My dilemma with existence and sin

I have been very derealized and depersonalized for probably couple weeks now, going worse and worse in my anxiety…

And as i was searching for truth i stumbled upon a zoroastrian word “asha” and in between of reading about zoroastrianism i did masturbate - and this word was also in my head, after this i got very scared since i thought maybe this was a sin to think about this word and masturbate -> and it indeed was "

This is from wikipedia:
O Maker of the material world, thou Holy One! If a man voluntarily emits his seed, what is the penalty for it? What is the atonement for it? What is the cleansing from it?

"Ahura Mazda answered: ‘For that deed there is nothing that can pay, nothing that can atone, nothing that can cleanse from it; it is a trespass for which there is no atonement, for ever and ever.’

When is it so?

'It is so, if the sinner be a professor of the law of Mazda, or one who has been taught in it. But if he be not a professor of the law of Mazda, nor one who has been taught in it, then this law of Mazda takes his sin from him, if he confesses it and resolves never to commit again such forbidden deeds."

Well in my knowledge i’m not professor in the law of Mazda, or have not been taught in it - but i still got very anxious because of this since i have read a little about zoroastrianism and i didn’t know/remember that this was unpardonable sin while i did masturbate, and the most anxious part of this is that i thought their word “Asha asha…” in my head couple times while doing that sin for which i’m really sorry, and i hope my sin can be taken away…

Anyone else know about this or anything? i don’t know what is real anymore…

Mate, sounds to me like you are having a bit of a mini break down. I honestly don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Trust me, I am a highly anxious and paranoid individual and I often have days where I feel I am losing touch with reality. In fact I’m sort of going through a crisis period myself, so I know the feeling.

You need to ask yourself- why the fuck do you care what some ancient dualistic religion says is right and wrong? You surely don’t follow the rules of Christianity or Islam or any of those mainstream religions, so why care about some arbitrary ‘rule’ from Zoroastrianism?

I don’t know what the word asha means. Yes it is noted that is sounds similar to my username, which means aether, but that is from ancient Indian origin so doubt it is related.

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Well in persian or whatever language they are using it means “Truth” which i have been searching for, this was why i was praising the word in my mind - as i have been feeling like i don’t understand anything about my existence in this period.

But i’m so worried because after my masturbation i stumbled upon that law, and read the description of their hell which i didn’t even know they have and it was such horror… But i guess i can’t be considered as someone who is taught the law of mazda? i just got very intense fear if i would suffer of this forever.

And me oh… i’m having a total breakdown.

Seems to be iranian language.

And i even stated that Asha is ultimately with me ( the opposite of lies ) so i’m fearful that their good has a grasp on me.

But then again we could think of these as just words.

Trust me, do not worry about it. It’s like if I suddenly for no apparent reason decided to abide by the old Judaic laws regarding menstruation or something equally ridiculous. Like this sort of thing:

Leviticus 15:19-30
“When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening.

See what I mean? Silly right?

[quote=“Akasha, post:4, topic:6956”]Trust me, do not worry about it. It’s like if I suddenly for no apparent reason decided to abide by the old Judaic laws regarding menstruation or something equally ridiculous. Like this sort of thing:

Leviticus 15:19-30
“When a woman has a discharge, and the discharge in her body is blood, she shall be in her menstrual impurity for seven days, and whoever touches her shall be unclean until the evening.

See what I mean? Silly right?[/quote]

Yeah well, i’m just in so nervous state that i’m scared of their hell.

Are you scared of the Christian hell? Or helheim? Or the ancient Greek underworld? See what I mean?

No need to worry about this. I think you need some rest, chill out a bit and take a break from all this research, until you’re feeling more in control. I would even suggest seeing a therapist, but I know that makes me a massive hypocrite, seeing as I have been refusing psychiatric help myself.

Well i’m not scared of those hells because in greek or helheim i could maybe even go, and i’m not sure have i done any christians sins + in christianity sins are forgive able unlike in zoroastrianism… I just wish that it is seen that i was not aware of this rule nor taught properly in law of mazda when i did this sin.

