Illuminating the Path

Holy fuck that was fast!!!

Ok so update on my first requests in my book of Agares.
1 of them has already been successfully complete… granted… idk what terminology I should use but fuck yeah Agares. One offering coming up!!

Ok so yeah some of you may have known that my company is outsourcing to India so my job was going away in sept.

Today I had a meeting with my bosses. The same ones I yelled at last week. Today they told me that another region has just picked me up to join their team. So I am now completely safe from layoffs.

So let’s be exact on what I asked for. I asked for a new job that I was happy at and paid me more than I needed to maintain my current lifestyle.
New job - :heavy_check_mark:
Happy at this job - not sure yet will update
More money than I need each month to maintain my lifestyle - :heavy_check_mark:

So this currently checks 2 of 3 checkbooks.

I will update you on if I am happy in this position.

Guys I gotta tell you, I am more happy about this book entry working than I am about the new job. Im fucking giddy right now.

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Got my offering done today.

Also added in some new requested related to this new job.

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Today was my first day on this new team. It was a very easy day so hopefully this continues. Ill make sure it does.

Today my new mirror showed up. I took the glass out of it and scrapped the backing off to paint black. I did not get all the silver coating off. Its been a pain to get off. I need to find a method to cleanly remove it. Once I can so that I’ll get the frame painted then ill figure out what if anything ill change on the frame.

You can see all kinds of remnants of the orignal reflective material.

Last nights meditation was interesting.
I had a moment where I was bringing in energy in through the nose on inhale and out through the third eye on exhale. This is a common practice of mine. This time I hear “yeah thats not what you need to do. You just need to remove your blinders”. I knew that this ment a personal blockage created by myself. I then asked how? I got an instant response. Just take them down.

As im hearing this. In front of me from everywhere I can see. A white wall appeared and started to open up like a solid garage door. From all around me all at once. Everything I could see now was like I either just put on a perfect prescription pair of glasses or someone just enabled high definition. The colors were more crisp, smells were sweeter and the air was chilled. I then started to noticed all the things that were there. There was a big cloudy face. It just kinda morphed around and spun while watching me. A hand full of multi colored balls with starts in their center. Each ball had a long white feather sticking out of it. The spun around and worked together with the other ball feather objects to created shapes and symbols connecting eachother together.
There were a few other things I saw that I didn’t get wrote down and forgotten.

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Documenting here so I can transcribe into my paper journal when home from vacay.

Had a fun dream last night that I was gifted the powers of flight in a combat zone… I was flying around tossing grenades at enemies.

I then needed to goto school and report to my teachers about my “kill count”. I couldn’t find any of my teachers but just substitutes, so I went to the principle to report in.

After that I went to find my friends on their motorcycles. They had gathered in the gymnasium. I wowed everyone with my sweet aerial abilities and began to teach them to fly

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Todays entry is going to be a little different.

Let’s talk about jobs.

I work in IT and I specialized in remote applications, so what that means is I help to develop the cloud and or bring companies into it. My current job is for hospitals, I work for one of the largest medical records company in the world. What I do for them is I manage 4 hospitals cloud based operations. So they would log into a website and have access to hundreds of applications that I have published out to them so they can access for anywhere in the world.

While I have been here I have seen people go and their job get consolidated down and put on top of another employee. You’re just expected to pick up the weight and move on with 0 compensation. Ive been doing this for 13 years now. Its always the same story, you get tasked with more work with 0 compensation.

I personally am done with it. Ive come up with a new solution. One im going to try that a lot may not agree with (please comment because I need input). I am going to pick up a second remote job where I can work from home. The kicker is im not going to quit my current job. Im good at it and if its just my current job. I can knock out most of my daily responsibilities in 2 hours of hard and focused work. Its the 20 other additional things im being asked to do.

So my plan. I will do my jobs role and thats it for job A (current job). While I start job B of which I havent found yet but am starting to look. I will focus hard on learning job B so I can turn it into the same as A. I will have about 4 hrs a day of hard head down focused work in normal days. Projects will come up for both that will take up the rest of the time or ill have a slight chill time.

But all this time I will be collecting 2 pay checks… maybe 3 depending on how it works out.

I havent worked out all the logistics of this yet and its still a work in progress. But this is a new avenue for me that I am going to pursue. I know I won’t have to worry about doing more and more and more for a possible raise or promotion. If they turn it into a thing of where im not a good employee because I won’t do that extra bit. Ill quit. That mentality is whats hurting me at this point. Always being made to feel like you don’t do enough when you already far exceed your jobs description.

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So its been a month now that I’ve been with this new team. And I feel confident enough to make a ruling on this now. I love the new job.

I know im in a bit of a slow time right now but… 2 hours a day. Thats what I feel im going to have to expend each day to stay on top of my current position. Not over worked but enough that if I wasn’t good at my job it would take me almost all day. I can get it done in 2 hrs. Now time to find another job to pay me to fill in those other 6 hrs. Lol

Total success Agares!

Also if they ask me to take on more responsibility im gonna tell them to get fucked. Im already under paid by around 40k so continue to get fucked!

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Now let’s talk about last night’s dream.

I don’t have a whole lot of context to this one as I only remember bits of it. I failed to get up and make notes when I woke up in the middle of the night from this one.

