Marrow of the Earth

Interesting! And thank you :blush: when you’re projecting I imagine you’re aware of the fact that the environment is like a patchwork as you move through it… is that right? Or do you take it at face value?

If I go into a deep trance/relaxed state, void meditation and whatnot, I can achieve some phenomena like remote viewing, but it seems very tied to the physical, as everywhere I’ve viewed (that I’ve been to irl), things are placed exactly as they should be. And then I wonder, is it something intrinsic to the “plane” itself – or is it from the mind of the observer – I presume both/neither, since the two are inextricably intertwined anyway :thinking: further experimentation is needed


Depends on what I’m doing. Is it a partial projection or a full? With full projections, which I haven’t done in a LONG time, I would go straight into a non-ordinary environment. With the partial, which I figure is a halfway between full projection and remote viewing (which I also used to do). Remote viewing, for me, was definitely passive, factual.

The partial is where I get the patchwork, where it’s a mix. I’ve been working with that state and doing workings in remote areas, say, banishings, opening portals, removing defenses, etc… Pet project of mine I dabble with. Since it’s a side project, I haven’t done much with it lately, due to the MFWB workings taking priority.


Do you have a journal thread where you’ve written about your astral work? I’d be interested in reading it :smiley:

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No, I don’t. That was 20+ years ago. But I started exploring the idea that there could be something achievable between the astral projection state and the remote viewing state. Never pursued it. But there was an entry in my Shadownomicon stuff where I remotely opened a portal as an experiment with it. While I confirmed it was open with both Abaddon, I need to find a place around here I haven’t been to, open one, and then go visit it to make sure it worked. Haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Still working on the technique, but when I attempt it at this point, I look in my mind for the location and then “move” myself to it, similar to traveling astrally. Then perform the working. I’ve also been working with it to try to comfort people. WIP.


Monday, 7th December

I literally never thought I would ever speak or write the following words, but here goes: I made a graph, for fun, out of data I’ve been collecting. :exploding_head: I’ve been tracking my menstrual cycle for about 18 months, after coming off hormonal birth control about two years ago.

Given the data, the evidence is quite clear:

  1. I am shit at making graphs.
  2. My menstrual cycle has gradually synchronised with the lunar cycle. :thinking:

Of course there’s a gradual swing over time, but for the past eight months it hasn’t deviated more than three days on average (on both new moon & full moon).

Statistically speaking, it’s technically neither significant nor uncommon, but it does make me wonder if the tides of one’s own body can be harnessed for ritual purposes, so I note it here as another addition to my list for future research/trial.


I’ve been enjoying a general upswing in mood and mindset and I attribute this to my recent exploration into subliminals. So I made my own subliminal track. Can’t wait to report back with my amazing results. :sunglasses:


I’d put a servitor into hibernation. I called him up the night of Thursday December 3. I had to call his name more than thrice for him to appear, seems he was sleeping deeply. When I “touched” him, his being felt full of tangled thoughts. Unsure if this is a flaw in my design. There are thoughts he was supposed to not only change but transmute into an energy source; I don’t know if he was acting as a vessel for the original thoughts because of something I did wrong, or for some other reason. I had the idea to compress them all into a singularity, the centre point became a little blazing star which then immediately radiated out in zig-zags through his construct. I’ll see how it goes.


According to this journal I last performed a ritual on November 19th… I don’t even remember what it was, and it’s not recorded in my offline journal, and it was a DoM ritual, which means I most likely made an offering… which I’ve now forgotten entirely… :grimacing: fuck.

Last night I went ahead with a partial evocation, which was a partial success. :stuck_out_tongue: I slipped very easily into an altered state, and I had a more intense physical reaction than I’ve ever had. Normally when I work with demonic currents all the muscles in my extremities tense up; this time I didn’t notice that so much, because I was focused on how the room temperature dropped significantly in a matter of seconds, and then goosebumps erupted over my entire body, wave after wave. I think my mistake then was moving too quickly to the next part of the ritual, and the intensity lessened. But I could hear faint whispering, and sense the entity very closely, hovering on the edge of visibility, like condensed shadow.

