Back to the beginnings…
Lately, I never really have a good conversation with anyone anymore. It’s been like a couple weeks. Yeah, was like that before I joined this forum. Now, once again, I never really talk to anyone, but my close family, who don’t really listen. I just gave up on trying to become friends with humans, and I may even give up on friends with entities…
Also, I haven’t ever really felt completely connected to anyone. I say I love, but things were off. Of course, point proven about that one imposter, though… Anyway, I can’t really feel. I’ve been numb for so long, and now, I can’t even communicate with anyone.
How can I stand up for myself if I fucking don’t know how?! Before I’ve been alone for so long. Ive been alone several times before, but I never know how to be strong. It’s not so damn easy for everyone. Being alone doesn’t make you strong if you’re like me and don’t fucking know how. It has made me weaker, but no one had ever really given me a true helping hand.
No one has fucking shown me the way, and now, someday I will die fucking alone, weak, useless, and afraid. I’m expected to do every single damn thing all alone. I’ve tried for so long, and I still fucking can’t do it like most can.
Yet, if I feel like I can finally find someone to put up with my weak-ass, but if that damn egregore ass imposter won’t throw me back down the well. I thought I killed him off, but knowing how he is, anything is possible with him. I fucking hate him, so hopefully I can actually have a proper mate without his stupid setbacks.
I’ve been longing for a true connection for some long, so maybe I’ll give them proper love and help. Then, in return, they’ll show me how to be strong, because I fucking don’t know to do so… We’ll see…
But, anyone who thinks I can do this alone, can stfu. I’ve tried different ways to get my life together all alone, and everything goes right back down the toilet.