was told not to do anything and that Hekate would take care of everything.
My understanding was she would ferry spirits in or out that day or whatever. As far as “Ancestors” or whatever went this seemed to coincide with my decision to watch the Superbowl at home.
My grandparents lived in Kansas for a good portion of their lives. I couldn’t help but think that my grandfather probably would’ve liked to see the game…
I did a deep clean of the home.
That night I did one of the rituals from Archangels of magic but I don’t remember what. Probably good. Lol no lust for result.
Honestly, the last few days are a lil fuzzy. Huh…
The other day, I at some point saw in my mind’s eye the silhouette of a female that was somewhere between teal and turquoise in color place a hand over my heart and lean forward to kiss me. This surprised me a bit. It’s oddly reminiscent of something Succupedia has mentioned before (I was going to hunt down the particular comment, but that might take AGES).
I’m not aware that I have an ubi around me. Or that there’s been one around me that I’ve been aware of. I don’t know what to make of this. It’s possible however that it’s a spirit I work with. I recently did a self love rite with Astarte some time ago and kind of wonder if that was her. Can’t say either way…🤷
Of course there’s also the female I was getting mental images of off and on for a few days, who sewed up my heart space rather mysteriously with red thread. Related? Dunno…
This female in question appears with yellow eyes, hands and legs stained black with long nails or claws shortish hair I think, greyish skintone…last time I thought she had a short tail, but it’s fuzzy.
The first time I saw her, she had a large mouth full of large pointy teeth in a sort of “scary Cheshire cat grin” that dominated her face. To the point that at moments it was the only thing on her face outside of her yellow serpentine or catlike eyes. That initial interaction was a bit strange, and I mentally told her something to the effect of “if you could, can you appear to me in a more pleasing way? It’s not that your appearance is unpleasant, or that you scare me, but you seem a bit menacing and it makes it hard for me to not be on my guard. I hope I’m not offending”. This seemed to go ignored. 🤷 I was actually in the bathtub having a soak when she appeared to me in my mind’s eye…
I’m largely undecided on what to make of all this and my initial inclination is to want to write it off, but…
Moving on…
Tues? I was listening to Wardruna, wait no, I think it was Monday.
I was listening to “Helvegen”, and I started to get emotional. I sensed that there was some deep hurt being prodded by the song, and figuring this may be something related to healing and shadow work I decided to try to release this. With much resistance at first, it finally gave way a bit and I’m not afraid to admit that for a few moments, I sobbed. This fell away and I felt a measure of relief. Though, whatever hurt is tied to this instance is definitely larger than the moment of release I had. At any rate, a small something was healed I believe. It was a very spiritual moment.
Correction, this occurred Sunday. I wondered afterward if it may have been connected to something with the ancestors and the song in question. I’m not gonna overthink it.
Mon and Tues, I maintained my Qi gong practice. Today I skipped on account of how damn cold it is today. I’ll try to do it before bed at any rate.
The other day while doing this, I was feeling a few different pulls while moving the energy around, and yesterday it seemed like my hands were wanting to move in new forms. Very interesting.
I’m currently working with the cardinal directions and their energies during my practice. I was feeling pulled towards Hel the other day while doing this. I don’t know if that’s an actual calling or a subconscious is thing.
I have a mind to work out some kind of directional thing calling on deities, but especially Hel.
Speaking of Hel, yesterday I wanted music while I practiced and decided on Wardruna. At the end of the session I listened to Halvegen (the way to Hel), and received the following inspiration which was just as much a vision as an inspiration. To make a playlist for my Qigong practice that ends with Helvegen which would be my cue to closedown. Ideally if I could memorize the lyrics I’d sing along.
This should be done in the morning in such a way as to end at sunrise…
As the song ends and I face the rising sun, I would recite aloud and with feeling the 76th and 77th stanzas of the Havamal:
"Cattle die, kinsman die, the SELF must also die…
But glorious reputation never dies
For the man that earns himself a good one…
Cattle die, kinsman die, the SELF must also die…
But one thing I know which does not die:
The reputation of each dead man…"
"Deyr fé
deyja frændr
deyr sjálfr it sama
en orðstírr
deyr aldregi
hveim er sér góðan getr"
"Deyr fé
deyja frændr
deyr sjálfr it sama
ek veit einn
at aldri deyr
dómr um dauðan hvern"
This is a reminder of the death of the self. But also that the self is continually being reborn. And then, of course mortality.
Upon reciting the verses and facing or saluting the rising sun, something along the following should be said:
"I walk through the gate of tomorrow…
Away from what was and has been.
Leaving behind the self of yesterday…
I walk into the self of today as I face what will now be.
Each dawn a new birth.
Each night a new death (sleep)."
Ideally this should be accompanied by fire along the lines of a Hindu Agnihotra and when appropriate things could be cast into the fire (ideally something that needs be let go of…)
Add or remove incense at these proceedings. Also, bell.
Failing this, doing it at sundown seems equally appropriate.
This only issue around sunrise would be my lack of morning discipline. Lol
Currently, before I start my energy practice I salute each direction and ring a bell in honor of the spirits of those directions.
[Mist home is North, the other arms of the Aegisjalmer being directions of the compass. This would place Hel in the southwest…incidentally, these associations should line up with the Ba Gua]
I had recited the anti attachment mantra while I was practicing.
I believe Monday morning after having recited the anti attachment mantra, I had started to feel some rather intense Rage…internal blockage? Perhaps an attachment I unconsciously won’t let go? In which case the mantra stirs up emotion around said attachment? 
Seems to be related to family judging by the rage I was feeling as I self-examined it.
The other day I did another ritual out of Archangels of magic. Initially I was gonna do one thing but my head was turned away from it in a moment of partial possession. (“You don’t need it [at this moment]”)
I was like, okay…what do I need then? I got it. I’ll let the book fall open to the appropriate page…
Michael. My eyes were drawn to the bottom of the page and a power that seemed very apt to something that’s been bothering me. Very well…
If I recall anything else I’ll add it to the journal but for now I’m tired of typing.
जै छिन्नमस्ता । जै गणेश । 
