I’m not usually one for negativity or to deride anyone else’s spiritual or intellectual pursuits… But coming from my current frame of mind I have to point out that this is likely going to strike you has a very poor decision down the road if it has not already done so.
I’m not seeing any “insight” present in the reason for this self-mutilation. Congrats, a sub par body (Which by the way is something you could hope to fix) grotesquely scarified beyond repair (Which obviously you are now stuck with and have thus effectively dis-empowered yourself.)
Everyone involved with the occult I believe has to have the ability to disengage from any type of magical thinking just for the sake of intellectual honesty, it is vastly important to remember once in a while that we may be wrong about ALL of this shit, from our cute little buzzwords like “Source, TGS, Evocation” to Azazel, Belial, Satan or the existence of ANY primordial realm. If you can do that even occasionally than you can look at yourself in the mirror and think “Yup, I’m going to go traffic with my imaginary friends all day today, fuck the world.” while still retaining your decency has a human being with a brain knowing that you may well just be exercising forms of self-hypnosis and self help through seemingly irrational thinking. ( And of course remaining open to the possibilities that we may be RIGHT, and that we are actually incarnate divinities exactly has we have described on this site to ourselves and others countless times, experiencing as of yet unknown and untravelled realms and states of consciousness.)
I won’t pretend to have the answer, but I won’t be afraid to look at dumb shit like this and loudly state “Buddy, you sure don’t.”
Recommended Harvard reading level material for people interested in the existence and concomitant growth and relationship of magic, society, religion, and rationalism.
Magic, Science and Religion and the Scope of Rationality (Lewis Henry Morgan Lectures)
Balg is better (or maybe its really not) than some of the astoundingly stupid shit I see getting babbled about on here some times and not every post deserves support, respect, or contemplation. Some of it is just plainly stupid, worthy of Poet Maudit style derision.
If I mutilitated myself for a spirit, or in the memory of what I accomplished operating under a world view in which a certain spirit held empirical existence, you bet your ass I’d have a damn good physical manifestation to base that on like getting my Masters, seeing a relatives cancer disappear or some other worthy dedication of what the La Santisima Muerte cult would call a “skin offering.”
Perhaps it’s true that the Tao that can be named is not the Tao.
I’d encourage everyone to scrutinize long and hard about why they believe what they do, and to point out a clear red flag and manifestation of the type of thinking people like us tend to engage in going completely wrong and manifesting completely unproductively.