And, I remembered to write it down in my offline journal afterwards. :roll_eyes:


Wednesday, 9th December

I remember now – I used the DoM opening ritual as an LBRP alternative, that’s it. Phew.

My order of herbs arrived (and the dried garlic flakes that I forgot I ordered alongside, which I proceeded to snack on out of the bag, because I’m a fucking goblin). They came with instructions for making tea… hehe, no. I’m reclined in bed right now smoking mugwort and skullcap. Delightful.


This morning I had another sleep paralysis event. It was largely uneventful, i.e. no OBE separation or anything, but a few interesting things I’ll note here. First, it wasn’t full paralysis, at least not for the entirety of it. I had some small capacity to move, sluggishly and with great effort, like clenching my fist or moving my hand. Second, weird time distortion… which obviously could have been me misremembering events, but I recall that I woke up and looked at my phone, saw that I had precisely 12 minutes until my alarm went off, and decided to doze until then. After I went through the events mentioned below – which if I had to guess took around 30 - 60 minutes of slipping in and out of the hypnagogic state – I roused myself, looked at my phone again, and the time hadn’t changed.

In paralysis – at one point I heard whispers and saw a presence; a tall, cloaked, horned figure stood watching me from the corner of the room. While it didn’t seem threatening, it startled me, and I didn’t recognise the energy, so I traced out a banishing pentagram (or maybe only visualised doing so), called Metatron, and blazed the entire room. Like the heavens opened up and an enormous pillar of holy light blasted everything in sight. Never done that before; very effective.

I then struggled for a bit trying to separate from my body, no success. At one point I did view the room as though I was floating above my body, but it was muddy and dim. Then, I had the same experience as last time, seeing a single white star. I moved toward it, and into it, and this time was rushed along a black tunnel with twisting, transparent purple glyphs lining every surface. At the end of the tunnel was again the white star, which I flew into and emerged from into wakefulness, at the same time hearing very distinctly the cry of an infant. :roll_eyes: It was exactly like how some Hollywood film might represent the soul’s unknown journey into birth. Cheers for that, brain.

Skull / familiar

I bought a little mink skull for my altar. I think I’m going to use it to house a servitor… assuming the existing tenant agrees. :stuck_out_tongue: That begs the question, is there protocol here? Scratch that, it feels wrong – it’d be more right to see if there is any remnant of the little one remaining. I wonder if it might even be friendly and willing to help, or act as a familiar. Strangely, I feel a certain measure of affection for said skull. If I were to have a daemon, or a Patronus, I think it would be something in the polecat family. Add this to my list of things to do. Sooner rather than later, I think.


Friday, 12th December


The mink skull – update from a few nights ago:

…I called up the little one’s spirit earlier, she(?) appeared readily. Communication isn’t 100%, on the part of my understanding at least. I said words and directed thoughts, and in return received a stream of mammalian predator consciousness like: cunning-swift-hunt-stalk-kill; mate-fat-sleek-sleep-kits-young

…I invited her to stay around, with her remains as an anchor, and offered the ambient energy from ritual as well as my attention. Got an impression of her pouncing around, winding around all the furniture and insinuating her little body into every crevice, diving into corners of the room to root out and kill stray shadows; stay-hunt-guard-watch-feast.

I’m attached. :pleading_face:And, I’d like to thank @norse900 for his advice.

The day after, I called Luna earlier to do some janitorial work and asked her to in no way interfere with the little one, who seems to be a bit territorial.

Noting that Luna feels much more… immense than the past times few times I’ve called her. :thinking: I think it might be just me. I get the sense of her kind of standing at the gateway of a great, crushing, black vortex, a starless galaxy. Maybe that’s where she sends the bad spirits. :stuck_out_tongue:

I performed a ritual earlier today with an angelic current. Smoked a bit of mugwort beforehand. Fucking wild time opening the sigil; after focusing on it so intently for around 60 seconds, I had the dizzying experience of my entire reality sliding sideways. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m used to seeing sigils flash, move, come in and out of focus, et cetera, but I’ve so far not experienced having my entire field of vision warp to one side as though I’d turned my head without moving my eyes. And the angel’s presence was odd and unexpected as well; the only way I can describe it was like… the partially unearthed bust of an enormous statue. Really, just the head, neck, and one shoulder of a giant poking up out of the floor of my room. :woman_shrugging:

Edit: Forgot to add the cards I drew before the skull binding to feel it out.

