My journal of chatting with Lady Lilith

Also, yet to attempt to speak with Pruflas. I’ve read that the prince/Duke (I’ve seen him addressed as both) likes the magician to be intoxicated in some way, so we shall see what I can do tonight.

2 spirits in a day… Can she do it?

Haven’t really done much in the last few days. Have been taking it easy and trying to do some work on myself and get some rest. It’s been ok I guess.

Recently learnt that there are aw.apirits I should attempt contacting. So, whilst Lilith is making me look at myself (seemingly before she comes back for another visit, I should make an offering to president Galsya Labolas, have a chat with Duke Focalor, petition and chat with Naberius, make sure I’m good with earl Raum and basically have a little house party with snacks and drinks…

Could you imagine that? Setting up like a party/meet and greet with a bunch of spirits with cake and coffee? Lol. Would it be like a bunch of philosophers talking, or would it be all out debaucherous and stuff??

Man, my brain is funny sometimes haha

The weird thing about that is you will encounter that experience, and maybe it won’t even hit you when it happens. It might hit you later, but that will be your “aha” moment. Also, nature’s creatures will have an affinity to you as you develop your relationship and connection

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You have a tendancy to overthink it. Let it go, and work with it gradually

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Am really struggling today. It’s not great, but it is what it is. Too down in the dumps to do anything today.

Overthinking is my superpower lol

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Well, you know, Kekka, I’ve always been one to think Lilith has a sense of humour, sort of like the “light side” of the Moon to balance the Dark Side

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Today has been a struggle. Woke up feeling super edgy/anxious and the feeling has hardly left me all day. It’s been really hard not to fall into stupid thought loops where I basically beat myself up for no good reason, get stuck thinking about shit I can’t change or in bad memories. I’ve tried multiple things but haven’t been able to shake it. Might give the house a good cleanse when kiddo goes to bed. Just gotta find the Palo Santo.

This is not the right headspace for ritual. Would be VERY easy for a parasite or something to match onto this negative energy and cause more damage. We don’t want that now, do we?

I can’t drink either which is both a good and a bad thing. So let’s try and make it through the night, sober kekka. Tomorrow is another day…

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I’m relatively new to working with her. I’m still at the point where I’m wondering if this is real or it’s in my head. I’m sort of at the stage where I kinda think that a spirit is just part of your mind that you name. But idk, I know but I don’t know, ya know?

We all have our good days, bad days, nightmares, and pleasant dreams. It would be wonderful if we only had pleasant dreams, but it doesn’t work that way. It’s very reminiscent of Lilith energy. She can be your best friend or your worst nightmare. Getting on the good side of Her primordial energy you will have a much better time of it. Male or Female it doesn’t matter. She accepts all who can positively resonate with her. That will depend on your attitude and understanding of Her desire for your affection.

You were not attracted to Her by accident. Lilith picks and chooses who she attracts. Once She gets in your head, she stays there. All that matters is if she finds you in her favor. She will become a guardian. Just think and act accordingly, don’t judge yourself out of the game.

Once you get there, you are there, you’re in! She will test you…those tests are reminders to be mindful of her tendencies and idiosnycracies.

You seem like the type Lilith will adopt. She doesn’t look for perfection. In fact, just the opposite. Don’t expect too much too soon. We all have a long way to go. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

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Back at it. Feeling focused and stuff lol.

I do however have to delete this account and make a new one. Just having some issues and shiny want anything to tie to me…

I’ll be back and restart this journal and reintroduce myself.

Unless there’s a way I can just change the name?

Yes, you can change your username. Just PM a moderator with what you want it changed to.

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You are a gem!

Would that be someone like yourself?

I am so enraged right now. Well, I’ve calmed myself a little but I’m quietly seething. It’s funny how one line in a letter can fuel so much anger, loathing and resentment.

My abusive ex husband is trying to weasel his way back into my life. By the usual means (offering one of his apartments for the child and I to live in, mentioning how good the schools are, saying how much he’s changed and just generally bragging about his “achievements” as all narcissists do) which didn’t bother me too much even if hearing from him is super triggering for me.

As I went through the letter, one line toward the end kicked me in the teeth: “no-one is upset with you”. No-one is upset with me. What would they be upset with me for? Leaving before he killed me in front of my kid? For standing up to him? For what exactly? It made me so damn furious that he still sees nothing wrong with 12 years of abuse. Yet again, I am somehow the bad guy for doing the right thing and he will get away with everything Scott free.

Might do some reading and see who would be best to petition for some help with this. I want him to be seen by everyone for what he is and not for the nice guy they all think he is. I’m thinking of Raum, Glasya Labolas, Focalor or Naberius. If anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears.

Also, I think I’m getting a stye.

A couple of things you may consider, one is if you really despise this guy, and no way is there room for forgiveness, to channel that rage into a destruction ritual if he is dangerous or potentially physically abusive, or banishment working. This may take more time than you might expect, and can get complicated. Obviously it already is complicated.

Another is consider a restraining order to buy yourself some time.

Without getting too far into the weeds with this, being that everyone has their own way of doing things, who or what to call on, it’s not realistic to hope for quick results, depending on the intensity of the desired outcome of the work. There are a number of options, and which one is appropriate is up to whatever you need at any given time.

I was more sort of thinking in text form, sorry. I didn’t mean to cause confusion. I’m sort of using this as a way of basically weighing my options are magickally. I’m too much of a noob to just dive into a full blown curse.

I forgave this person over and over again over the course of 12 years - there is no more room for forgiveness. They are truly a horrible person, not just because of what they did to me, but for how they treat others too. But what annoys me more than anything is that they just keep getting away with it. In their personal life, in a legal setting, in business; there are never any consequences. It’s just not right or fair.

Anyhow, like I said - I’m just sort of thinking through my options. Haven’t made a decision

That does sound like a strange case of myopia

basically weighing my options are magickally.

It does take careful deliberate consideration

Ok, I’ve taken a bit of a break but I am back now. Had to sort my head out a little because an unclear head gets unclear results in everything - not just in Magick. So I’ve gotten myself to a bit better of a place, and now I’m ready to start looking at what I’m going to do next.

Just gotta get the kiddo well and then I can cleanse the house (poor Bebe has a cough, so I don’t want to be burning herbs or incense until he’s better) and start rituals again. First, I have to plan my next steps and decide what I want to get out of it. So far, the plan is to say hello to Lilith again. Last few times, I don’t think I was getting in the right headspace because I was feeling nothing and getting nothing. I’m going to give it a few more days then I’m going to just see if she has any more advice or can offer any assistance.

I also have to work out what I’m going to do with some legal type stuff. Nothing criminal, just general crap to do with the ex. I want to make sure that things like I’ll work out in my favour should things end up in court. So I’m hoping I can ask for some guidance from a spirit who’s helpful in that area.

Then, because I’m getting things together to go back to study, I’m thinking of petitioning a couple of spirits; one to help with the financial side of being able to pay for what I need and another to help make sure I grasp what I’m learning as it will be self paced learning.

Basically, the next week will be research, meditation and shadow work. Once I know exactly what I need (not what I want) I will write my petitions and do the rituals I need to do with my full focus on that. Then I’ll probably need a week to recover before I do any more rituals. I’m still fairly new at this and I know that this stuff can be especially draining on a noob.

Wish me luck.