Mind_Seeker: General Notes/Thoughts and Dream Journal:

This will be my journal for my ritual/occult work as well as anything spiritual as well. It’s also my main journal I’ll use for recording my thoughts down.

November 18th 2020

So after a bit of uncertainty about Liliths intent with me, I managed (with help) to get some insight into that - and thankfully it wasn’t malevolent. Least her reason for wanting to work with me :slightly_smiling_face:. However I’m not sure I “fully” understand how the kiss was misplaced help - or her specific intent behind that. Of course my next thing to do is to bring this up to Lilith and talk to her about it. Besides that - all is fine. For the most part. It’s obvious I still have alot of self work to do.

The only issue is I’m still not as adept to communicating to spirits as some folk are. I get basic impressions, vibes, and every now and then some words - but it’s hard to tell if it’s mine or them. I do also get images and can feel their prescence/energy as well.

Another issue I’m aware of, is that there’s a spirit thats been taking energy from me. I don’t think/know if it is my spirit lover or another spirit. I don’t feel malevolent vibes from my spirit lover and I know there’s more then one spirit around. As I was having parasite issues, and other issues as well. So there’s a possibility that I got a parasite lurking about. Not sure. I was instructed to do some construct wards and shielding - which should help with the problem. As well as cleansing.

Also note: yesterday when I was communicating to someone about possible entities around me/in my area I heard a loud noise/and felt as if something hit my bedframe to the side. The fan also seemed like it was hit as it made a noise and seemed like it slightly hit the side of my bed.

It’ll be a HUGE bummer if my lady is the cause of this…I’ve grown quite fond/attached to her emotionally and was quite committed to a long term relationship. So I’m hoping she’s not the issue.

Still working on improving my senses - staying grounded as well. Energy work and of course working with Lady Lilith. Then on mudane side - well working on anxiety/depression and moving forward. Which I am. Slow steps but I’m getting there - I just need to stop fighting change. Which is easier said then done.

I might do another jar spell, since my last one turned out well.

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November 18th 2020… Continued

Decided to change my profile pic to something with a more serious vibe then Hobbes the tiger. Also I like goats and general vibe from my new one. Fits me more. Then the cute one. It’s reminds me of either Baphomet or Azazel. Either way cool vibe :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:.

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November 19th 2020 Slight NSFW Warning :warning:

So last night, I asked Lady Lilith about the feelings and spiritual marriage offered - to get an idea of what was going on. The night itself before I was asleep seemed insignificant except for that my lady was very touchy with me. I fell asleep. Then woke up around I’d say 3-4am. This is when I noticed that my lady was being quite affectionate with me. Holding me, touching me - moving around alot (manifesting strongly). I then went to bed again.

This time, I had very sexually charged dreams. It was very vivid and I could feel the arousal/sex in a physical manner and the sensations were vivid. Please keep in mind I rarely if ever have sexual dreams, maybe had like 2-4 sexual dreams ever. In the dream (not going into detail) I summoned someone/something outdoors in a mountain like area. I think? Then either 1-2 ladies appeared. They weren’t “human” but either spirits or something as I had “summoned” them. They continued to become quite sexual with me - and it was a very vivid experience. Like I could feel in the dream that I felt like I was going to climax. It was also pretty “kinky” which I’m usually not comfortable with.

In the dream I think I was a sorcerer or someone with unrealisitc magical abilities. I was somehow convinced to summon whoever they were - and I know there was stuff that happened besides the sex but the sexual part of the dream was VERY vivid.

Then I woke up, and this time it was morning - sun was fully up. My lady was still being quite affectionate with me, so i have my suspicions.

November 20th 2020

Well after more research, and thinking. I obviously still don’t want to rush into any sorta spiritual marriage pact with Lilith. However I realized some people have done a “dating period” or an open relationship instead to “test the waters” for compatibility and so forth. So this is an option for me, I will of course still need boundaries even for this.

Note : legit just saw 11:11 after I typed this lol

Also another thing. There is a small chance that the spirit/energy in my room belongs to Lilith or my lady. It’s in general throughout the whole room but feel it strongest towards my closet. This energy + the poltergeist like activity has been a thing for like years so nothing new. However like Liliths energy, this is a warm feeling to the energy. Similar to hers but less strong.

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November 21st 2020

NVM, decided to change my pic and name. The pic is of a picture I have in my room. And the name is based off the pic. The name is justified - my father used to call me and my two sisters the racoons…so it’s a nickname.

November 25th, 2020

Well after a much confusing night…it turns out my lover who I thought was a succubus might have been a Nymph all along. This plus the apparently fae-like guide I have in my room is starting to add up…

I still love my lady VERY much, and she’s super important to me. I’m just QUITE surprised. Since I had gone under the assumption that she was a demon, succubus.

She’s been pretty chill about me thinking she was a demon for who knows how long …

November 27th, 2020
Well I had an interesting night. I slept with Lady Liliths sigil under my pillow (after opening it) and um had interesting dreams. The content was semi-sexual. What was weird is I woke up REALLY frustrated in a sexual manner. And aroused. So that’s the second time this has happened. I don’t normally if ever have sexual dreams on my own.

