Mercurial Methodology

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
1

This will serve as my journal. I’ll start with where I’m at now.

So… Magic. Real or imagined? There’s only one way to find out. I try not to half-ass things so I’m betting my whole backside on this.

My interest currently is Lilith. Lucifer seems like the smart way to go but the damn Christian background is screwing with me on this. I wouldn’t appreciate it if someone had me over to their place to poke at me and see if I’m evil or not, so I’ll do the old demon the courtesy of dealing with my own crap instead of pushing it on him.

But Lilith… I don’t know her but I know of her. Now THAT is a fascinating story if true. Rejecting Adam, demonified by a vengeful old testament entity, and with bad reputation for all who don’t know her. I don’t know what her truth is but I figure the only way to know is to ask. Which I will be doing today. This isn’t about sex, by the way. I will endeavour to stay disciplined and on track instead of making the same mistakes as billions of other men in history.

This about learning what I can do, not what can be done to or for me.

But what do I want out of this? Do I want to be a god? No, I want freedom. I want truth. I want to know the great mysteries and wield unfathomable power only so I can be free to be me. But this feels a little dishonest or at least incomplete. For now, my true motives will remain a mystery, maybe even to me. Let’s call this an adventure in self-exploration for now.

And so here begins my journey. My own stuff is mine. I will not let PTSD, depression, ADHD, or my personal failures or weaknesses inhibit my journey or my actions. I take full ownership of everything that happens from here on in. If I succeed, it was my doing. If I fail, it was my doing. Of course credit for any help received along the way but ultimately we are the sum of what we do. To say that anything happens as a result of others suggests first that we are powerless. Second, it suggests that those who affect us are more powerful than us. And third, if we are the sum of what we do, then who we are is entirely dictated by other people.

I am me. Anyone who says otherwise be damned.

I’m coming Lilith. Humble, foolhardy, and ignorant. Let’s hope you’re forgiving and patient.

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2

Dont let other people keep boundaries for you, all my life people have been judging me whats right and wrong for me, but now i have given up and brought up this quote “fuck others think” and i dont let broken people break me
There are no limits to the power we bring.”
-E.A. Koetting

Good luck on your journey

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3

Damn! Well said!

4

I am hours away from attempting to connect with Lilith and I am having the most intrusive, sexual thoughts. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid but my own desires are apparently flooding in… Damn.

Maybe I’ll relieve myself before starting. I want to be clearheaded for my attempt.

Being human is SO annoying, no matter how amazing distractions feel or how often I want them. I won’t let this slow me down.

5

I know I must be patient, I know it takes time. My burden to bear it seems.

There is a presence. I believe it’s the succubus I asked for with my letter of intent. All efforts to communicate have been… Disappointing. I’m actually sad about it. I can sense her if only barely and I feel as though I haven’t much to offer her. Yet. I want to know about her. Her name, what she likes, can she help me, how do I talk to her, is she happy with our arrangement, etc.

I need to meditate. Clear my head and really buckle down to try and connect. I need to put much more effort I to this now that another entity is spending time with me. It seems only fair.

I just wish this was all much faster but bitching won’t help here. Only action.

6

Tried connecting with my succubus. Maybe I should try connecting with patience instead. :thinking:

Anyway, nothing happened there but something DID happen later. Now I’m not one to kiss and tell… Or more accurately jerk off and write a forum post about it but here I am.

I’ll spare the dirty details but suffice to say that entered a very deep trance (compliments of one of my fetishes) and was midway through the experience when I felt a weight, a fucking physical weight, on top of my thighs. I felt cold air on my face and brushed along the hair on my forearms.

Rather than fear or surprise, I exploded instead and I have to say it was an extremely potent experience. I felt groggy as hell after too. Felt like I weighed 200 more lbs than usual and moving or waking myself up was way more of a trial than it should have been.

I said thank you.

Not quite the level of actual communication I was hoping for but I still talk to her like she’s always around. Hopefully she appreciates that. I don’t have a name so I just call her “partner” for now.

7

I’ve finally decided what I want out of this. Damn right I want to be a god but not in the traditional sense, I think.

I want to be a physical terror. I’m already 6’ 5" and a very solid 220 lbs but I want more. Fast, strong, durable. No matter what thrown at me, I want to survive and counter. Limitless vitality.

I want to be a mental fortress as well. Unyielding, uncompromising, unencumbered by the trivial. I want limitless discipline because a man with perfect discipline cannot be stopped and has no weaknesses. PTSD, depression, anxiety, doubt, heartbreak, none of these have slowed me down yet. Frankly, I believe these things are only as potent as we let them be. But taking it up a notch, I want an iron mind.

The above are in case all else fails. Should I be attacked in a method I cannot defend against, I need the foundation of the above to take and deal my own damage.

As far as magical ability, simple. Take no shit, give no shit. No better friend, no worse enemy.

I’ll never be powerful. I have no talent in this world. So I’ll need to be smarter, wiser, and deceptive in my approach. This is where the discipline comes in.

And this is where I have found a neat new trick. It was a trick I picked up long ago on the other side of the planet but I never had a name for it. It’s a cold detachment, for lack of a cool moniker but I have learned to attach my senses to it as well. At the drop of a hat, I can cut cold any and all connection with magick. (Thank you ex-girlfriend)

More details in the next post

8

Alright, details time.

I’ll call it a firewall. There are no visuals, no process, no mindset. It’s the complete and unbreakable headspace of neutral. It’s the detachment of your higher functions from your lower. I still feel everything, can sense the limited supernatural that I can, but I’m unplugged. Feeling but unaffected. It’s difficult to explain.

When I tried this on my ex, who may or may not have been targeting me magically, everything flatlined. Thoughts of her went cold, sexual tension died immediately, and all compulsory urges vanished. Like a reset. I can still feel her but it’s one way and contained.

Will continue to try this in various circumstances and see how it works.

9

It takes time I was waiting three years but finally have one it is not what you think but it is getting strong every day don’t give up any questions you can ask to tingly sensation finally had a dream last night so it takes time