My first Official Magic Crisis

General Discussion
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My attack on her was out of pure stupidity, fear and rage for what seemed at the time to be an injustice. But yeah she might have also caused a bit of damage. Anywho i managed to apologize to her and she seemed surprisingly forgiving. Only she did not took my damage away that quickly. Besides the fact that my damage was not fully her doing as it was more a accumulation of self destructive patterns and habits that started to turn me insane soon after i engaged with the ark yessira freaks.

Yeah Herala dealt a blow but hers was not the intent to kill me as it seems i have a family relationship with her as well… She more like slapped me kinda "That was so rude of you -goddess slap- " Sent me spinning circles.

But this kinda made me rethink my whole life for the better.

Told you, an accumulation of stupidity of my part. Working with dirty entities plus attacking a goddess plus many many other things that were stupid of me to do in the past.

But i lean to think that this was not Her at all because i was suffering with intense paranoia which made me think that another person’t bad experience must become mine as well. And i was already in a mental collapse episode when i read about Herala.

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One final slap to the RHP!
@Lady_Eva

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If you look back on past-you and condemn him as “stupid” then you set up subtle pathways to BLOCK knowledge, learning, growth, and evolution, because you’re saying future-you can never afford to know more, to change and grow, you’re also going to try and defend all current knowledge rather than realise it was wrong.

Careful there, there are many traps along this path, the process of learning is a process of embracing relative-stupidity in the present moment, compared to future knowledge.

Many will never embark because they know that where they are now will make them cringe years, even months down the line, and so they stay stuck, double-defeated by the knowledge they could have done better, and the fear of doing so.

Do your best in each moment and embrace the fact that in furute you will see its flaws - they exist because you Did Something, and people who Do Things are people who care more about learning than defending ignorance. :+1:

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maybe this approach of action might help you.
When you have a bad panick attack starting, push all your negative thought’s and Images into a white sheet of paper.
Increase the Madness, as much as you can exhaust it.
I’m not talking of writing it down and making pictures.
I mean actually pushing these out of you,
into the white paper.
Through your eyes.
Through your mouth.
Through your nose.
Through your Chakras.
When the Energy is exhausted, go outside, a little bit away from your home (a black magick circle if you allready have one out-doors would be awesome as it may take the Energetic Charge in)

  • And Burn the White Sheet of paper -
    Actively chanting to yourself :slight_smile:
    It’s done.
    I overcame that.
    From now on,
    it doesn’t have to bother me anymore.
    Nor take my Energy away from me.
    No, I, the Sorcerer Rak-Amarggeddon, declare this to be done right now.
    So mote it be.

  • This way you may have both the exaltion of the Emotions, actually working them through,
    and you gain the first hand expierience of being stronger than it.
    Capable of overcoming it by your own effort.

In regards of your sleep issues:

Nyx Dormero Nox.
… refined version:
Ego nox Dormero Nyx.
Try this chant for getting to sleep.
It should work extremly well and fast.
Just see which one works better for you.
:wink:

Blessed be.

Sincerely

¥’Berion

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Thanks for this amazing resource brother @Yberion!

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Guys i’m getting another episode. I feel as if i’m slowly being isolated from the rest of the world in my own mind… This is pretty bad.

As soon as i posted on the forum about this other world The episode started :

  1. Ghost Planet Spedauron Aklipsa

To be fair this is not just out of my old research as i did a bit of a ritual to get some extra information about this world.

Can anyone see if there is an active sorcerer that is trying to curse me with insanity? I only say this because of my situation with Astaj. The guy who was banned because he was constantly intervening in my research and pm-ing me with seriously creepy messages.

In which case i need to apologize to him cause he might still be able to follow my activity.

But in order not to bias anyone about this it might also be all just me because i do tend to scare myself to shit for no reason at all just because that’s what i used to do for my whole life.

