My Ascent

My entire life has seemed to be a series of experiences guiding me to understanding of Higher Power.

As a child, I felt very much ‘not of this world.’ Especially in times of being scolded, sent to my room, as I would feel as if I do not belong in this world and find it to be strenuous & tedious to sort my way through life.

When I was 13, I reached my first spiritual milestones. Chiefly among them was my realization that I am able to feel other people’s emotions. To feel their feelings internally, just as I do my own emotion (which I now understand to be empath)… I could never understand why I felt so absolutely sad when I saw someone crying, or why I myself became angry anytime I was around someone who was angry. I realized I am capable of experiencing their feelings directly. With this realization came the affirmation that I am indeed a unique soul. Which up until then had always been a vague and unexplainable notion; that I knew deep down I was different but had no idea why I felt that way, nor had any idea how significant this was.

By the time I was in high school I had become incredibly curious about myself and exploring the scope of my apparent uniquenes. I didn’t know what magick was, I thought spirituality equated to religion, and that religion meant Christianity. Having no interest in religion I explored the ‘powers’ I realized I possessed. I found that not only could I experience others emotions by feelings them myself, but I could also influence them to feeling one emotion or another of my choosing. In simple terms, I could plant an emotion in someone and then reinforce it in various ways.

I had always identified myself with darkness and the powers of it mind you, I still knew nothing of magick, spirits, or had any real conception of what the dark arts were. So I felt these powers were mine to exert over lesser human beings. I had a great time identifying which girls were attracted to me and then basically strengthening that feeling of attraction until in less than a few days they were absolutely attached to me. At which point I would find someone I like more and leave them with that feeling of loss, which I would also strengthen.

By the time I was 18 - 19, I had become aware of spirituality and was beginning to seek understanding of magick. I had become aware all my previous usage of my innate magical ability was serving my ego. I felt like I am greater than all those ‘normal’ people and I was meant to have dominion over, or simply be above them.

As I studied spirituality, the Law of Attraction and other ‘New Age’ ideas resonated with me. I felt I basically reached the summit; achieved ‘Godgood.’ My every desire and whim was manifested either directly through coincidence or through manipulation of others. These were all petty in hindsight, but I was amazed by my ability to manifest anything and everything I wanted. I felt invincible.

I had gotten my first real conception of the dark arts when I discovered the Satanic Bible. Having read the entire book in less than a couple hours, it resonated strongly with me. Due to my affinity with darkness, I labeled myself a Satanist.

Soon after that, within a month or so of considering myself a Satanist, I received what I was positive was a telepathic communication from who I knew was Lucifer. This was a rather significant moment in that I had learned how spirits communicate telepathically. Which was contrary to telepathy portrayed in movies and books as a voice in one’s head that is clearly different than one’s inner voice. I digress. Lucifer had conveyed to me that he is not the same entity as Satan, and he is the true Lord of Earth. He said I have a grand destiny before me and he will guide and teach me on the way.

After doing a bit of research on Lucifer I had found that I wholeheartedly resonated with Luciferian ideology. I decided at that point Lucifer would be my chosen ‘God’ or deity in whose likeness I would mold myself.

in 2014 I performed my first full evocation of Lucifer to formally accept his influence.

That brings me to where I am now: I am interested in and actively studying various forms of magick. I am involved in an A.’.A.’. Order to which I am climbing the Tree of Life. I am interested in Chaos Magick as well. Most recently, I am very interested in Jinn and plan to work with them.