Signifier: Page of cups, three of cups

Draw: Six of cups, ace of swords, ace of wands (rx), nine of pentacles, 10 of cups, three of wands.

Overall, a very favourable draw.


Wednesday, December 16th

Feel like I’m seeing the early days of some results from the work of a few weeks/months ago, over the past few days. It was only after I stopped caring that they showed up. Actually it was less that I stopped caring and more that I reversed polarity completely: desire into distaste. Not caring is what I’m aiming for.

Monday, December 21st

My brain is feeling very optimised right now. Mood is up in general. Much easier to ignore what I don’t want and keep my attention on what I do want. I have this whole flowchart. It goes like this:

I had a thought.
⠀⠀⠀↳ Is it based on the 3D?
lol irrelevant, dismissed.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀is it something you want?
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀nice, keep going⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀lol irrelevant, dismissed.

Hopefully you’re all viewing this on desktop and not mobile or it might look pretty whack. :stuck_out_tongue:

Testing the law; minor things are now ridiculously easy to manifest – within hours. The next step, of course, is to fully integrate the realisation that nothing is “big” or “small” but thinking makes it so; however keeping in mind that for “big”, tangible results, larger than “I’m going to see X object/thing” or “someone will mention X uncommon word in conversation” or “I get free coffee”, there is some level of rearrangement required in the 3D world.

Recently realised I had seen a lot of signs about a “big” manifestation goal I set for fun a few weeks ago and then forgot about. Just gonna keep going with it and see what happens. :woman_shrugging:

Thursday, December 24th

Looking back over my dream journal from this year, I’ve seen a few recurring themes:

  • Cats – housecats, lynx, lions
  • Bodies of water
  • Being attacked by white animals - a goanna, a lion, a shark
  • Being stalked by serial killers, being in the presence of threatening men
  • Pregnancy, birth

Interestingly as well, as I look back, a few vaguely prophetic dreams involving various love interests. One that was weirdly involved in its level of detail and occurred about three or four weeks before the actual event. I didn’t connect the dots until I was re-reading my dream journal. The dream was, of course, largely symbolic but very on point.

Sleep paralysis this morning. I’m not sleeping in my usual space. The energy in the room was murky and stale. Heard growling behind me. I would think of something, and then a discarnate voice would whisper the words right back to me. Performed a very sluggish projected LBRP which made the room feel lighter. Then, the usual sleep paralysis event, a tunnel opening before me. No white star this time; perhaps because I didn’t call Metatron. The tunnel resolved into the pupil of an eye, and then the iris appeared around it. I thought it was my own eye I was looking at somehow, but it blinked as it watched me. I’ll do the LBRP again tonight before I go to sleep.

Also, I had a dream recently which indicated the successful result of a ritual… I can’t actually remember if it occurred before or after I performed said ritual. Either way, thumbs up from my subconscious :+1:

Can’t believe the year is almost over. I’m also thinking as well that in a few days, or when I have some spare time, or when I feel like it (who knows when that will be), I will take a look back at tarot readings from this year and comment on their accuracy. I’ve taken a cursory look and there’s some interesting stuff there, most notably that I had a great knack for seeing only what I wanted to see and not what the cards were telling me. :upside_down_face:

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Yours for the taking

When you ask yourself what you can do to transcend your present limitation of life, you are dwelling upon the means. God does not ask you to consider the means, but to define the end. …So don’t be concerned as to how God will fulfil the end, only know that He will. Can you believe your desire is fulfilled? Can you believe it is true? If you can, it is yours for the taking, for nothing is impossible to one who believes.

Called upon to look for the cause of creation, what are you doing losing yourself in the phenomena of life? …Every being in the world is a mask worn by God; for housed in man, is man’s imagination.

The great poet, Shelley, saw it so clearly when he said: He has awakened from the dream of life. ‘Tis we who, lost in stormy visions, keep with phantoms an unprofitable strife.