Anyway this goes i do feel like it is not an active curse and that it is only my mind so i don’t know. But i can’t do any more rituals for myself for a while and i need intense help from whomever is out there to help me because i’m fucking terrified.:sob:

Also extra detail i can’t control my mind to only do regulated rituals. I’m the whole day with my mind in the void once i go in there. That’s how i’ve been my whole life because i wasn’t finding this life fun at all and that might have also damaged my brain too much.

And i really can’t do any ritual now as i’m shitting in my pants…
I really need help from anyone that can and is willing to help me fix my brain and close my connections to the void for a while because i quite frankly don’t know how to do that myself.

I’ve been fucking with nonstop flying through other worlds my whole life and i never bothered to build a mind up in the first place so i think this has made a very big weakness for me when i started the path of darkness.

I’m just not sure and i need serious help. :sob:

Edit: i’m just putting it all on the table. So that anyone who wants to help me knows everything about me.
My whole life i’ve been hating myself and my ego and my mind. For the most cases even acting as if my mind is a separate thing from me because i could not control it and was constantly drifting to self destructive and hindering thoughts.
Also because of my depression and the pain I’ve been experiencing in my family i was constantly flying through the void searching for other worlds where i would want to reincarnate in beacuse i was suicidal a bit and thinking that if i’m to die then i will go to this world or to that world where i would have a better life in denying of this one.
Which might have caused an immense mountain of self destructive egregores and entities that are now just bursting through.
So PLEASE HELP!

Final Edit: I’ve been basically isolating my mind from the rest of the world for my whole life so could this be a culmination of my self destructive behavior? :sob:

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I would suggest that you start taking gotu kola and St. John’s wort for a while. Those two can be very grounding and stabilizing. I would also suggest that you go somewhere and make a fire and just sit by the fire for a long time. Look at the flames. Find more wood. Look at the flames. Find more wood. Spend the night sleeping next to the fire if possible. A fire feels like a primal home when everything else fails in the world. That is knowledge. Try not to panic, try not to become anything for a while, drift, let go, eat good, spicy food, take warm long showers and do the five Tibetans every day. I wish you all the best with your healing.

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You have your answer… :wink:

Is there a meetup.com thing in your area you could handle dropping into over the weekend, it doesn’t need to be a big commitment to join and be part of it forever, just a way to talk to normal people regularly?

Make the effort to BE normal with them, talk about whatever stuff you’re into that isn’t magick.

Also did you get your armoury of books you’ve read before and can read when this de-realisation shit starts up?

Creating a world-within-the-world, the fictional reality you already know, by reading a book helps draw your mind back in and down instead of out and beyond.

They help me, theyve helped a lot of people I recommended this method to, you want old fiction books you’ve read before and nothing with fantasy or even sci-fi themes, ideally written and set in the past.

Understandable, I don’t think normal people necessaily get drawn to magick, or if they do they run a mile when it starts getting a bit too real.

You can use all this later but you need to get stable first, they say a true shaman walks between worlds, doesn’t get pulled totally into one or the other… if you look at The Magician card in the Rider-Waite deck, he’s reaching up to command “That which is Above” but he’s also got both feet firmly planted on the ground.

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Ahem… So little of that in my life…
I mean i used to like astronomy and gardening but that was like 5% of my usual 95% magic!..

To my shame i’ve only read like one fantasy book in my whole life… Besides the school and research materials and other high-school stuff and then work stuff i’ve only ever touched one single physical book my whole life.

I just got myself a book about business to read in a park nearby which helps but yeah… This is my second actual book that isn’t school or work material to read…

I’m going to have to develop “normal” habits… I’m ALWAYS thinking about magic, other worlds, other entities and when i get the chance i actually project myself on that particular world or that particular dimension…

It kinda became a DEEPLY rooted habit in my psyche from little. And have absolutely NO CLUE how to stop this shitstorm.

I’m going to start taking the plants i’ve been recommended thanks @Mouchany
As for the fire part i can’t get anywhere nearby where i could do that. I mean there’s a forest like 5 miles away from my home but i recon it is public property and i really don’t know how to get there. Plus i don’t have any camping equipment at this time as i kinda lost it and another one got used and was broken so i can’t get in a camping trip or anywhere near a forest to light a campfire and sleep near it.

