I dont really know how to word this but i shall try my best. I intend this to be a journal of sorts noting what ive been through and my rewards.
I started the qliphoth a few years back when i learned that shadow work was the way to grow and that trauma binds people in places and situations in their life. Ever since i heard those words ive been doing constant shadow work. Sitting, feeling, allowing, watching all of the emotions and thoughts that come the surface and even some memories and fears which would arise into my conscious mind. Sometimes id see spiders, faces or hellish landscapes in my minds eye and sometimes id hear screams and cries for help (faintly) in my mind as if they were manifestations of my own traumas.
Id be reminded at times that my parents wouldnt be here forever and that eventually id be all alone with no one around me. During my time enduring this i was also having friends taken away from me left right and centre and even family members started turning against me and i seem to have lost ALOT of touch and connection with my entire family since im an entirely different person now.
Id go through periods of desiring to end it (and yes i mean the thing your thinking) and id even have thoughts pop in my mind during my times of sitting and watching the feelings and thoughts that would tell me to go and kill myself and that i dont deserve a place on the earth.
I know many of you have never experienced this in the qliphoth or maybe you have, i dont know, but the qliphoth is meant to be a test and the spirits and trials you encounter are intended to break you in mind, spirit and body and you are meant to overcome everything which comes your way and integrate the darkness that arises. Ive always been a strong person mentally and emotionally so ig they had to step it up a level.
Ive also had visitations from spirits which would try to scare me.
Also had sleep troubles and mental instability at times, of which ive overcame.
But… despite all that ive endured, ive grown, ive become better and more authentic than i was before and im also started to move forward in life (finally). Life is becoming better and im about be making more money than most of my peers or family not that i intend to brag, thats just what is happening.
I also now feel a friendliness with death, the thoughts and the feelings that arise and any spirits which helped me to suffer to grow along the way. I hold no hatred towards anything that happened and im actually grateful for it all (even though im still going through it). Because truly any suffering is an opportunity to grow.
But yeah, ig i wanted to put this out there. Idk why. I just feel as if i should and so i have.