I will begin doing the conjurations tonight, and i will do them for 9 nights at the witching hour. On the 10th day i will continue on by listening to the video in Section #4.
day one: i found $20 on the ground. it was in one place even though the wind was blowing and 3 people walked past it without looking at it, nobody saw it but me. the afternoon i wrote the pact. in the night i did the rite for the first time. skrying the inverted pentagram on the first night i saw many images, then it popped out and became a 3D goat’s head. then it began whirling and disappeared. middle of the night heard one man screaming in the middle of the night, cursing and looking for a fight. the cops were called. then i got into a very deep sleep.
day two: did a LITTLE conjuring on the pentagram but was very tired. i got the deepest sleep i’ve had in ages to the degree that i woke up tired, which never happens. upon waking i conjured while skrying the pentagram. it turned into an image of a woman’s legs with a pyramid in front of them. then my eyes began jumping and it’s like they were forced off of the pentagram.
day three: i couldn’t meditate no matter how hard i tried. felt like my solar plexus was locked and it was too distracting. did the full 15 minutes but only about 5 minutes of gazing and no matter how hard i tried i couldn’t concentrate. fell asleep because i was trying so hard to skry and it wasn’t happening. woke up the next day and went at it again. was a little bit easier and did the exercise.
day four: was a lot easier. did the exercise. the pentagram looked like it was on fire. i got a huge headache doing this one, and i was bored out of my mind. i did this exercise for about 45 minutes, around 30 minutes of chanting and another 15 minutes of skrying. i didn’t sleep all night and wasn’t tired at all the next day.
day five: WOOPS. i had been doing the pentagram using a photo of a red pentagram on my phone. today i took a $20 i found the day i started this working and bought a silver marker. cut out a black square from a book i have and drew the pentagram on it. did the rite and it felt like my mind was being pulled into the pentagram but kept bouncing off of the inside of my forehead. i also felt ripples and vibrations in the base of my spine, like someone was shaking my tailbone, which was really unusual. think i had a dream but don’t remember what it was about. i’m going to treat this day as day ONE for this pentagram and continue on, but day five overall. all in all with the photo and the paper sigil, i will do nine days + the four i did before and that will add up to thirteen days total. i’m going to keep the reports i had up until now and just count them in.
day six: on the way home i found ANOTHER $20 just lying on the ground. second time in a week. nothing happened during the rite, i chanted and chanted, and stared and skryed, but nothing. i felt like i did it wrong. it was just a non-event.
day seven: had a hell of a time doing the rite because of trouble breathing. put the pentagram on the trend pad of my radionic machine and let it run with the dials wide open. that charged it up so much that i had trouble looking at it for any length of time but i persisted. i felt the block on my liver and 3rd chakra and began breathing more forcefully and massaging my liver to hopefully clear it. had dreams but didn’t remember them when i woke up. at this point i’m not exactly sure what the inverted pentagram rite is supposed to do to be honest but i started it and i’m going to finish it. i am now just over halfway done the first exercise.
day eight: didn’t want to do the exercise today. more complaining into the sigil. nothing of any great import to report about it, i just sort of did the chant, looked at the sigil, and when i was done i looked at it for a bit and then turned away. there was an unbelievable level of confusion this weekend.
day nine: another day of not wanting to do the exercise. nothing of any real value to report. i feel like at this point i am treading water. the confusion of the last few days has cleared and in divinations i was told that the $20 i found was meant to be used to gamble! it was lucky money! turns out that a couple of hours after i found that money some lucky bastard won $30 mil in the local lotto. i was probably supposed to enter that thing! d’oh!!
day ten: yet another day of not wanting to do the exercise. did it anyway, and this time i did it THREE times instead of just two. the third time the people around me began complaining and getting rowdy so i think something is happening - whenever i open a real magickal portal the people around me get VERY uncomfortable and sometimes borderline violent.