You see, the alcoholic is searching for truth. Thirsty, he finds a false spirit in the form of alcohol, while those who will not touch it - and criticise those who do - haven’t even started their search. But I have news for them. One day they, too, will know a hunger which will not be satisfied by bread. They will know a thirst so great they will make the mistake of clothing it in the form of a bottle. But because it will be a false thirst, the thirst will remain. Then they will discover the true hunger and the true thirst, which is for the hearing of the word of God.

The eternal body of man is the imagination, and that is God Himself.

“I consider the sufferings of this present time not worth comparing to the glory that has been revealed in me.” In that body you know yourself to be the real Man, and this fleshly body as nothing. You will realise that you were never male or female, but have always been God.

What are you doing?

Many times I have heard someone say: “I believe that imagining creates reality, but I once imagined something and it never came to pass.” Then I ask: "What are you doing, saying: ‘I once imagined it’ and not imagining it now? For God’s name is I Am, not I did!" Always thinking of God as someone outside of himself, man finds it difficult to keep the tense, but God is the human imagination and there is no other God.

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@norse900 have you read Psychic Warrior by David Morehouse? I read it many years ago and found it very interesting. His experiences with the military are a truly great read. It’s primarily about remote viewing for the government if I remember correctly.

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Haven’t read that yet. Thanks for letting letting me know.


Saturday, December 26th

Another OBE (kinda) last night/this morning after setting an intent for it. I’ve been reading The Phase by M. Raduga and it’s blowing my mind. I’ll likely come back and post more about it later since it’s so fascinating.

I woke up a few times and tried separating from my body, no success, so just decided to go back to sleep and try again on the next awakening. I slipped back into sleep, and then later as I crossed the threshold back into wakefulness I started cycling through separation techniques, and soon as they began working I just sat up and climbed out of my body. (No sleep paralysis at all this time.)

The details are hazy, I remember sprinting to the nearest mirror and trying to solidify the experience. However I wasn’t in the house I expected to wake up in, although its layout was familiar to my dreamself; I knew exactly where to run to. The environment solidified into a more well-rendered version of itself… So much so that I went from “Yay, I’m in the ‘phase state’!” to “Oh actually I am 100% awake in the physical world right now.” :woman_facepalming:t3:

I’d forgotten my plan of action, so this happened when I continued to run around the house inspecting the environment, and saw my parents lounging around. I attempted to walk through one of the walls, but instead only collided into it with my shoulder. That’s when my dreamself was like “Oh, I’m actually 100% awake and in the physical world.” I didn’t want my parents to question why I was up early and sprinting all over the house so I ran back to bed and climbed in, and I have no memories after that.

Of course only on reflection do I realise I was indeed conscious in the dream-state.

I’ll try again tomorrow :slight_smile:


Sunday, December 27th

GACKT – Longing

Today I finished The Phase: Shattering the Illusion of Reality by Michael Raduga. Actually, I probably powered through it too fast. I intend to go back and re-read and take notes.

Anyone who is reading this, and wants to master astral projection, OBE, or lucid dreaming: if you own any other books about this topic, literally go and throw them all in the trash immediately, and then pick up a copy of this book.

I bought it a few weeks ago and had it sitting idle in my kindle library for all this time before I decided to read it. It’s a comprehensive, straightforward approach to mastering the “phase state”, which the author defines as any state which constitutes full conscious awareness divorced from the physical self — this covers OBEs, lucid dreaming, and astral projection; all of which the author considers to be under the umbrella of the phase state.

While reading it I couldn’t help but see links between his techniques & explanations and my own experiences. And, apparently I am highly predisposed to the phase state, going by the author’s given subjective and objective measures. Nice. Looking through the lens of his paradigm at my own past experiences, I have apparently left my body previously, uncounted times, but until that episode at the end of November, it never fully resolved into a “deep phase” experience; not counting some of the spontaneous lucid dreaming episodes I’ve had over the past few years.

And looking at that first “proper” experience; I had spontaneously followed several key pieces of his advice: the technique of viewing images behind your closed eyelids and being drawn into the image; aggressively and single-mindedly straining to leave your body; “deepening” the experience immediately on separation by scrutinising and examining your immediate surroundings with all your senses.

