My personal development and journey

This is a journal for my development and experiences exploring the magickal path. I have worked on and off, but I’ve decided to truly push and dedicate myself. I’m ready to grow and learn as I need to. Magick has already brought a lot to my life. Let’s see where we go next -

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I started this forever ago, ill begin adding entries now…

Alright, sooo back to this. I’ve actually decided to kick this into gear.

Who knows how this will turn out. My path has always been chaotic, and not in the chaos magick sorts way. Now I’ve decided to just jump right in again.

Some points of interest that I’ll be exploring
-obe Astral projection
-finish learning my runes
-necromancy
-dream magick

These are the ones off the top of my head at the moment.

More will come along.

So I guess just for the sake of the journal we’ll talk a little about me.

I suck at most things right now. Except manifesting, wanted or unwanted small things.
I’ve always been good at manifesting, but I’m at the point where I need to watch what I say. I’m bringing unnecessary and unwanted things into my life.
The saying “be careful what you wish for” is something I need tattooed on my arm so I’ll remember the next time I wish to get sick in order to get out of something.

I’ve always been drawn to necromancy but I want to research and read extensively on it before I dip my toes in the water.

I have a set of runes, they’re my buddies, so to speak. They never lie, I try to pull them everyday. But sometimes I don’t read them, I don’t want to know. Aha

I can minor Astral travel to anyone on the earth plane. I use it to check in on people or observe someone’s actions but I can’t do it for very long. And it’s only ever in my minds eye. I’ve never been able to obe project and that’s something I’m ry shooting for.

When I was a teen, I had a knack for dream magick. But after many years of not using it, it faded away. Or something like that, I don’t know. Now all I get from dreams are places or conversations I’ll have in the future. And that’s rare now too.

I’ve dabbled in blood and love magick, sometimes together, sometimes apart. I’ve generally gotten good desired results from this. But I’m not going to focus on either of these things.

My intuitive senses have been going crazy lately. I always know before something happens. Sometimes my gut tells me, sometimes I dream It. But it’s starting to really jack up my anxiety. I’d like to work further to understand my runes so I can figure out what is coming rather than sit and worry.

So… Let’s get started.

So last night, after reading some about Astral projection, I thought working on my third eye would help.

I meditated and focus energy on the area. After sometime I felt the familiar headaches I get after doing this. Though nothing else really changed.

Before I went to sleep, I did the same thing. Same headaches, nothing too out of the ordinary.

Though I did meditate, and usually I lay down and place myself on the ocean, just drifting around. But when I did this last night, everything turned to fog. That was a little… Peculiar.

My dreams were… Odd, I guess. I was being chased, two other people were with me. But when we would do something wrong or we would be found, the dream would reset. Most people would call this a nightmare based on the events in the dream. But after you repeat it so many times, it desensitizes you.

Around the seventh or eighth time something jolted me. Everything stopped and a booming voice pulled me out, it used my first name and said “You’ve become too comfortable”. I woke up immediately.

But once I woke up, I was very aware of the energy in the room, everything was buzzing. This was a very unusual feeling. I tried to sleep later on in the day and my dreams of being chased with repetition continued.

Hmmm. Sounds cute. I’m going to subscribe.

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So I’ve begun reading a few different books. A book by Christian Day - Witch’s Book of the Dead. I really like it so far. I’ve got another on astral travel that I’ll soon be beginning and a book on runes that I’d like to get to.

However, I’ve come upon a new roadblock. For starters, lately I’ve been considering reaching out to Bune. I can’t explain it, but my curiosity about her has always been there. But I was concerned about working with Norse Gods and Demons. I wasn’t sure if the two mixed. I think this is a close-minded view that I’m projecting on them.

But, back to that roadblock. I am having issues with my visa. I screwed up. A baby screw up really. It’s fixable, but I am still worried about the immediate outcome. I am trying to keep my mind on a positive page and not think anything negative about the future. I do not need any negative manifestations.

I am considering reaching out to Belial about this. I need two things dealt with in regards to this. I believe he could accomplish both. One on the legal side of things and another on the people side of things. But, talking to him… I’ll be honest, I am nervous about it :smiley:

I had a run in with Agares. It wasn’t a negative experience. It is actually in my previous posts here.

Oh well, I’ll update when I decide to grow a pair and talk to Belial.

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I am going to sleep on it and make a concrete decision.

However, I feel I’ve already decided I’ll petition Belial.

I’ve been reading the lil tutorial for petitioning. I’ll give it a try in a day. I want to see if there will be any developments.

I haven’t really ever worked with entities of any sort. I’ve always relied on my own manifesting and spell casting. But, I am looking to bring out the big guns, so to speak, on this one. And if this helps me go down the path of finally working with other entities, I welcome that. I’ll have to face that anyways if I truly want to walk into necromancy. Which is one goal I can’t let go of.

Sorry if all of this is dumb, this is my journal :grin: and I don’t really have another outlet to share my thoughts.

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So I have made the decision to petition Belial…

But! Some of this situation has changed, and I am less concerned about the legal aspect and more concerned about the people side of it.

I am a bit excited about this. (Still nervous as ever though)
But I plan to fast before I do this. Empty stomach = empty mind. It helps with meditation.

Lately, as I meditate, my mind travels. I’ve stopped trying to control that so much.

Sometimes I try to focus on a place, other times I just let it go. Usually, these are new places I end up in. But they’re all on this side. I’d love to pop into the astral for a change.

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Alright, I did it!