i had a realization that i wish i’d had when i began doing these exercises: this meditation is actually TWO different kinds of meditation in one. chanting and skrying the pentagram is ONE-POINT meditation. silently observing the pentagram is actually ZERO-POINT meditation and i do believe it’s actually meant to be done with eyes closed as a void meditation and a visualization of the pentagram, or of the void dark of your closed eyes. one-point meditation is to set or lock into an intention and seek truth. zero-point meditation is to receive impressions. they are two different things being done in one.
day eleven: today i had an impression to go back and buy kai kermani’s book on autogenic training and reread it. it answered a LOT for me about getting into theta-gamma sync and also gave me a structured way to continue doing evocation alongside mastering evocation. the exercises in autogenic training have a couple of exercises that add to the course. i realized that all the venting that i’ve been doing the last few days is OFFLOADING. without even realizing it i was removing tension that was holding me back from doing esoteric work.
in autogenic training proper there are a half-dozen exercises for offloading tension and de-anchoring negative memories. when i am done the inverted pentagram ritual i will check to see if i have any extra tension that needs removing and i will use the autogenic offloading exercises to hopefully bring them up for removal.
good to know. it was a good day.
night was a different story. i just didn’t feel like doing the exercise AT ALL. so i did it three times instead of twice. and it was just very hard. did it before i slept. woke up in the middle of the night and did it again. and did it a third time after i got up, this time i did it standing up not sitting.
the first time i did it nothing happened. then i went to sleep and had dreams. woke up did it again, went back to sleep, was kind of in between sleeping and waking. when i woke up in the morning i felt a block in my legs and solar plexus and i realized that i have to offload a lot of tension. i understand now why i got the impression yesterday to reread my old autogenic training manuals because at has offloading and deanchoring exercises built into the system - it is the only magical system i have come across that openly explains the need for deanchoring bad memories.
did the pentagram exercise for the third time and sure enough the third time was a charm. i saw the pentagram move like i usually do (and usually ignore, because i hadn’t sen the section 3 video until today!) but this time, i saw very clearly the cloud shape ea talks about. there was a fuzzy doubling of the pentagram around it. usually i get a sharp doubling or what happens is the pentagram will disappear, and when i bring it back into shape, i’ll see a blue double of it overlaid on the actual one. but this time i saw a cloud. and the funny thing is, the cloud shape of it started out as a pentagram, but then it turned into a trapezoid. and i held that trapezoid for 10 minutes. it didn’t disappear or fade in and out, it was steady. so i think i’m making real progress with this rite now even though nothing out of the ordinary has happened to me that i can see (well, unless you count finding 2 $20 bills, re-remembering old hypnotic rites from a decade ago, and feeling your kundlini shakti vibrating hard at the base of your spine ordinary)
two more days of this and then i move onto the theta-gamma synchronization and then the transfiguration of consciousness where the rubber will hit the road.
day twelve: it hit me today that there are different kinds of confusion. mental confusion everybody already understands, holding contradictory ideas. emotional confusion i think people kind of get the jist of, which is conflicting feelings.
but physical anchors also cause physical confusion, and i think that is what has been holding me back for a long time, because the physical confusion is so debilitating that it shuts my entire mind down.
i have realized that by doing esoteric work, i am trying to deanchor conflicting memories in order to generate what chaotes call free belief. in nlp it is known as collapsing anchors.
to be honest, i know what i have to do next, it’s pretty obvious and has already been laid out for me. i have to do my autogenic training offloading exercises, and i may have to do some form of deep-tissue massage to force out the deep physical anchors. later on, i may even have to do some possession rites like the one s.jason black did in his book ‘pacts with the devil’ in order to completely remove bad anchors from his entire system for good.
it’s an important step, and one that was completely missed by every occultist i have ever come across except for dr.paul scheele and kai kermani. which lets me know they are onto something very serious in their own work even though they do not present themselves to the world as occultists per se.