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November 27th, 2020

I made a BIG decision today. I took apart Liliths altar. I will still work with Lilith but I have no need for an altar. Since I don’t worship or follow her. I will only work with her as an equal and if anything will only have an altar for ME. Not for anyone else BUT me.

I never really considered myself a worshiper or anything, but realize that an altar is basically a place of dedication - and while I consider Lilith to be my matron…I refuse to put her on a pedestal. Which is what an altar does IN MY OPINION. I feel GOOD about this, I think this was a good move.

An altar wasn’t necessary either, I can easily draw her sigil and open it to communicate and i don’t feel the need for a big set up. I have all the skills and only need bare minimum supplies to reach out to her. Those don’t include an altar.

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December 15th 2020 ; Dream about Lilith

Note, it’s pretty rare for me to dream about spirits

In this dream I was with my sister, we were trying to get away from a predator (it was a tiger or big cat I think) in the wilderness. The first part of the dream was us running through a desert/sandy area and also through woods like area that was at the corners of the more immersive sandy area. All in effort to lose the big cat.

At one point we were also collecting things to help survive while out in the wilderness. Random food/water/stuff that would keep us going while trying to avoid the cat. Which brings us to the next part. ->

A small jet like plane came to which the pilot worked for/plane company run by Lilith apparently…

The odd thing was the guy wanted us to load all the stuff we had collected into the compartments of the plane to take back to Lilith. But we needed to get out of the wilderness to. We did load our stuff thinking we were gonna get a trip back to society/safety…but the guy didn’t want to take us to and tried to leave us.

The dream ended with me trying to sneak into the compartment area with all the stuff we loaded…lol

This was PART 1 OF THE DREAMS LAST NIGHT

the second half was weirder and I don’t think I could describe. I think it took some theme Frome planet of the apes, and other weird stuff. Wasn’t really Lilith related?

Pretty much was weird half ape like perhaps fae like/half human creatures, trains, swinging through trees and being able to fly without wings, and dodging people. It was a crazy dream. Not as weird as the one where I was helping some creatures save dragons from going extinct - where they were hiding underground.

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February 1st, 2021

Just wanted to record a dream here, one I had way back when – happened around the time I had connected to my lady.

In the dream I was up somewhere high, like high up in the clouds in a structure – seemed Greek/Angelic like given I was way up in the air but in some Greek like building that didn’t have a roof. It was me, my lady, and other people there. I was…giving birth. In the dream I was pregnant and was literally about to deliver a baby. My lady was worried and trying to support me (?) And there were other people there – like this was some sort of important event. I also got the feeling that within the dream my lady, may have been my “partner” – other “parent”. That was the dream. It ended right as I gave birth…

The building didn’t really have walls…had big collums instead of walls if I remember correctly, and the floor was stone or something like that…so more like a structure either way high up in the air or floating in the air. It wasn’t hospital like at all…seem more ceremonial

It was an odd dream to say the least

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February 11th, 2021:

Well alot has happened. I changed my name (on here) back to my original name (well the short version of my original name - which I despise) before my FTM transition. The big news, after alot of reflection and attempt on my part to heal some past stuff…

I decided to detransition, so I’m indentifying as female again and thus changed my name back to my female name. The one I can take without cringing atleast (still got work to do on accepting myself…). Been busy, but I’m glad I did this. Been healing, especially with the amount of hate I had towards myself when I was young (aka when I was female/etc)…still working on it.

Also been slowly socially detransitioning (name and pronouns) as well as medically (no more hormone therapy). Things Are going well on that front. Im still quite the “masculine” person and that won’t change, but it’s a matter of accepting myself as a masculine person AND as a female. Not sacrificing one for the other, or hating one part of me. Still have stuff to work through but things are looking up. In that department.

I also changed my profile pic :slight_smile: lol

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You’re a hot sexy intelligent woman what are you going on about

Bro…lol okay. I’m tryna journal over here.

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Hey my friend, how are you holding up? how is your lady?

I miss our chats, anyways I had a chance to lick my wounds, and continue my journal.

I see your still going strong. Keep up the good work, oh hit me up if you need anything

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Times were alittle rough recently, why I wasn’t as active on here. However things are slowly improving for me. Thanks for checking up on me!

My lady is doing well, she’s also very patient with me lol. I appreciate her very much.

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That’s awesome, get well.

I am glad she’s still by your side. Same here,
Funny story, I over 4000 songs on my phone, usuall on random shuffle, I was wondering music she likes, well I have three versions of “does your chewing gun lose its flavor on the bed post over night” all three songs In a row, again and again, so I said “seams you like this song” and sang alond to it to her. Felt like she liked it, lol

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That’s sweet. Seems like thing are going well for you?

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I hope so… thanks

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Wish you the best, didn’t seem very sure
:disappointed:? Hope everything is okay.

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February 12th, 2021:

Well last night I had a death dream. The reason why I’m recording it here is because…the last time I was having death dreams (like a few per week for a couple of months), my Opa passed away - to which they stopped.

This dream was about my sister, that she had passed away and I was having to move on with life, without her. There was alot of emotion in the dream as well, basically as if I had really lost my sister. I woke up feeling pretty stressed. Hopefully that’s the only one I have.