I petitioned Belial last night. I wrote the petition on this little card and drew his sigil on the back. I spent so much time drawing it (I’m a meticulous creature), but I was so proud of it once I’d finished. :smiley:

The actual petition went well, I activated the sigil and then began the petition. The air was cool in the room and I felt a tightness in the back on my neck and jaw kind of. No clue what that means, I put the petition in my passport.

Belial’s name has been playing in my head the past few days, after the petition that finally settled down.

I went through another worry-trip today and this voice in my head said “all is resolved”, I no longer have this sinking feeling in my gut. I pulled runes for the situation this morning and they were very positive about this.

I’ll know the exact results in a week.

Overall, I made the concrete decision I want to work with Belial and Bune.

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That’s a big step and I applaud you for making it.

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Thank you, appreciate that. I am excited for where this journey will take me.

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No updates on the situation.
I’m slowly working my way through Christian Day’s book. I’m enjoying it so far.

I plan on using the servitor Luna to cleanse my space and practice my energy sensing with her.

I’m holding off on contacting Belial until after the situation is over. I don’t want to bother him. But, I’ve begun reading more about him and Bune. I have very positive feelings whenever I think of Bune. Similar feelings to whenever I deal with Fehu.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned my relationship with this rune before on here. The rune has my heart, I cannot explain why. Fehu always follows me wherever I go. Once I began working with this rune, a mild obsession began :smiley: But If I ignore Fehu too long, the runestone I have likes to go missing, damn near gives me a heart attack every time.

I might show you guys my runes later, I have a stone set. They are beautiful. I have grabbed an Anki flashcard set to help me learn them better. I’ll use that to practice their meanings more.

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Yall I am trying to be positive, but my situation is progressively getting worse. Well we’re at a stalemate.

I still don’t have that bad gut feeling.

I nearly always have this before something bad occurs or if it is occurring. Tomorrow is the last day to get an answer on whether or not everything will be fine. And I feel fine? Like at peace ya know. Even my runes are consistently positive. I pulled three today and haven’t read them yet. I’ll read them in the morning and pull three more for tomorrows outcome.

I know my doubt is my biggest obstacle. Just three - four weeks ago I had a situation that looked grim, but I pulled positive runes, no bad gut feelings (well I had terrible gut feelings prior to everything going down, I knew something was coming, but I thought it would be family related), low and behold everything worked out fine.

But fuck, it is easier said than done to throw out doubt.

One of these days I hope I learn to trust in myself more.

I just need to remind myself: I create and control my reality. As I will it, so it is done.

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In the effort of being more positive, I thought I’d share a positive manifestation that came forth today.

In relation to my job, I have been lowkey manifesting a promotion. Today, my boss messaged me and told me I’d receive this promotion. She said everything I wanted to hear. This felt great.

And I thought I’d share a memory. Back several years ago, when I was still in the states, my friends (two other witches) and I liked to talk to whatever spirits were around.

I know, I know, opening up possibilities for all types of entities to pop up. Young and dumb, did I learn any hard lessons? Nope. But I did find out I’m clairaudient. At this point in my life, I’d only done dream magick, manifesting, and energy work.

But we’d talk to spirits and read their answers through cartomancy. But I could usually hear their answers before the card would be pulled. However, several not so nice spirits popped up.

Still, I wish I could feel and hear them like that again. Currently, I can’t get into a mediative state or feel energy to save my life.

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I’m back. So the petition didn’t pan out. Though, I am facing a wall with the situation. It was definitely a long-shot. My runes are still positive, but they are pushing towards the idea of a complete change in direction. I keep track of the ones I pull in my notebook, after further looking into the ones I pulled a week ago, I think they were pushing towards that too.

But I am completely out of ideas. I think I’ll do a road opener spell, and maybe one to bring me some wisdom and guidance on how to move forward.

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Yooo, it’s been a little bit.

My runes were right. Per the usual. The change of direction has thrown my life into a very positive position. I’m currently getting myself together. I’m heading home!!!

I leave in a week and I’ll head back to the states. I think this is a good thing. My energy peaks around there and my sisters (witches, not blood sisters though) are there. I need this.

I want to speak to Bune very soon. I still have this lovey/sweet feeling anytime I come across the Duchess’ name. My heart is, and has always been so soft towards Bune for some reason. It’s time I face that. I don’t know what I want to contact her about. I just want to talk to her. You know what I mean?

Fehu, my love, has been helping me through some work/financial issues. I need to begin my pathworking with Belial. I’ve been so busy with my work as of late.

Guys, I know this is completely unrelated to magick, but I am so happy to be going home.

PS I’m dumb, I saw this all transpiring in my dreams a month ago and I was like “oh cool dream”. I swear… I’ve been seeing the future in pieces through dreams since I was 7 and I still can’t put the pieces together. If anyone has advice about this, please share…

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I feel you. I get a sort of deja vu occurrence when I stick to “my path”, but can’t really define that. When stick to it, they happen. When I get off of it, they stop. Sometimes, there can be long breaks between them, but I don’t feel out of harmony or resonance. Not every event is preordained or whatever. I think some of the milestones are, maybe the more impactful ones that we chose to incarnate for?

You can see I don’t have a definitive answer. Some things I really wonder about is whether I was shown other things that didn’t happen. Do I simply forget them and, if so, at what point? Were they competing paths and had to be determined? Do the ones I remember seeing flashes of act as a goal post for me to head towards subconsciously, influencing me behind the scenes?

I can say that I struggle with the really good ones far in the future. There’s that nagging feeling that it may just be a desired fantasy. But if I doubt it too much, will I get in my own way? This last part is what I thought of when you described your dreams.