His mention that — out of thousands of reports from people who’d achieved OBE — most people were unable to explain the feeling of separation without the words “simply” and “easily” was interesting to me as well, and I think it underscores the idea of will vs. intent, which are distinct concepts, although closely related, and very difficult to define clearly in opposition to each other.

Although the author considers himself a materialist, and scorns the notion of the occult having any crossover with the “phase” state, I am intrigued by the possible applications here and insatiably curious to learn more.

What I find most compelling is his statement that the “phase state” is nothing more than the material world, unbound from the usual constraints of our waking senses, and therefore a superposition of all possibilities. He also later states the possibility (rather, the likelihood) of the phase state being governed entirely by the subconscious mind.

Here and there he mentions programming, whether self-programming or programming objects in the phase state… “a practitioner should repeat a desired goal silently or aloud, and, if possible, should imagine experiencing the desired result” — a quote from the author, but this being essentially the two major techniques, SATS (state akin to sleep) and affirmations, of Law of Assumption / Law of Belief practifce. He also devotes a whole section to causing physiological change (mostly focused on self-healing) via the phase state. This, to me, has heavy crossover with Neville Goddard and Joseph Murphy’s LOA/LOB techniques; as do other things he has mentioned, such as the “free-floating” state for entering the phase, being akin to Goddard’s SATS.

Unlike the waking world, which appears before us in our awakened state no matter what; the phase state seems to require constant close scrutiny to uphold itself. The author also goes into detail about how non-observance of the reality of the environment is critical to change… such as closing your eyes in order to translocate, or walk through a wall, or dive through the floor, but I believe this has broader implications as well in the waking world, and closely aligns with LOA/LOB practice.

All in all, I recommend this book highly; despite the author taking a somewhat agnostic and materialistic stance on the practice, I am very interested in what application it has from an occult perspective. After all, the quote Arthur C. Clarke’s third law, “any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

…And to quote Clarke’s second law: “The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the possible.”

This, I think, will be my motto for 2021.

All this came at just the right time since I have time off from work over the holidays, which I intend to put to good use. (Actually my plans were vaguely centred around microdosing psychedelics, but I am happy to change course… or do both simultaneously.)

Part of that will be developing a plan for 2021, my extremely limited time horizon be damned, and then bury it somewhere at the back of a cupboard so I can reference it this time next year and point out where I succeeded.

So, given my proclivity for sleep paralysis; beyond inteding to do such mundane things in the “phase state” as rollerskating down a hill really fast, flying to Mars, turning into a dinosaur, etc., I think my attention should also be turned to things like: performing a ritual in the phase state; programming myself with autosuggestion, whether superliminal, placebo, intentional; and exploring the boundaries of consciousness and influence.

I find it comforting that even the media I watch these days seems to point me in the direction of loftier pursuits and higher questions. Although that’s hardly to be questioned since I’m consuming media pickily; but in this case, watching a show based on one of my childhood favourite book series… which I have actually only recently re-read… and finding in it a great deal of food for thought, not only the nature of the characters’ journeys and findings, but also them speaking aloud quotes which I hold dear to my heart: “To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders.”

And the symbology and depth behind the surface can likewise not be ignored. After becoming fascinated with an artist’s depiction of a magician, those depicted hand gestures being… not mimicked by, but synchronised with, characters in said show… which leads to me not only developing my own spin on it, and incorporating it into practice, but then finding greater meaning to it by delving into palmistry and the like. Suffice it to say I’ve never been one for gestures, nor really drawn to ceremonial magic. But the links drawn by the mage themself are ultimately the most meaningful, so I’ll go with it and see where it takes me.

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Monday, December 28th

I dreamed a scene yesterday morning that perfectly matched my intentional day-dreaming of the day before.

Wondering if there was some science to, it I went looking around for more information, and found an article written by someone who spoke of seeding intentional dreams since he was young, and how it went on to influence his life over decades; inadvertently (or perhaps deliberately, in couched terms) describing not only Goddard’s SATS technique, but also much of the theory behind Goddard’s work, using a lot of similar terms. In the same article he quotes from a book seemingly unrelated to the topic, but one that was recommended to me only a few days ago by a friend after I spoke to them about some esoteric topics.

