Just stopped by to say: I just looked at your profile and was feelibg happy of what you have become. You can be proud. 
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Thanks, Helena. I’m just glad you’re easier to talk to now. Because I Really respect you.
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Well, you’re easier to talk to, too.
I’ll be honest, in the past I was getting angry at you when we spoke. 
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Thank you. I’ll try to get better now. I meant, it’s easier for me to talk to you. which means we both mellowed out a bit, which is important. I did a lot of things I should not have, and I very much still do, just in a new way. I’m glad i did, anyways.
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Had a dream I went to this weird college. There was a secret code in the school and it was for this treasure. I solved the code, and got these three boxes of odd decorations that were actually intended for me.
There were idols, bird statues, pieces of knowledge, and a funny glowing statue called “a fragment of eva”. It looked like a Divine angel, but also… more solid. Like stone like. it was interesting.
There was all sorts of stuff, but there was also a box fully of illegal (on campus and in general) weaponry. A rusty revolver that I picked up to check the texture of and put back, rusty grenades; actual explosives and some other things I can’t remember. I turned it into the college security but I was in serious trouble for picking the weapon up. Which makes no sense.
I don’t remember being able to smuggle anything with me, but I remember taking a “bird of luck” it was a bird with many, many (I want to say 8) pairs of angelic wings and a seal on the base that seemed angelic, glowed white. I felt like I could open it and find something, but I don’t know what it is.
Cool dream but I don’t know why its there. Guessing it was a reactant to the work I’ve been doing lately.
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I’m always gonna leave a trail. Looking back, I look at how selfish I was. How moronic I was. No foresight. No consideration. No tact. Look back through the messages, and I become progressively more of an asshole the further back you go.
I wish it was like real life, one day everyone forgets how much of an ass you were. But thankfully it gets documented here, so forgetting is just a matter of refraining from looking
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You’re doing way better, kid.
I don’t know what are you working on now, but try to not forget divination, since you’re quite good at it.
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Divination feels useless to my own stuff rn
I feel like knowing the future would only complicate things, for me, and it doesn’t benefit me a lot to read others rn unless they really need it
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tbh im not doing anything in particular
feels like im not spending time wisely
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The key word here is WAS.
That was the you of yesterday.
That is not the you of today.
Let go of what you were, for what you are now.
We all have a journey. Sometimes that journey is regrettable, but it’s nonetheless part of the journey and sometimes necessary or inevitable. Did you grow from it? Acknowledge what must be acknowledged (good and bad), and then let it be.
When I look back on who I’ve been, it’s almost like remembering an alternate reality. So much is different, so much has changed.
I can no longer relate to my fifteen yo self or my 22 yo self, or even as recently as my 26-7 yo self.
And yet some fundamental aspects remain. Aspects of who I am.
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sure, but it always paints people’s views of me
I live in a small village. Some people don’t like that we know each others’ childhood, families, stories, struggles.
But the thing is, I know why certain people are struggling, I understand them, because I know their story. And when someone made it, I can be even more happy for them.
In a society where people don’t know your story and struggles, you’re just another npc.
Don’t be ashamed of your past.
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That’s an unfortunate reality of life I’m afraid.
Some folks will never really see past their own impressions of you.
That said, if they can’t see beyond the established image they have of you, just keep truckin’.
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Butchering of unwanted characters is so common in rpgs. I try to maybe seem the type to be inconsequential to mess with, but i see the issue there. I’ve got hold ups in my practice that keep me from thriving, out of fear of this kind of reflection.
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This forum is like a small village.
And you’re a member of it.
People who know how one behaved in the past like the person because of who they are, not because they give the impression of being a flawless perfect being of light.
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Then we have a lot of people who are just angry people, and I don’t know how long I’m willing to blame other people for it.
I think I don’t understand.
I just figured that I can’t blame people for getting mad at me so much, because of who they are.
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Well good news; everything hurts
It’s like my jaw hurts and my skin feels like it’s going to explode and all stress is too much stress and I am now currently filled with rampant Kundalini
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I hear so much goddamn ringing and energy
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