[quote=“DouglasJamesCameronFuego, post:7, topic:3071”][quote=“Orismen, post:2, topic:3071”]I don’t know if you are being serious or not.
I remember you posting on R.O.'s wall that this place went downhill once everyone was crying about being cursed all the time. So you may be attempting your hand at humor, I hope not because suicide is not a laughing matter.
How ever if you are serious I extend my sympathies to you. You are dealing with serious SHIt, as someone who struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts often I know a bit of what you are going through. I know that I don’t know your situation and I am not in your head, I only know what it is like to have a gun placed to your temple as your trigger finger trembles.
Please get help. Call the suicide hotline, think of your beautiful family. You can get through this man, if you want I will do a reading for you to see if you are cursed and what you can do to remedy it.
Please do not kill yourself, you are worth it.
Thanks, thank you much.
It wasn’t a joke, it hit me all of a sudden and I wanted to kill myself, whether walking in front of cars, jumping from heights, etc. I go to Paneras to try and get away and clear my head, and from second one, people were pissing me off. I was not quiet about my feelings there and was ok with being viewed as a lunatic. Someone made a comment that pissed me off so bad, I said “Fine, you cant leave a person alone when theyre obviously afflicted, fuck you, since angels and elementals dont talk to me, perhaps a demon will and have you fuckers for a tasty snack”, I start to chant the words aloud, nada happens. Frustrated at laughter more and more, I had it, I went and found a deserted (semi anyway, some asshole followed me until I shouted “I’m suicidal and therefore dont give a shit if I take someone with me. Go the fuck away or I’ll find you and take you with me”. Someone started running off.
So I sat there, screaming at God and getting no answer. I hated absolutely everything and everyone. I sat watching trucks pass and getting ready for a leap, then thought about what it would do to the driver and other ones behind them. I then didnt want someone else to die as well. I shouted at God to give him two days to show me what worth I have as a person, in a way that doesnt come from anyone else or heard in any way what I went through. I finally left, defeated, and went and scarfed down a qp meal (I have to force myself to eat sometimes these days). I get home and my annoying neighbors (annoying because I have had no sex with anyone I care about lately, and they get it on every night, and I sniped comments back at whoever at their party was talking smack, finally wrote an apology, stuck it under their door and felt someone grab it and seconds later laughter.
I then called a friend and my sister to tell them what I was going through, they helped me get to a place of calm. I just hate how fake people are or can be – only animals as far as I’ve seen exhibit authentic feelings and behavior.
Anywy, fww, thanks - I’m still running on low but feeling good enough to talk to anyone now – I am such an introvert that when I get hurt or pissed off, I dont want to hear or see a single human being, just to find space and decompress. So again, thanks.
While I am apologizing for what I’ve done, I want to extend a personal apology to each and every one of you - I have said nasty things about Eric and his group, sometimes publicly. I really am sorry, all you folks are quite all right, quite the reverse of what I thought an evil mage would be like
Any such comments simply came from a place of ignorance, fear, years of christian (deformed) programming, years of TV programming, and bitterness in general. Again, my apologies.