Today I slept in and had a bunch of dreams — no OBE and no sleep paralysis; curse my cozy and restful sleeps — and then laid around in bed watching videos about Robert Munroe. The Gateway Experience document is fascinating, and I do think he was on to something, but I don’t hugely jive with his system, which seems overbloated with theory. Theory is fascinating, but what is the point if it can’t be used to structure a system of practice? Although I do, again, see a lot of crossover between his theories and Goddard’s work.

More and more synchronities. I can’t help but feel like I’m being shepherded toward, and rushed down, a rabbit hole — at great speed — in search of some discovery.

Ultimately I suppose my goal is to have a kind of metaphysical Unifying Theory of Everything; but moreso to be able to put all that theory into practice directly. There are experiments to be done, and practice to be had, but I entirely reject the notion that it should take a lifetime of study to master something, much less to put it in use at all.

Wednesday, December 30th

A lot of dreams, but again no separation, no sleep paralysis. Brief notes:

  • A crocodile wandering around the grounds of my “house”; it wasn’t threatening but I wasn’t happy about its presence. Then it uprooted the corpse of a second crocodile, a partially-eaten one, and dragged it off the property.

  • Being chased by a tiger.

I now find myself in that phase of stasis after breakthrough, in which you realise there is no fast-forwarding through the boring, tiresome, annoying, day-to-day moments of life and you simply have to get through them as best you can; and what’s more, that having some kind of intellectual or spiritual breakthrough doesn’t mean an immediate change in circumstance.

Tomorrow I’ll give some thought to what I want 2021 to look like. And this time tomorrow I will be surrounded by friends and unable to get too bogged down in my moping.


Also wanted to note down a technique for trance I’ve been working with.

  1. Get comfortable, seated or lying, then meditate until relaxed.

  2. Picture a door before you. Open the door. Beyond is nothing but blackness.

  3. Step through the door and close it behind you. You step onto a staircase in ankle-deep water, leading down into the depths.

  4. Continue down the staircase, counting each step. Feel yourself gradually submerged by the water, step by step.

  5. It took me about 23 steps to have my face underwater, and then to find I could still breathe normally. 25 steps to be completely submerged.

  6. You stand on the final stair. Take a deep breath and step off it. There is no ground beneath your feet waiting; sink into the void. Feel the water rushing past you as you sink.

I count pretty fast, but by the time I get to the count of about 20, my body is heavy, my breathing is shallow and regular, and I can feel my face doing that weird “I’m tensing unusually because I’m conversely completely relaxed and couldn’t even open my eyes if I wanted to” thing.

Have also tested combining this with mentally repeating a key phrase as I sink into the void, and then I later repeat the phrase as I simultaneously count down, which seems to trigger a quicker trance response.

Saturday, January 2nd


I have been moping, and I still feel a little mopey. Think I need to do some kind of extreme banishing/cleansing ritual because the last few days have made clear that I still have a lot of limiting beliefs and blocks to deal with. I have a feeling it might be because I’ve been listening to a bunch of subliminals, which are agitating and dredging everything up from my subconscious; my subconscious is maybe reacting to the change by grasping tightly to all those negative beliefs in fear of them being purged. If that’s the case, and it’s simply an extinction burst of negativity, I’ll just have to get through it.


Since the last time I left my body, on Boxing Day, I was heavily focused on doing so again, only to find the experience eluded me day after day (although my dream recall is getting pretty stellar). After I gave up trying to force opportunities for it to happen, what do you know, I had spontaneous sleep paralysis and was able to leave my body four or five times in one session at about 2.00 AM this morning. Which by the way is very annoying, because as it only happened after I stopped thinking about OBE, I had given no thought to what I would do once I was in that state, and having no clear purpose is a surefire way to end the experience early.

Nothing really exciting; the environment was dim and dark each time, and I didn’t put enough focus on “deepening” the experience to clear up my vision. But I did emerge in my own house this time, and I managed to get a look at myself in a mirror. Nothing exciting, but the mirror kept distorting like its surface was made of water. I was able to fly and walk through walls without a problem. I didn’t have a clear plan of action, which is probably why I didn’t get to do much; any lapse in focus seems to send me right back to my body. I did manage to summon a dog out of nowhere with just a thought, he trotted out of the darkness at the end of my driveway. So that answers one question I had about the degree of control over the environment.

