I started the Black Sun meditation, I’m gonna upload this post over days as a kind of journal, if you’re curious about it and interested to see in the details.
Day 1 :
Nothing happened, I had troubles to visualise. But then I’ve been able to sleep for only 4 hours.
Day 2 :
- I’m usually not very good at visualisation. During the meditation, I felt something on my teeth. As soon as I started to wonder what that could be, I entered in a kind of lucid dream, in which I was pulling my teeth out (just like that, no pain or disturbance) to look at it with my eyes. I saw every details like it was reality, I don’t even know how a teeth is. And I noticed a little caries. As I was looking at it, it started to grow and rot the entire teeth, like if it was showing me what’s gonna happen if I don’t take care of it. I don’t know if that’s true.
- I fell asleep 2 hours, and this whole sleeping time was lucid and interlocked dreams. It was not too scary but it was about my anxieties. For example I had to deal with the idea to loose one of my kitten, something terrible had happened to him. It was awfull because it looked like a sort of premonition. So I don’t know if it’s a premonition, or if I was dreaming about this fear I have to loose my kittens. I hope it’s about my fears.
- When I wanted to go back to sleep, I thought again about the black sun. I was trying to imagine I was comfortable under it, and I heard a very loud creepy kind of demonic voice in my head shout “LIES !!!”. It was right. I’m afraid of the dark since I’m 12, it’s better now but I had really violent crises over my life with it (yeah I know very sexy, please contain your passions). That’s one of the reasons I’m living at night, sometimes I can go crazy anxious for hours and can’t blink an eye before the first sunlights, there are nights I just can’t sleep before the sun arises. So it’s against the exercise to think the Black Sun is comfortable to me, as the sun we know is the one that reassures me. So… at that point I realized I already entered in the heart of the matter. I’m gonna have a nice week lol.
I don’t remember well everything, I had an agitated night, I woke up several times. As it was still night, I made the black sun still above my head, I waited the morning to make it down. Maybe it was an unnecessary violence ? I don’t know if it’s supposed to be progressive but it’s already pretty intense, I give up going back to sleep for tonight.
Day 3 :
For some reasons this night was pretty erotic. I lightly felt like I was having astral sex. Had some kind of visions I don’t remember of, lucid dreams, and again only 3h sleeping. But I felt pretty good during the “exposition”. A bit anxious, but ready to face whatever I’d have to.
So far, I feel like my visualisation is increased, so are my divination skills.
I have to say it fucks up my sleep ^^.
And I think the black sun is gonna make me face my fears. I’m usually pretty much at ease with introspective tools, because I tend to be transparent towards myself, and if I find some unpleasant thing hidden I’m just happy that it’s not hidden anymore. I’m okay to face myself.
But fears… yeah, this is something I like to deal with on my own. I don’t like to be confronted to them without my freewill.
The difficulty is gonna be to not hate and be freaked out by the exercise itself. But I clearly feel something, I didn’t expect that, I feel like I made a pact with some god and let him all rights on my mind for one week in exchange of some increased abilities.