Wow EA, you could not have made a better post. You pretty much summed up my entire mind state for the last few years. It really comforts me to know that even you have experienced this same emotions. Thank you so much for posting this.
[quote=“E.A., post:24, topic:1685”]As it seems apropos, I’ve posted a section from my work “Ipsissimus.” Really, this is probably the best book I’ve written, but aside from the publishing debacle it suffered, it also completely went past most people. Most great works do.:
"The satisfaction experienced in aiding others in their Ascent, teaching them their first meditation and guiding them in their continued development is immense, but also fades quickly as you yourself continue to spiritually mature.
The state of the Messiah or the Bodhisattva in which the self is sacrificed for the enlightenment of all being with the ability of self-realization is a lesser state of spiritual Mastery. Ascent in its highest forms both relies on as well as generates nonattachment at a very core level. Indeed, it is this same transcendent nonattachment which is the root cause of the Master’s malady, for he truly lives in the world yet is no longer of the world, an alien in his own home.
The need to help others, to teach others, to assist in the enlightenment of any other embodiment is not only a symptom of lingering attachment to the human form and a projection of some sort of inherent flaw in the human state, but it also seems to exacerbate the psychological and emotional atrophy, as more attachment piles on to a being who is, by his very new nature, soaring away from the world of flesh and into realms of Eternal experience.
The whole process of mentorship is a masturbatory one, wherein the Traveler seeks out others who will not only vindicate and validate his experiences but will also relate to his new sense of self. When he finds that those beings do not naturally exist, as Godhood is indeed a lonely place, he then seeks to take the clay and meat bodies surrounding him and raise them to his level, so that he will have someone that he can talk to, so that he won’t feel quite so alone.
For a short while, he is sated.
The salvation of the self is not hopeless, however, and the outlines of a definite plan, of an orchestrated series of mental states and reactive behaviors can be made out. The initial despair that is felt immediately after one’s enlightenment is no longer present when the joys of mentorship have passed and when it is time to drop that mantle to the floor, or at the very least such feelings have dimmed enough to allow the Traveler to operate in his body without utter contempt for the vehicle.
The Traveler emerges from his inner slumber as the embodiment of Kaulachara, an Ascendant being who can no longer identify with concepts of morality. He has dissolved his consciousness into the Eternal, and has returned with the recognition of only one remaining duality: attached and nonattached. All siddhis flow through him, yet the desire to exercise power over these lower worlds has left him; he has realized the insignificance of this world, and walks through it as a ghost, as a spectator rather than one of the players. This detached sense, which formerly led him into emotional bleakness, begins to resonate with him, begins to free him.
In his astounding work, The Yoga of Power, Julius Evola posits that, “The essence of pashaniroda, the release from bondage, is the achievement of an inner state in which the virya feels that there is nothing he is not able to do.” There is a twofold statement here: the Kaula, or virya in this work, has attained the Nietzschean ideal of non-morality as well as nonattachment, therefore releasing him from the bonds of any moral restrictions, as stated above. This correlates with the second point, which is that the Kaula feels, due to the raw spiritual power that he has accumulated, that he is indeed capable of executing any feat.
His days of knighthood have passed, as has his struggle for power and control. He is left simply existing. He resigns from all concern for Dharma, for the chase after destiny’s call, and dwells in simple existential bliss.[/quote]