Not much to say on the separation front. I was in sleep paralysis and the ringing in my ears was painfully, deafeningly loud. All I really needed to do was “phantom wiggle” one of my hands, and that would be enough to trigger sensations in my subtle body, and then I would just easily peel away, upwards and backwards, from my physical form. A curious feeling.

Interestingly, on the second attempt, I again had the experience of running through the house toward the front door, and one of my parents being there. This time it was my dad, he asked me what I was doing after I tried phasing through the closed front door, which didn’t work. I replied “Nothing,” and then immediately woke up. Makes me wonder if my subconscious brain is drawing some parallel there in terms of parental figure = authority = conscious brain, logic, and reasoning; which is disrupting my subconscious from just doing its thing unchecked. I shouldn’t have to answer to logic when I’m literally a mote of consciousness floating around untethered from my body, damn it.


Monday, January 4th, 12:56am

Just a short update of not much substance. Had a very hard time falling asleep yesterday and so was awake until around 6AM, not of my choosing. When I finally lay down to sleep I got to watch a feature length film’s worth of images projected onto the black behind my eyelids. Normally I don’t experience this, or if I do it’s for a very short time before falling asleep. Naturally I’ve forgotten most everything, except for some fun disturbing images that came up unbidden, and the vision of a girl peering through a window.

It’s weird. I have a very vivid imagination and have no trouble structuring images in my mind’s eye, but it’s different to see them playing out on the blackness of your closed eyelids, as though you’re actually viewing something in front of you.

Anyway, I dreamed of a rat that turned into a gorilla, who then had a lengthy conversation with me. Allegedly gorillas are a singularly rare dream symbol, so noting it here.

Let’s hope I can fall asleep at a reasonable hour tonight this morning :slight_smile:

(Also @Veil you big dummy the next time you’re awake at an ungodly hour at least do some rituals or something)

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Wednesday, January 6th, 12:44am

Liholesie – In the Boundless Expanses of Russia

Another small update.

More slideshows behind closed eyelids last night. Tried to direct the images instead of passively watching. When I was heavy-handed and specific in creating, trying to “draw” it line by line, the resulting image was an awkward, imperfect rendition of life. When I instead lightly focused on the generalities and concepts of the thing I wished to see, my brain conjured up a few perfectly executed creations easily.

There’s something in that for me as a lesson – or, I’m seeking profundity where none exists. :thinking: Focus lightly on what you want, and let your subconscious fill in the blanks. Don’t force the structure and stress over every last detail.

On another note, I’ve been seeing things everywhere today, out of the corner of my eye, and feeling a presence behind me. Not worrisome, just noteworthy.

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Tuesday, January 12th, 12:09 AM

MFWB opening rite – @ReyCuervo provided a pathworking for Lucifer.

Opened a protective circle à la Demons of Magick, then followed the pathworking. Stars at twilight; a meteor blazed overhead. The stars pulled me closer until I was out floating amongst them. Full moon up close; viewed the earth from space. The meteor fell and I fell with it. It plummeted into the Tasman sea. On a beach of coarse black and bone-coloured sand, a violent wave threw itself ashore. Crabs surfaced from their burrows. The crunch of footfalls passing by, emerging from the ocean; only his feet could be seen.

For my notes, I don’t think my trance state was deep enough, and my connection to him felt uncertain, although I’ve not worked with Lucifer before. I tried to see his face and had the fleeting impression of a calm-looking man of indeterminate age, with long silvery hair, neither handsome nor plain. I saw his mouth move but heard nothing and got no impressions.

When the image faded I called his name three times. Asked for him to watch over the group. I saw a group of people crowded into a circle. A meteor landed in the centre and fountained a wave of light over the group.

1:29 PM

False awakening this morning. I woke up with a nosebleed, blood dripping all over my sheets. Upon awakening for real, paralysis, except I could still slightly move some of my extremeties. Tried to separate from my body but no luck.

Had a really hard time falling asleep last night and didn’t fall asleep until maybe 4.30 or 5 am. Weird to passively witness the lapses in consciousness, and the moment your breathing shifts from manual to automatic.

Not much else to report.