Think about this objectively, reasonably- all these supposed ‘sins’ are man-made, they are of no consequence. All these stories about burning in hell etc- its pure myth. I am on a quest for truth too, but I do not believe it is to be found in all these ancient fairytales :slight_smile:

Well yeah, but just to be sure i would want affirmation from Zoroastrians of Ahura Mazda that i’m not to be condemned for i was not taught to be a professor of their law even if i first got so excited of their concept of truth etc, but now i’m actually really scared when i read about their hell and un-forgiveness. I guess EA has blasphemed them by calling Ahriman but that’s a different story.

Black Flame, I know exactly where you are right now - trapped in your own head with a bunch of negative thoughts. You are trying to make sense of things and are grabbing onto random stuff that your negative brain waves are trying to find meaning in. In a more positive thinking moment you wouldn’t give these ideas a second thought. I am a reiki master and can try to do some healing for you via distance if you like. It may be enough for you to regain a little more calm to your mind in which to increase some more positive thinking. PM me & we can come up with a time that suits you - I’ll need 20/30mins where you can just lay down & relax.

Oh, my. You have no idea how many times I have intentionally and impulsively broken or disregarded the “rules” magikally speaking. Listen. Jews don’t eat pork because it is unclean. Wait… serious misrepresentation of an archaic rule. At the time that directive was made, the swine WERE unclean. As in diseased and dying. And killing people that ate them. Does that really apply to today? So does it really matter?

Well at least i should not have stated that “Asha” is ultimately with me if their religion is so hostile against me, and in their hell you are fed parts of your own body and children etc…

“The man that lies with mankind as man lies with womankind, or as woman lies with mankind, is a man that is a Daeva [demon]; this man is a worshipper of the Daevas, a male paramour of the Daevas[5][6]”

This seems to also be a sin that i have done, but that was one time in a past… but if this text accords right, this makes me … “a demon” ? raelly confusing

Matters if a creator god truly said that its forbidden to mastrubate, and i did this deadly sin just in between reading about their religion and were thinking about their words, but i was not aware at all that what i was doing was somehow so wrong.

Well I would imagine that it means a priest of Ahura Mazda or something similar.

But again, I truly do not believe you have anything to worry about, like SERIOUSLY!

I’ve got more to say on this subject but I am literally falling asleep as I type this. I will type a longer response tomorrow. Maybe you should get some rest? Sometimes that’s the best thing to do when having this sort of existential crisis- you may well wake up tomorrow and realise how silly this worry is :slight_smile:

Excellent advice from stephdeather and janelle btw.

See, many of us experience this sort of paranoia from time to time :slight_smile:

Ahura Mazda i still don’t know who i should confess my sin, and i hope you know i was not aware of doing such a terminal sin so i hope your law frees me from it, although i still don’t know am i bound by your rules or not since how can i be seen as taught of it, especially as before my forbidden act i had only skimmed through wikipedia articles of zoroastrianism for like 10-20 minutes, and what i have done now is just searched for those pages describing this sin… So i hope someone can reveal was i taught in law of mazda and what is the punishment, if you are the truth maybe you will reveal me - and you know my state. You know that i was not aware of this rule, and you can tell me am i to obey these rules or not and who i would have to confess.

If you come to me, then i know who’ll to confess it but i admit that this will be very hard for me to stop - yet if you give me no choice i have to resolve myself not to commit such needs, yet i do truly hope you teach me that why is it evil?

If you are the great creator, i’m sure you have seen what i have written and you understand why i am like i am. I also wish that you would tell me why should people be condemned to such “hells” ?

I know a prostitute in Christchurch, New Zealand, who goes by the name, Asha. She’s beautiful and I’m sure many men have wanked, whilst uttering her name.
Seriously, Black Flame, I don’t know if you were raised with a harsh, dualistic religion as I was. Try as I might, I cannot seem to completely banish that irritating little voice that says, “Just your luck if those bastards were right all along, eh?” I was recently introduced to a really cool band, Dimmu Borgir. I was listening to their song, “Burn In Hell” just yesterday and I had to turn it off, because it was making me uncomfortable.
EA Koetting says that thru his adventures in soul travel, he knows exactly where he’ll be going after death. I’m devoting my own spare time to studying soul travel, because amongst other things, I would much like to have a similar reassurance. Take a few deep breaths, dude and if there is anything at all that might be contributing to this paranoia you are experiencing, back off on it a bit.

