I am ordained to perform weddings, handfastings, etc, and have done so since 1994. All one has to do is find the vows that they want to use, and find the person who can perform it with all the regalia that you want.
Usually yes, but in our case, the house we’re living in is mine from before. The house we’re renovating and moving to is part of my Father’s inheritance to me. I’m the one who is good at managing money. He’s more impulsive and it hurt his feelings at first but we chose not to merge bank accounts due to that fact. He better not try to leave me and take off with half of everything until he puts a lot more in the pot of “things acquired together”. And we are never having any human kids, so we don’t have to worry about that or the financial support of that.
And commitment is the most important aspect in any of the relationships, more so than legal obligations on paper, completely agreed. If people aren’t willing to honor the vows, the commitment, or the paperwork, then they shouldn’t be getting hitched at all in order to get divorced later. It might be a plague of people doing it as a milestone because they think you’re supposed to, or just want the wedding party.
No, I agree that the formal ceremony and the state or church-granted paper does symbolize commitment for many people, and I’m sure that plenty of cohabitating couples are doing so with that option of abandoning ship at the slightest inkling of distress in the back of their mind.
Personally, though, I feel that commitment can be made, felt, and lived without having to ask for permission from a government or church, or spending what usually comes out to tens of thousands of dollars on an extravagant ceremony. I’m not completely against marriage–but asides from financial reasons, like I said, I just don’t see the point.
One thing marriage offers, that simple cohabitation does not, is the right to make legal decisions for your spouse. You can live with someone for ten years, know everything about them and what they would want, but be denied the right to make such decisions by immediate family.
i think one of the main reasons gay people fought for the right for legal marriage, is that having their marriage legally recognized would give them the right to make decisions regarding things like medical care. When AIDS first hit, many partners were left out of decisions regarding medical care by the family, even though they had lived with and loved their partners for decades, and the family had disowned them.
In some places, common law marriage is recognized as such and confers some of the legal rights a full marriage does, including alimony. Right now, there is a case going on in Ontario, Canada, about a man who won $6 million in the lottery, but didn’t tell his live in girlfriend (who he had been living with for 2 years), and just suddenly packed up and moved out. She has filed legal proceedings claiming half the winnings because they had been buying tickets together as a couple regularly.
A wedding doesn’t have to cost tens of thousands of dollars if you don’t want it to…tell all your meddling expectations-having relatives to back off and do whatever you want, because half of them are going to flake out and/or judge what you put together no matter what you do. Don’t get a pro photographer, they aren’t $3k worth better than your friends with cameras. Rent a picnic shelter at a state park for $25, feed your guests sandwiches or have a potluck, and save your money for the honeymoon. Don’t let other people’s lavish debt-creating weddings make you feel like you have to match them. Those are for satisfying the bride and groom’s parents, and I say they can have those lavish weddings only if they’re willing to be the one paying for it.
generally, i dont think marriage is a good idea for men nowadays…not with the vast majority of alimony and child custody winnings going to the woman…at the current 50% divorce rate, 70% of which are filed by the wife. Even EA himself called marriage a scam, and this is coming from the guy who makes a living from promoting and honoring pacts
I’m torn on this because on the one hand I think everyone wants happily ever after and the word marriage does mean something.
But on the other hand people have become so quick to quit, and to not even honor their vows, making it legal adds to the blow. I don’t know that id trust someone to make medical decisions for me or do the right thing. And I can’t say id stay if someone turned abusive. I’ve seen alot of bad things happen.
I’m in a spirit marriage and THAT is what I could hope to have with a human. But it’s so deep and selfless I don’t think people nowadays can honestly give themselves that way.
Honestly, marriage’s big draw and benefit comes later in life…when you’re older or in the cases of legal need. In the legal case of disease or extreme old age and shared property, etc. If the love of your life is in a hospital dying, they might not let you in if you’re not family/spouse. They definitely won’t let you debate the family as to whether the person should be kept alive as long as possible and be buried or be unplugged at brain death and cremated like they wanted…and anything in your lover’s name that you built together will become the property of their next of kin if your name isn’t also on it or if you’re not married to them.
There’s also nothing to fear if you pick a partner responsibly. Marry a best friend instead of the hottie that you have nothing but lust in common with. The latter may not take their vows seriously. Also, never get married just because you accidently made a kid, don’t get married because you think you’re supposed to at your age, don’t get married just because you want the big party all about you, etc. Those are likely to get you divorced later. Also, avoid people who are “fancy” in the sense that their loyalty only goes as far as the price tag on the gifts you can buy them because they will divorce you within the first five years and want alimony.
Be safe, and try to avoid getting married till you’re 30. That’s what I did and so far, so good.