I continued the darkness meditations until they had lost all appeal and no longer filled me with the dense dark energy I had come to love.
I would have periodic meetings with the entity that had been dubbed Nox and I felt compelled to learn as much as possible from it.
I created a sigil for the entity and used it to connect to the spirit, the best method Inhad found was to open the sigil and then begin the darkness meditation. Once I was in a meditative state I’d visualize the sigil and call the spirit to me internally. Several times I felt what can be best described as hands touching me and indiscernible whispers in my ear.
At this point I felt the need for peer review, I enlisted the aid of several forum members here. I sent them a copy of he sigil and asked them to give me their impressions. Out of the four magicians I contacted only 2 were willing to work with this spirit as the other two had bad vibes and wern’t sure they wanted this spirit in their presence. One of the two magicians that agreed became ill and nauseous while working with this spirit and had to stop. The other magicians experience seemed to mirror my own and confirmed that I wasn’t deluding myself.
During this time I was very intense and confrontational. I was quick to snap or blow up, and my temper was short which was unusual for me. The harder I tried to control it the more things seemed to push my buttons. I also found that at times rituals were not as necassary as more than once while in the planning phases the results would appear before conducting a ritual.
My exercises and experiments amplified during this time and I’d have intense visual and auditory experiences . During the meditations I found myself in an underground cavern with the roots and soil making the ceilings and walls that surrounded me. A face appeared in the darkness, this was not the same face I had seen before but it was familiar to me none the less. It answered my questions before I could even ask.
“I am known by many names and many faces” it told me confirming that it was the spirit I had been seeking.
" I am the darkness made manifest, I am initiation."
When I asked the spirit to explain itself it obliged and continued " The path of darkness draws the weak but is not intended for them, they seek the darkness to hide their weakness, one needs strength to walk this path or else they will get lost in the darkness." What became clear to me from working with this spirit was that the more one tried to deny or repress something the more it was pushed outward and became their reality, the darkness was about accepting ones self, all the good and all the bad. If you could not be honest with yourself and face the things you resented and feared and lusted after, the things you secretly love or hate the darkness would push them at you harder almost a case of kill or cure.
In closing the spirit explained to me “It is not my place to guide you, I am here to make you aware the path exists, there are others who will guide you down their paths.”
That was the conclusion of my working with the darkness as it said Inhad gone as far as I could and would need to seek other spirits to guide me further.
If the magician who assisted me would care to add to this he’s more than welcome as his own experiences were very intersting and complementary to my own.