Somehow I doubt things are actually going to do shit to you because you masturbated. I often times need to masturbate to get to sleep. The only occult consequences for me, is that apparently masturbation makes me lazy due to expelling a certain type of energy. To counter this I have some vampiric entities take all the energy out of my splooge and give it back to me, and with that my laziness problem was done away with. Howeverr none of the entities that informed me of that issue took exception tot he fact that I masturbated, they just took issue with the unintended consequences of that action because nothing was getting done with me being lazy.

But yeah, you shouldn’t worry because in the unlikely event these gods actually do care enough to drag you to hell for masturbating, you should know that they will most likely come for me first as I masturbate almost every night! And if that happens I will go to war against them and I will crush them utterly! And then I will make masturbation spiritually ok, in fact I will make it something that is favored in the worlds new spiritual order!

They also think clipping your nails and putting them in the trash or down the shower etc. is evil, and so’s putting shed hair in the trash (especially if it gets incinerated) - I don’t mean this in a nasty way, but Zoroastrianism has a level of taboo around stuff like this that would be considered pathological if someone in a modern western society started doing it with no context.

They’re the people who leave the bodies of their dead on “Towers of Silence” to be eaten by birds, so the body doesn’t corrupt the flame (which is sacred) or the earth - they also say you’ll go to hell if you ever pee while (still) eating - so if you’ve ever nipped to the loo while finishing a mouthful of food, you’re kind of damned as well.

But I’m pretty sure their god has people like me who actively summoned and got possessed by Ahriman a little higher on its list, than some bored bloke making hand shandy…

Honestly, why take this any more seriously than any other folk religion out there - why do these weird middle eastern cults seem to exert such fascination over people?!

You might as well find out what the Aztecs did and live by that…

Anyone else know about this or anything? i don't know what is real anymore...

Yeah, it sounds like you’re cracking up a bit to be honest. It happens, what matters is whether you deal with it, or give in and don’t try to take back control of your thoughts and attention.

There’s no safety net to “I’ll just let this keep happening,” so if you don’t take action, you’re going to end up on a long road to meds, and most anti-psychotics make people fat and twitchy.

I strongly recommend that you get off this website and all others about magick/spirituality/religion etc (anything to do with “invisible friends”) for 8 weeks, minimum - I can easily put a temporary block on your account if you want me to, it’s never a problem to ask for a time-out. And you can block a bunch of other stuff using Leechblock or something similar.

Also, check in with your doctor, and ask him/her about taking a multi-vitamin, cut out booze and cut down on caffiene, drink plenty of water throughout the day, eat healthy fresh foods and join a gym, or learn calisthenics, or some bodyweight exercises

Is my opinion.

In other words get out of the world of your mind and this far-out woo-woo stuff online, and get grounded back in your body.

Usual disclaimer of “I’m not a licensed medical professional” but I have been close to where I think you’re at in the past, and I took action to get back in balance.

Good lord, man. The enemy is the thing between your ears. It’s running amok. Your mind is in overdrive about to blow a rod. Unplug. Stop projecting meaning onto the meaningless. It’s only as real as you let your hyperactive mind make it. It’s an illusion. If you want Ahura Mazda to be real, your mind will make it real. Not trying to sound preachy or condescending but that’s where one has to be careful about unleashing these psychological forces through magick.

I understand where you are at the moment. Lady Eva gave you good advice regarding strenuous exercise and easing off the stimulants if you’re a big coffee drinker.

You’re going to come out the other side of this cerebral juggernaut sooner or later a little scarred and a little stronger, wiser, and more galvanized after dueling with the demons of your own mind. Hang in there and remember to stop and take deep breaths and remember that when it’s all said and done you’re going to be alright.

PS…Ahura Mazda just told me he loves cum shots… :wink: