So I attribute my newfound (small) successes in magick to the fact I’m forcing myself to have a positive attitude and doing meditation and visualization. When I do this, things go my way much easier. When I’m negative or depressed, things just go to hell in a handbasket.
It’s good to hear that things are improving! There is a saying of “Fake it 'till ya Make it!” and I can attest, from personal experience, that there is weight behind it. Forcing oneself to be more positive and get into new habits and routines can be hell, especially if one has been in a negative mindset for so long.
Keep up with this for a month straight (that is the time it took for me to see permanent changes). After a while it will seem less and less forced and more habitual. However, this does not mean that there will be no more dark days. Time and time again I slipped back down into my dark slump and it’s very easy to just stay there. But keep. Getting. Back. Up! I know this sounds like self-help motivational flaptrap but we all need some of this; it’s uplifting and can do a lot for us.
Mixing this with magick will be even better. When one does magick of any sort they put their energy into the working. If you are constantly drowning in negative energy and put only that into your workings then it may come back to bite you. I am not saying this is karma or anything (Timothy has gone over this, especially in his new book) but it begins to drag you even lower into the hold you are in. I remember in the beginning months ago I fueled so much of my magick with my anger, hate, and fears. Did I get my results? Yes. Was I eventually thrown down deeper into depression and even went a little mad? You bet I did.
So, keep up the good work and update us with what you’re doing. Everyone here on the forum builds off of and learns from one another so share with us your experiences if and when you feel like it. I’m rooting for ya.
And I can’t stress enough how much alcohol wreaks havoc on my depression and anxiety. That in turn messes up my magical.
IMO alcohol is the shittiest most insidious fucking drug (for such it is, mind-altering and in NO animal model is it not addictive) ever created, yes I know early humans used entheogens but IMO the uniquely mind-altering properties of alcohol whereby it gives you a lift, and focus, when drunk, but then steadily depresses the fuck out of you with time, makes it some evil shit.
And society lies its collective ass off about it, “Oh only special people called alcoholics can ever have a problem” when like I said, you give any mammal steady amounts of drink, they’ll get addicted, anyway if you can find it, get Jason Vale’s book “Kick The Drink… Easily!” where he remorselessly dissects and deconstructs the lies that are unique to booze.
I can scan and PM you a few choice pages if you want, legit afaik to do so for review purposes, and he really knows the enemy. 
Ok, thanks :). It is very unhelpful stuff in my life.
I’ve got no problem admitting that I was a former alcoholic. Nasty shit. Took me like 8 years to realize I was a drunk and then break that habit. I had convinced myself that I could not focus or be happy without it because honestly, I just don’t like feeling sober. I like being high and feeling different but then morning comes and you’re puking everywhere, so thirsty you can never get enough water, major headaches, lethargy, ugh.
I have not had a drink since Dec. 13th 2013. And believe me, I have been offered them many times but I turn them down. I just stick to weed and a few other things and from personal experience weed is not addictive, I can smoke the shit for 3 months in a row then my hook up source moves out of state and I can’t find anyone else who smokes or sells it for like 13 months and I don’t go crazy without it. Alcohol however, you can go just 3-5 days without and feel like you wanna break apart and that feeling does not go away until you get drunk again.
For me, weed is terrible too. I get MAJORLY paranoid. I had a card for it and had access to edibles really screwed me up. I wish I could like it like so many people do. But I’d rather get my ass kicked then do that ever again.
Thats because you didnt make a proper sacrificial offering to the God of Ganja.