My Struggle

I’ve just been informed that there was a lot of talk about promoting me at my job if they were able to see me project myself better in my correct position within upper management, and this is good news to me. That’s because I’ve only been holding back because I’ve had no idea that there was another open position available for someone like me. It’s good to have spies to listen in on others for you isn’t it, to find out what’s being said whenever you’re not there to hear it.

There were a lot of things that had me feeling as though I wasn’t being looked at or noticed for my fullest potential, such as having prison gang affiliation, being involved in interracial dating and talking openly about racism, having allegedly run through the entire female staff for the possibility of sleeping with every attractive woman who was available, having been accused of mistreating other employees repeatedly, etc

You just never know how people really feel about your private affairs and rumors which sometimes jealousy may have brought in your direction.

It’s probably safe to assume that so long as your job performances are up to par, then people won’t really give a fuck about your personal life that much.

I loved the old argument that other people have free will and that you shouldn’t force your will upon them.

Well, if you don’t, then someone else will or has always been doing so. They will still have their own will, but theirs will be forced to accommodate yours.

In other words, of course you can and of course you should force your will out there. Of course you should submit other people to you.


I’ve also admitted to getting high at work. I’ve also admitted to having drunk wayyy too much after work in my company clothing and still no problems at all.

It’s either the magick or I’m just that lovable, but it’s more than likely the magick has improved me, and it’s been improving how other people are responding to my antics.

Hi, self and any unconscious observers in the aether somewhere!

I find it a bit strange to have attempted to text mein bruder and to have reached someone on the other end claiming that I’ve got the wrong phone number.

Ah well, he must have changed his phone number without making any mentions of it to me. I was only attempting to get a hold of him so that I could view those native American artifacts that I gave to him a few years ago for safe keeping, because I’ve got a friend who would adore a bit of jewelry made from a nice arrow point. That would grant me also with the opportunity to put a spell on her through that gift.

I’ve got a handful of incredibly valuable ones, and the rest are just common points for this region or maybe even slightly unique and yet still pretty common styles or shapes for the area they’re found in.

I have spear points in there that I’ve found in open fields by a river bed.

I believe the ones made of sandstone were for kids to play with, because one could never hunt or kill with them.

I’m a bit frazzled by the way my rituals are going today before I have to go in to my place of employment this evening.

So I’ve engraved into a white candle a runic inscription, which I thought that I may go ahead and burn today.

I carried my bags of supplies down to a private worshiping spiritual zone next to the neighbors property, but still far enough away to avoid their attention.

What happened was that I also stopped by to where I had stashed one of my honey spells in a jar, and went ahead and buried it down there by some older candles that I had burned there before, quite some time in the past in fact, as I haven’t been down to this location in many weeks if not almost an entire season of months.
Many moons.

So, of course I had forgotten to place my cigarettes and my lighters in my pocket so there was no offerings of tobacco and no lighting of any candles or fires for burning offerings like there might usually have been.

I could not even sage the area. I simply deposited some raw earth materials there as a gift to my new shades.

Well evidently my brother still has the same phone number. I had just entered an old phone number of my own that has clearly been given to a new owner now.

I got hold of some of them artifacts.

Check this one out, so thin and detailed in it’s fine tuned flaking patterns. Whoever made this was a skilled craftsman or even a female.

Yeah, so I’m going to be working at my talismanic skills.

I’m going to improve my presentation and learn some beautiful projectile points wrapping techniques.

Then I’ll learn how to add bits and pieces of precious metals and gemstones into them and make a whole process for magical operations

Today was a pretty nice evening at work. I had forgotten about the spells I’d done earlier today and throughout the beginning of the week.

I had forgotten that I’d encountered shade(s) earlier at the Indian burial mound where I’d been today. They were likely already there and that may have been what was wrong with that site up until now.

It’s funny how you hear about something and then it just clicks with what’s happening.

To make a long story short, I used to walk down there from the opposite side of the woods until I found where the right of way leads right to it from the other side entrance to the wood lines.

Every time I’d walk down there I’d get disoriented and lost my sense of direction. So since I wanted to find out if there’d been any deaths there which we’re violent enough to produce the phenomenon known by the name of a shade or even many of them. So I asked aloud following my initial rituals and packing up my gear to walk back up the hill, "are there any shades present who’d like a good paying job or some help with passing through unto the other side where you’d like to feel belonging and be made whole again?

A large portal came forward and waved around in front of my face. I call it a portal because it’s like the air and the aether in front of you goes to swirling around on the 5th dimension (I call it that) where the third eyes can perceive motion and density changes in the environmental forces. It’s like whenever it’s dark and everything goes distorted in your vision if you’ve strained your eyes for long enough to activate that second vision, so to speak. The shade asked to prove its loyalty to me after I forbade him from following me back to my house.

I don’t know much about them, and I’ll be doing some research on them soon.

Its clingy behavior was a tad bit off-putting at first. I wasn’t expecting it to behave as a servitor would behave before its instructions have been implanted.

So, I had to turn around whenever I was feeling that portal opening up, because I had paused to inquire about the shade(s) on way out of the digging zones. I had scattered some herbs everywhere I had dug into the ground and given mugwort as the primary herbs of gifting those local spirits for permitting my digging and worship activities there. I had been feeling like I should go ahead and call it quits with that location so that I could leave that honey spell cooking in the dirt.

As I walked to the apex of the vortices, I felt there was an opportuned moment to call up something baneful and to finish off my latest opponents.

I called out, made my decrees, and then continued walking up the hill and away from the offering sites.

Everywhere I’d started digging to test for buried treasure, I stopped and dropped about an herbal incense concoction to the dirt.

