Mind_Seeker: General Notes and Thoughts Journal!

This will be my journal for my ritual/occult work as well as anything spiritual as well. It’s also my main journal I’ll use for recording my thoughts down.

November 18th 2020

So after a bit of uncertainty about Liliths intent with me, I managed (with help) to get some insight into that - and thankfully it wasn’t malevolent. Least her reason for wanting to work with me :slightly_smiling_face:. However I’m not sure I “fully” understand how the kiss was misplaced help - or her specific intent behind that. Of course my next thing to do is to bring this up to Lilith and talk to her about it. Besides that - all is fine. For the most part. It’s obvious I still have alot of self work to do.

The only issue is I’m still not as adept to communicating to spirits as some folk are. I get basic impressions, vibes, and every now and then some words - but it’s hard to tell if it’s mine or them. I do also get images and can feel their prescence/energy as well.

Another issue I’m aware of, is that there’s a spirit thats been taking energy from me. I don’t think/know if it is my spirit lover or another spirit. I don’t feel malevolent vibes from my spirit lover and I know there’s more then one spirit around. As I was having parasite issues, and other issues as well. So there’s a possibility that I got a parasite lurking about. Not sure. I was instructed to do some construct wards and shielding - which should help with the problem. As well as cleansing.

Also note: yesterday when I was communicating to someone about possible entities around me/in my area I heard a loud noise/and felt as if something hit my bedframe to the side. The fan also seemed like it was hit as it made a noise and seemed like it slightly hit the side of my bed.

It’ll be a HUGE bummer if my lady is the cause of this…I’ve grown quite fond/attached to her emotionally and was quite committed to a long term relationship. So I’m hoping she’s not the issue.

Still working on improving my senses - staying grounded as well. Energy work and of course working with Lady Lilith. Then on mudane side - well working on anxiety/depression and moving forward. Which I am. Slow steps but I’m getting there - I just need to stop fighting change. Which is easier said then done.

I might do another jar spell, since my last one turned out well.

November 18th 2020… Continued

Decided to change my profile pic to something with a more serious vibe then Hobbes the tiger. Also I like goats and general vibe from my new one. Fits me more. Then the cute one. It’s reminds me of either Baphomet or Azazel. Either way cool vibe :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:.

November 19th 2020 Slight NSFW Warning :warning:

So last night, I asked Lady Lilith about the feelings and spiritual marriage offered - to get an idea of what was going on. The night itself before I was asleep seemed insignificant except for that my lady was very touchy with me. I fell asleep. Then woke up around I’d say 3-4am. This is when I noticed that my lady was being quite affectionate with me. Holding me, touching me - moving around alot (manifesting strongly). I then went to bed again.

This time, I had very sexually charged dreams. It was very vivid and I could feel the arousal/sex in a physical manner and the sensations were vivid. Please keep in mind I rarely if ever have sexual dreams, maybe had like 2-4 sexual dreams ever. In the dream (not going into detail) I summoned someone/something outdoors in a mountain like area. I think? Then either 1-2 ladies appeared. They weren’t “human” but either spirits or something as I had “summoned” them. They continued to become quite sexual with me - and it was a very vivid experience. Like I could feel in the dream that I felt like I was going to climax. It was also pretty “kinky” which I’m usually not comfortable with.

In the dream I think I was a sorcerer or someone with unrealisitc magical abilities. I was somehow convinced to summon whoever they were - and I know there was stuff that happened besides the sex but the sexual part of the dream was VERY vivid.

Then I woke up, and this time it was morning - sun was fully up. My lady was still being quite affectionate with me, so i have my suspicions.

November 20th 2020

Well after more research, and thinking. I obviously still don’t want to rush into any sorta spiritual marriage pact with Lilith. However I realized some people have done a “dating period” or an open relationship instead to “test the waters” for compatibility and so forth. So this is an option for me, I will of course still need boundaries even for this.

Note : legit just saw 11:11 after I typed this lol

Also another thing. There is a small chance that the spirit/energy in my room belongs to Lilith or my lady. It’s in general throughout the whole room but feel it strongest towards my closet. This energy + the poltergeist like activity has been a thing for like years so nothing new. However like Liliths energy, this is a warm feeling to the energy. Similar to hers but less strong.

November 21st 2020

NVM, decided to change my pic and name. The pic is of a picture I have in my room. And the name is based off the pic. The name is justified - my father used to call me and my two sisters the racoons…so it’s a nickname.

November 25th, 2020

Well after a much confusing night…it turns out my lover who I thought was a succubus might have been a Nymph all along. This plus the apparently fae-like guide I have in my room is starting to add up…

I still love my lady VERY much, and she’s super important to me. I’m just QUITE surprised. Since I had gone under the assumption that she was a demon, succubus.

She’s been pretty chill about me thinking she was a demon for who knows how long …

November 27th, 2020
Well I had an interesting night. I slept with Lady Liliths sigil under my pillow (after opening it) and um had interesting dreams. The content was semi-sexual. What was weird is I woke up REALLY frustrated in a sexual manner. And aroused. So that’s the second time this has happened. I don’t normally if ever have sexual dreams on my own.

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November 27th, 2020

I made a BIG decision today. I took apart Liliths altar. I will still work with Lilith but I have no need for an altar. Since I don’t worship or follow her. I will only work with her as an equal and if anything will only have an altar for ME. Not for anyone else BUT me.

I never really considered myself a worshiper or anything, but realize that an altar is basically a place of dedication - and while I consider Lilith to be my matron…I refuse to put her on a pedestal. Which is what an altar does IN MY OPINION. I feel GOOD about this, I think this was a good move.

An altar wasn’t necessary either, I can easily draw her sigil and open it to communicate and i don’t feel the need for a big set up. I have all the skills and only need bare minimum supplies to reach out to her. Those don’t include an altar.

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