Were you raised in a Christian/Muslim faith by any chance? I was, and I’m still working through skeletons in the closet, so to speak (every time I refer to myself as a god, I still half expect to get smacked down by Yaweh).
Regardless if you were or not, society has given a really bad wrap to demons. I’ve even had agnostic/atheist friends raise an eyebrow when I mention working with them. There’s really no easy way to get over this, you just have to dive in head first and get to meeting them.
A quick story if I may, since you asked. Much earlier on when I first started working with demons, I was informed by a magician I admire very much that the demon Eurynomous was interested in working with me. I decided to open his sigil and introduce myself, and it was thus far one of the most intense experiences I’ve ever had with a spirit.
The sigil started flashing incredibly quick, morphed into a cattle’s skull, and I had to do my absolute best not to have a panic attack because his presence was so strong, and the christian indoctrination still hiding in the recesses of my mind flared up out of nowhere. I was terrified of the fact there was a demon in my room. I told him I was feeling freaked out, and I had the sense he backed off slightly, because the feeling died down considerably.
Long story short, despite that initial fear, I continued to work with him, and despite being classified as a “demon”, I think of him as more of an angelic presence, for lack of a better word, as he is very comforting (as a death demon, he’s helped me work through some hard times). I’ve felt the same thing for Buer too, he was incredibly gentle when we spoke.
My point is, nobody really knows what demons are, and just because they may be considered “infernal”, “dark”, etc doesn’t mean every single one is up to no good. Some are, and that’s good too, because where would the LHP magician be without their black magick? But lumping all demons together is just as silly as lumping any one group of people together-they aren’t exactly a hive mind, and while they may all want access to our world, and to influence it, what they represent and who they are can be as different as night and day.
Look up the works of demonolaters such as S. Connolly. She is probably the number one reason I was even able to get past my fear of demonic spirits, and despite figuring out demonolatry probably wasn’t for me, I’ve learned a lot of great things from her.
I hope all that made sense, I always feel the need to post here when I’m half asleep. Good luck OP.
