This will serve as my journal. I’ll start with where I’m at now.
So… Magic. Real or imagined? There’s only one way to find out. I try not to half-ass things so I’m betting my whole backside on this.
My interest currently is Lilith. Lucifer seems like the smart way to go but the damn Christian background is screwing with me on this. I wouldn’t appreciate it if someone had me over to their place to poke at me and see if I’m evil or not, so I’ll do the old demon the courtesy of dealing with my own crap instead of pushing it on him.
But Lilith… I don’t know her but I know of her. Now THAT is a fascinating story if true. Rejecting Adam, demonified by a vengeful old testament entity, and with bad reputation for all who don’t know her. I don’t know what her truth is but I figure the only way to know is to ask. Which I will be doing today. This isn’t about sex, by the way. I will endeavour to stay disciplined and on track instead of making the same mistakes as billions of other men in history.
This about learning what I can do, not what can be done to or for me.
But what do I want out of this? Do I want to be a god? No, I want freedom. I want truth. I want to know the great mysteries and wield unfathomable power only so I can be free to be me. But this feels a little dishonest or at least incomplete. For now, my true motives will remain a mystery, maybe even to me. Let’s call this an adventure in self-exploration for now.
And so here begins my journey. My own stuff is mine. I will not let PTSD, depression, ADHD, or my personal failures or weaknesses inhibit my journey or my actions. I take full ownership of everything that happens from here on in. If I succeed, it was my doing. If I fail, it was my doing. Of course credit for any help received along the way but ultimately we are the sum of what we do. To say that anything happens as a result of others suggests first that we are powerless. Second, it suggests that those who affect us are more powerful than us. And third, if we are the sum of what we do, then who we are is entirely dictated by other people.
I am me. Anyone who says otherwise be damned.
I’m coming Lilith. Humble, foolhardy, and ignorant. Let’s hope you’re forgiving and patient.