And it really helps for me just to be here and write everything down…
As for the help i can’t get it immediately as i have to search for the group to talk to and since i don’t really have any reliable friends that i can talk to at this time i’m kinda isolated for real.
The nearest group i could join would be in another town. Nearby but i wouldn’t necessarily be able to get there easily. I’mma give it a try.

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Hey @anon72351403, I just noticed something. 5% other stuff, 95 % magic.

It’s sounds like your afraid of regular life. It’s same with addicts, even the destructive thing. They hate regular things and regular life. But you are so young and you have to break that chain. Study, work, work as a volunteer (this pushes you to go and do other stuff). It puts your mind in another place to. Believe me been there and still have that problem I fight with. And really hating yourself means working on yourself. Accept who you are. A nice guy :slight_smile:

I wish you a nice weekend and hope you will get better. I’m really sorry to hear that your life is being so difficult now!

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SPOT ON! My whole life i’ve been afraid of regular life and regular people besides my family.
It kinda became a habit to be like this.

I kinda am HEAVILY addicted to magic. I don’t know how to think of anything else. Even if i try REALLY HARD to take my mind off magic i somehow end up back there. In my usual mind in void state. FUCK! why did i had to do this to myself?:sob:

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Just staring into a candle will be an okay alternative then.

You are not your thoughts. Remember that. Try to think about being a child and not being scared of your imagination because it was just there like breathing. Thoughts can be seen as a stream you can step away from, like a waterfall. You sound like you need to detach yourself in that way. Identify yourself with the peace you have somewhere inside. I also helps to say exactly how you feel. Like saying: I am chaos. I remember doing so. Honesty dissolves things in my experience. It removes unnecessary layers is a way of saying it. Good luck!

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There are already many good advices on this post and @Lady_Eva is right, you should try to interract with normal people. It can be in any way just to change your ideas try to stay in the “normal world” as often as possible.

You used to like astronomy right? Just go to an astronomy museum there you will find people to chat a little bit with, go take a tea in a cafe and try to have conversations with someone, if you’re not really sociable maybe it could be easier with the waiter at the bar, try to have really normal and basic conversations / thoughts, nothing that really need to think much.

Try to be outside as often as possible during the day and if the contact with people is too hard for you, just stay in a place full of people with a bank, and read a book, even a stupid book with jokes, really I think that you should totally try to calm your mind with anything.

Sorry for my bad english hope it’s clear

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That is not bad English, that is English with a little bit of charm. :slight_smile:

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Also, try to do an activity who can exhaust you, for me yoga was perfect because it cleared my mind but after every session I was sleepy. So it can help maybe just a long jogging but something to help being sleepy at night so you can sleep. It’s better to have nightmares but at least to sleep than being paranoid at home, the lack of sleep accentuate every paranoia.

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Thank you it’s sweet from you :black_heart:

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Do you have any non-magickal topics you know about or want to learn? Try a forum for those and make it a rule - no magick talk on there, not even if the coolest member has a magick-themed avatar.

Sometimes it takes an act of will to break a pattern that’s not helpful to you.

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I was just thinking, what can be more grounding than Patsy Cline and some biscuits?

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@anon72351403, I tried energy sensing you. There is a lot of anger involved. I saw some images, but wont go into detail unless asked. I do know that when hostility eyed me, a swastika or upright pentagram halted them in their tracks, along with the will that I would not allow that in my reality or my mind.
I would recommend breathing, and developing a will that you will no longer be affected by this. That may take time, so I second the advice from @Lady_Eva. You should do some activity that does not involve magic, and that demands your attention to not be interfered with. Shutting yourself in s not the answer. Socializing is the answer.
My opinions anyway.

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@Fuego1 Can you PM me every detail you saw. Thanks. I’m starting to get some clarity about something.

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