Lost in the dark

It is indeed a pretty helpful little book. It was one of the first books on meditation and energy work I came across that was down to earth, practical and not weighted down by religious babble and restrictions on what you can and can’t do. Plus, it mixed in martial arts and personal anecdotes which are pretty humorous.

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Ok, so last night I was able to stretch a little further and really tuck in my heel. I was able to get it pressed firmly against the perineum. But that put waaay too much tension on my knee. So I stayed in that position for no more than 5 minutes before having to stretch. Couldnt block out that pain.

So I basically just turned on some shamanic drumming to block out all other noises and just did some inner searching. I didnt really focus on anything and kinda just let my mind wonder while knocking away mundane thoughts of the grocery and whatnot.

I found I had 3 locations that I am much better at feeling energy than other locations. My hands being #1. I can always feel a heat sensation when I focus on them.
#2 my abdomen, I feel a constant swirling sensation when I focus here.
#3 is my head. It feels like snakes or worms are always crawling just under the skin. Not sure what to make of this one but yeah.

So while my brain wondered I kept focused on my breathing technique. So my favorite sensation from this is inhaling and feeling my abdomen slowly unroll back out. It’s very distracting but very enjoyable. I dont feel any closer to this breathing technique being my normal way of breathing. It still takes me a lot of focus to keep this going. I will get there tho.

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So yesterday was my D&D night so I ended up playing later than expected and went straight to sleep. I will try and make up for it today.

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Trying to decide if I wanna keep reading further ahead or stay where I am untill I get this while technique down.

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There’s no harm in reading ahead while you practice.

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So yesterday’s session was really great. I started with hitting the rowing machine followed by a shower to get nice and loose then clean. Did some warm up excercises to get the energy flowing and boy howdy did it help. I could feel with every breath that energy would shoot down to my root chakra with no blockage. It felt very refreshing to feel the sensation. I wasnt using my bati on my spine. The sensations and the ball of heat were so intense I couldn’t not notice it.

I also had this weird sensation a few times on my left side of my ribcage. It felt like my lower rib was being stroked or massaged. It only happened a few times but was so quick and brief I wasnt fast enough to localize the area.

The last real breakthrough I made was on glens breathing technique. I noticed I was hunching over and my spine would bend with my breaths. I focused more on ensuring my spine stayed fully erect. With this I feel I was able to easily flip between inhale and exhale without having any catch in my breath. I am going to work more on this untill it’s natural then add the next step in.

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So this week has been a struggle for me. Lots of things going on that are taking me attention away. I did start reading thr poetic eddas and am about 3/4 the way through and have been working through my udemy breath of life course. I am almost done with all the instructional videos and almost ready to put them into practice. My back has been aching all week and I believe that’s due to a change in my posture. I feel I’m standing taller and breathing better. Just taking a minute for my skeletal structure to get used to this I believe. Idk could just be my hookiedooks.

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I had to google this. lol

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So last nights meditation was exceptional. I could feel all these little changes I’ve been making finally coming together to make a well tuned machine.

I was able to the my correct posture with heel on perineum. The pressure was still in my knees but I was able to block it out and day by day it gets easier. I still eventually got the pins and needles in dead legs.

The visualization of my hands has had a big boost. When I looked down I could see my hands in full detail down to my wedding ring. They were encased in a white flame. Which is used to burn out any inconsistencies in my chakra during my chakra meditation for the night.

I got to my last two chakra to activate third eye and crown. Dogs started snoring really loud and wouldnt wake up. Anger got the best of me and I couldnt get a grip on it. It was worse as I kept thinking to my self this ruined a great session. That thought kept growing to a point that I couldnt focus at all. Completely ruining that great session.

Fuck

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So the last two days I havent worked on my praxis as I have been building a spot just for me.

I’ve had paving stones in a large pile. A lot larger than I believed it to be. I was orignally going to make a brick oven for pizza. I have a little work left digging out the bricks from the wild rose bushes. It’s been painful lol but it’s worth it to have my space.

I am hoping I can use it at sunset tonight.

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So I havent done anything for the last 2 days. My body has been In fuck you mode. My thighs hurt so much it’s stupid. Having a hard time even getting off my couch.

My painting supplies did show up. I made my first attempt at painting and I’m relatively happy with the outcome. I believe I could do a lot better if I painted it all white and do it again it would be a lot better. But I’m still happy with my first attempt.

Painting was sooo damn relaxing. I only bought a small kit to sew if I would like it. I ended up buying a large supply of paint and much better brushes.

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That looks great!

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Ok, so I’ve completed the meditation pad I started on friday. It took so much out of me that I have done crap for meditation since then. I have had a hard time standing up since all this. My thighs ha been on fire untill this morning. My body finally feels fully rejuvenated.

I have finished reading the poetic eddas, futhark and have started the lost book of enki. I still have heathen by asbjörn Torval and now the book of abrMelin by dehn to crack into. I try to make it through one book a week. Sometimes it takes me two but for the most part. Oh, I also got the first two of EA’s books on audiobook. Finishes the first…kingdom of flames, it didnt make sense at all but I’m gonna start the second world of darkness here soon.

Glenn Morris’s path notes are currently what I am actually working on with my praxis. So I am going to be starting this badass brain scrub, this is gonna be a tough one for me. My mind runs a million miles a minute and refuses to shit up. I’m excited to see what this brings. I have also fully completed the primer for R.Bruces mastering kundalini and energy course. I am going to read through and finish Robert’s videos but I wont start until after I get this brain scrub completed. 30 days of brain scrub incoming!

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I love Dr. Death’s Badass Brain Scrub!

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So in his book the goal is just to make it to 10 seconds? Or am I to go as far as I can in 30 days? It wasnt that clear in the book atleast to me lol.

The goal is basically to make your mind run more effectively so go as far as you can. I think at least twenty minutes is the goal, because you want to be able to focus when you start raising the energy.

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Also, anybody seen this sigil before? It’s the only thing I remember from one of my dreams a few nights ago.

I cant find anything on it but I really like it.

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Make it 20 minutes without a random thought?? Soo I’ll be done with that next year… maybe lolol.

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Well, get to 5 minutes first :joy:

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Oh I’m doing this. I’m just gonna do the 20 min a day every day till I get there. After 30 days if I feel like I’m doing well I will add in his next part.

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