i’m just feeling unsure about this step. because it is an insertion of an extra step into the evocation course. and it is a step into the dark, really. after this there’s no turning back. and there’s no knowing what comes out of the mind when it is fully opened…
deanchoring physical confusion in order to open the gates to spiritual ascent will be my next big project.
as for the pentagram rite, i had zero inclination to do it but again i made up my mind to go into it and i’m going to continue with it. a part of me feels like i’ve already been told what i need to do but i have to see if i really get this step.
funny thing happened: i completely forgot the chant. my intuition is wierd that way: when i get the answer i’ve been looking for, my mind will just shut right off. but i wrote it out cos i know how my mind works. i repeated it until i got it again, then chanted it this morning. eyes would not focus on the pentagram. i forced them to. mind would not stop babbling. i just overrode it with nonstop chanting, when it would wander i’d let it and then go right back. took 30 minutes to do a 15 minute rite but i did get every sign i think i’m supposed to get: i got the sigil flash. i got the blur, it split in two, it disappeared, the whole nine yards. then something different happened. i saw green writing on the black behind the sigil, kind of like one of the seals in the 6th book of moses, but the writing wasn’t hebrew, it was in arabic or amharic, some middle eastern language. the flash held long and was detailed enough that i could almost draw it out. i actually took up a pencil and wrote out that i saw the flash and it didn’t disappear for a good few seconds! then went back to skrying and it came back but was fuzzy. then my eyes began to close, when i opened them my trance was broken.
so i do get close to delta state from the exercise, i just have physical interference going on that i have to get rid of. now i know. finally…
tomorrow is the LAST DAY of the first exercise. then i have to work on deanchoring and offloading for a bit, and hopefully after that i get into moving states and training the theta-gamma synchronization, and then going into delta for the rapture and crossroads.
day thirteen: FINALLY. the last day. and as it turns out…i didn’t finish the exercise the way i thought i would.
i made my mind up to do the inverted pentagram exercise in the morning not at night. instead, at night i set my radionic box to broadcast a trend to astral project from the ze’al chakra (i used gv15 point) and a target as a photo of myself. i didn’t do any tranceworking to set the intention, i just set the machine up and let it run. then i forgot about it completely. i then went about doing other things.
at night i got suddenly tired and had many vivid dreams where i learned many things. upon waking i forgot most of them, i forgot that when you are in a vivid dream if you look at your hands while in the dream you will pop out into a spontaneous astral projection. but maybe i didn’t need to project. i learned a LOT and on a preverbal level, many things i’d been through in the last 9 years of my life that made no sense to me before make more sense now, it’s like my mind stitched a bunch of episodes together.
in the morning i noticed the weather was completely different. it is what i call occult weather and it’s been going on all week for me. i went to do the pentagram exercise and again for whatever reason my mind could NOT remember the conjuration. luckily for me, i had it printed out on paper so i read it and quickly memorized it again. did the rite and again the pentagram was moving, saw shadows, blurry, slight static, the whole 9. but this time there was just no feeling in it. i was like should i even continue doing this? because all the mojo is gone from it now.
i took my pendulum and asked a few questions. the pendulum basically said move on, your subconscious mind is already on to the next move.
so i stopped.
this morning upon logging on, i had the inclination to go over crowley’s work and i came across liber 49 by jack parsons (http://bit.ly/a6hX0m). in his analysis by a magister templi appendix notes he describes the lessons he learned from conjuring babalon and how she changed his life, broke him and remade him in order to clean him up for higher-level work. now i understand a lot better that sometimes events in your mundane life are there to repair things that you didn’t know were broken. the spirits will prune you in the mundane world in order to fix you up and it is painful but not nearly as painful as if you had gone in doing things your own way, leading to your own destruction.
and now i’m done the inverted pentagram exercise. it kind of went out with a whimper for me, but on a preverbal level, i learned an unbelievable amount about myself in just a week and a half.
good job i hope. looking forward to the next step