Lost in the dark

I don’t see it as much different than alcohol. With either, if you’re thinking you should cut back, you probably should (speaking to myself here, too, sometimes). Obviously, there are some differences, but if you cut back and don’t feel like it’s affecting you in other ways, maybe it can stay.

Concerning the friend thing, well, that’s kinda what happens when you leave where you’re from. But in our case, with Iraq and having lived elsewhere for a while, even if you did go back there, it wouldn’t be the same.

I grew up in a small town in Indiana and once I left, I noticed that I couldn’t really reconnect with the few parts I liked. Most of the people I knew were still doing similar things as before, maybe with some kids, maybe not. I felt/feel I’ve gone too far and done too much. The couple I stay connected from there is largely because my wife’s Facebook profile.

I still don’t know what to say about the friend thing. I’m usually pretty content with my own company. And the Gods, of course.


Yeah I feel im shooting myself in the foot every day for my career.

I told myself that today im not gonna touch it untill after work. After I can get it to that without any issues or “cravings” I guess is what I should call it. After I get that working good. Im gonna try and push it back to only before bed and when I have my buddy over. Im gonna try and kick this shit in phases.

Dude no lie! That is 100% the truth. Ive cut off 3 high-school friends who still live at home with mommy and work for mommy, only have vehicles because mommy bought them for them. I was fine with them ruining their own life. But you try to tell me that im fucking my life up… get fucked! We will be moving away from here again. Just not sure how soon it will be.

I lived in Evansville Indiana for about 10 years before moving back to Missouri in 2017. I liked indiana but I thought I wanted to be close to my family… found out I was wrong lol.

Its weird. I used to be the one social butterfly to rule them all. Since moving back to Missouri all that has changed… well not moving back to Missouri but since I found magick. Maybe thats whats at the root of it all for me and why its so hard to make these changes. I feel im losing that part of myself and im not yet willing to let it go.


Im finally home from vacation and trying to unwind a little. Vegas was an absolute blast. Got to do a lot and missed out on a couple of things I really wanted to do. What was missed out on, we didn’t zip line down Freemont, also didnt get to goto the haunted museum it was closed. Got to visit the raiders stadium… meh… got to hit up the mob museum. The garden in the belagio. Gambled in the belagio, luxor, circa, aria, new York new York and the mirage. I broke even in gambling so I didn’t win big but I didn’t lose anything either. Blackjack was my jam this time.

While on this vacay I decided I was gonna take a complete hiatus on my practice. Even so far as to not gamble. Basically the closest thing I did to magic while I was there was 2 things. #1 i made an offering to the wishing well inside the luxor. Basically just gave a freebie/thank you offering to whoever was giving me my current string of luck. #2 was the amount of delicious food I shovled into my mouth. Shit had to have been magical lol.

Oh, and an update on my smoking habits. Since I’ve been home ive been doing well to keeping my smoking untill after work hours. I’ll keep pushing it back further and further till its not a thing :crossed_fingers:


Maybe I should look into some meaning for 686 lol.

So im getting the itch to end my hiatus. Its been 2 full weeks today. My conundrum being that I have nothing instantly jumping out at me on what to do. I could do something work related to bring a new company to work for in my life. Im not sure if im just wishy-washy on my current job. If im being lazy and comfortable with my current job. I know I should move but idk somethings holding me in place.

I’ve been contemplating two options for workings. Im looking into doing some pathworking or enhacing my connection with the fae.


Well, sometimes I offer to help others. Not only do I get to help solve “real world” problems (external to my personal reality), but it forces me to use what I know or research it outside the convenient book molds and scenarios.

Or ask a trusted spirit for guidance?

Welcome back.


Well, if somethings holding you in place you need to figure out what and why (it’s extremely doubtful it’s laziness).

Meantime good job on cutting back on the smoking. :+1:Keep up the good work on cutting smoking out.

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