As I made the turn back towards the fire lane, I knew I’d made initial contact with something.

I again paused to thank them for showing up so abruptly and gave them their limitations up front. You must not harm human beings without my consent.

You must feed upon my rewards instead of pain or suffering, and you’ll already have known what the differences are.

I’ll be training them now, and I’ll have some fun with them. Thinking this way is obviously attributable to the Eye of Michael the Angelic King sigil which I’ve created.

There was someone watching out for me in order that I might be able to clear up some of this confusion that was living in those woods by the mound. Thanks to anyone who has inspired this by helping identify the types of entities which may have been involved.

So, this is a very secretive and very personal and private practice and should never be disclosed to anyone at all, not even one’s own coven.

Never tell anyone. My shade must never reveal itself to anyone else.

This is an activity that most would consider directly a necromantic practice.

The scriptures appear to have forbidden these practices, but those limitations are only applicable to those who feel that they should be applicable.

For those who practice outside of conventional interpretation, there were many remarks made by the creator which were good for those who couldn’t control the results and were acting in direct opposition towards the priestly classes who were already controlling the spirits of those regions where those scriptures were given. They weren’t trained or experienced enough to even be bothered with having permission granted to use such archaic practices as those mentioned by those particular sections of the holy Bible.

God only knows what they had to have been doing to give cause for someone who had the authorization to give law and prophecy to go so far as to offer up legislation in order to prevent others from using ritual magick in this manner.

That was a lot of grumbling and Jewish whining about even having to engage in this kind of conversation. I just want my servitors to know that it’s all bullshit and I’m allowed to use them in any way I please.

They hear my intentions… I’m sure they hear that.

My intentions are to get across that other people’s opinions about them don’t necessarily make them “evil” and they are allowed to make good intentions their primary modus operandi.

Other people still believe that spirits and thoughtforms are nasty little devils and their training has been forbidden by the church, as if that’s important either way, the church does not dictate to others what’s forbidden by the personal reading of the scriptures.

The church is not in charge of us anymore. No one can tell us that we are disallowed from using our own psychic abilities and our naturally God-given gifts and abilities in the soul and the spiritual worlds.

We are in charge of our own thinking and our own habit formations. We decide what’s permissible and what’s impermissible on a moment to moment basis, and that’s based on our own thinking and behavioral patterns.

We must never permit the church to cause us to hurt ourselves mentally or emotionally.

The church doesn’t program our morality whatsoever.

You must ignore their pretenses and their religious ideals. You must only listen to your master.

We are healing others. That’s one of your purposes. You must learn how this may be accomplished from other reputable angelic or daemonic sources of healing powers, such as Marbas.

Marbas will be helping you to learn how to heal and cause disease for whenever you are needed for these kinds of assignments. Is that clear, Servitors.

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Servitor, you must obey me without questions. Marbas will know how to help you to learn to better assail or to stop other assailants who are cashing people harm to their mind or body.

Marbas will always know what to do, for this is part of his office now.

Bael has taught me what to do in order to make models of the daemons for my shade to learn from. If he learns a new ability, then he will get an offering of sorts from all of the love.

The other spirits may even want to assist with these assignments once they’ve learned to feed from master’s reward systems.

Thank you for your assistance thus far, and you are free to return to whatever you were up to before this training session was initiated.

You will make for me some very helpful and well received spiritual companions.

The signal for you to return and stand in formation, shade or servitors is “Attention, Servitor, training will commence momentarily” or simply just, “Attention!” with you in mind.

The signal for you to return to handling your affairs or to continue to completion of the assignments you’re working on shall be, “You are dismissed” or simply, “Dismissed, Servitors.” For simply informing you that you are free to find rest and relaxation or to dwell about in the midst of our presence, you might hear me tell you to find your “At ease, restful states of being.”

I’ve left you this lapis lazuli at the burial site.

Don’t forget that it’s there for the taking should you require that stone’s frequencies in your getting started using a new vibration for your antics here in this plane.

Lapis lazuli is also just my personal gift to the spirits of this land, so feel free to do with it whatever you please.

Dismissed, and now we shall return to regular journaling and I will train my servitors privately from here on out. I feel that using a name will just confuse things right now, because I’m not even certain of whether you’d like to remain as a servitor or be called shades just yet.

All I’ve done since I’ve taken a shower and sat down in my study chair is to enter into a trance and to render those instructions to them.

I’ve asked for them to remain indoors for tonight while Marbas teaches them. It would be safer than just turning them loose on assignments while they’re ill-equipped for things that I haven’t trained them to do. It’s best that they just hang around where I’ve put protection spells on the premises and safeguards we’re already in place to ensure their safety and their comfort while they’re getting accustomed my tutelage and my protection spells over their actions.

The instructions they’re receiving would be able to better nurture their needs that way.

I don’t know how intelligent they are, so I’m assuming that all they’re willing to do is to be obedient because they know that I’m very good at helping lost souls or spirits and that I have the means to keep them safe and happy if they’re good listeners and if they’ll find a way to keep themselves cooperative and very expressive of the need if they have any problems to bring up with me.

They must bring me rewards without suffering.

They must make me satisfied with pleasurable experiences, and only the things that I’m looking to have or to experience. They must never bring to me the things I say that I do not want. The things that I focus on that I Do Want, that I want, those are the things that my spirits should help to get for me. If the thought of something brings me pain and discomfort, then it’s something I do NOT desire. If the thought of something brings me arousal, joy, excitement, or feelings of loving kindness, then those are the things that I must have wanted.

You must learn the differences between good and not good for us. You must learn the differences between want and don’t want.

That will be all.