What I do know is I was in preparation for a ritual. What ritual, fuck if yall know lmk lol. So I have a common bird in one hand. Im pretty sure the bird is alive but its not moving. Im holding it with one hand and with the other I inject it with something. I then placed the bird in a bowl filled with water. There are other objects a sphere and a cube. They float on top in a swirling motion in the water. I set the bowl down and begin setting up more of the ritual ( maybe placing candles and incense burners out).

I eventually go back to the bowl. Now all I see are the sphere and cube. I place my hand in the water where nothing is at but I can feel something solid in my hand. I pull out the bird from before. Now it’s as translucent as the water itself. Indistinguishable when in the water. The bird is now some clear jell substance. Its holding form but its now a giant gummy bird.

This is all I remember now. Thought it was fun so in the journal it went.

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A lot of good things going on in my life. Depression is a minor issue currently. Could change at any time but currently its sitting in time out for being a royal dick.

My new job is perfect for my current life goals. Its a very technical position that I am over qualified for so I can knock out my daily responsibilities before lunch at 11. Ive been looking around slightly for a second income to take up the other half of my workday. Im going to start slow and once I’m comfortable in two jobs I’ll pick up a third and move on from there.

Credit cards are gone so that weight is off my shoulders. We put 3k on them last month for our trip to ozarks. My fucking credit score dropped 40pts… yeah that seems logical… someones algorithms aren’t aimed at helping people.

My wife is rocking motherhood. Our kiddo has started preschool and is loving it. Dudes going places.

Im currently making my own candleholder. I found the ones I wanted they were just a little too tall. I dislike wax splatter as I burn candles in my bedroom and have hardwood floors. So I bought these. Yes I know I didnt make real drastic changes to it. But I just like it better this short.


I still dig the shorty more. Maybe paint them all gold or I could paint them with their color association as I entend to use them to hold my nsew directional candles.

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I’ve got about 5 books on order. 3 of them I’ve been waiting on for a 2-3 weeks now. S Connolly honoring death, helios unbound, book of fate, fairies by Morgan Daimler and a book from the satanic temple. I wanted to donate a little to their cause as they fight abortion in the us. Also curious what they have to say being non theistic. Especially considering this is a book for ritual.

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Depression has been a fight since Thursday. All motivation has went poof like a puff of smoke.

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I’ve been trying to think about what changed. The main thing I can think of is my wife came clean to me about her current mental struggles and depression.

Am I possibly an empath running wild abd soaking up everyone else’s negative emotions? My wife has always been a Debbie downer in and very prone to negative emotions. I was always the opposite. What could have changed to tip the scales on my side toward negative self thoughts…

I have not read much at all about empathy except what I’ve came across here. Any recommendations are very welcome.

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Do you feel there is an energy imbalance in the house/environment from it? Maybe a banishing to help clear out negative emotions. Wouldn’t want something to get attracted to it and start to feed.

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I havent done a cleansing or banishing on the house in a good minute. I like to do it with an empty house and as of late thats been a challenge to have.

As for imbalances, I know I’ve been quicker to anger the last couple weeks and have been a moody bitch lol.

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Hehe, me, too at times, with the house stuff. It’s what made me think of it, once I noticed the stress was causing energy accumulation I didn’t care for. I’ve done the Elemental Pentagram Ritual from the Helios stuff in the hotel bathroom and expanded it to fill the space, once I’ve done the quarters.

Im not a fan of the lbrp it feels waaay too clunky to me. Ive read it a few times but never tried to put into place. Ive been trying to find myself a replacement. Soooo maybe I’ve been doing this to myself lol

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The Helios Lesser Pentagram Ritual is much less involved. Uses archangels.

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Im hoping to finish my fairies book this week then dive into helios unbound. I will definitly check that out.

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The LRP doesn’t rely on Helios, so if you want to give it a whirl, that one’s plug-n-play.

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Weee 200th post in the journal lol. Moving on.

Lately, I say lately but its more like a year maybe even 2. That i have been telling myself that I need to cut out smoking weed. Part of me likes it and part of me is disappointed in myself every time. I fully understand why I want to quit and I also fully understand why I am so hesitant. So let’s unwrap this fucking box…

I want to quit because I am noticing memory issues and laziness in myself.
I am slacking on my household responsibility and my work related responsibility (not all this is due to weed but some is so it goes on the list). I orignally started ( atleast what I told myself) to help myself sleep at night and not remember my reoccurring nightmares. This hasn’t been an issue now for 2 years almost. Two things that let me know im dreaming is finding myself back in Iraq or the ability to fly. Now when I find myself in a desert I can almost instantly turn it into a lucid dream and I just zip off to something else. I havent had a nightmare in a year. Atleast what I remember.

What I have been trying (obviously not hard enough) is to cut back my smoking. Since I work from home I usually smoke at about 10 am and keep it going untill im asleep. Now I’m not getting blown out of my head every day. I usually only smoke a few hits off the bowl ever couple hours till its bedtime
Then me and my wife smoke a bowl and go meditate before sleep.

It no longer is helpful with my anger issues. I have fixed most of that working through my previous trauma and just trying to be a better me. As I stated above, im no longer haunted by reoccurring nightmares. So why can’t I put this down so easily? IMHO the largest thing keeping me buying is who I buy from. I have a high-school friend who comes out often and hangs out and we smoke. He’s who I get mine through. So I think deep down my biggest fear would be that I would have no friends around here. Hes basically the only non family member I interact with outside of work. What if I have no friends outside of my wife and son that I live with. I am not saying he wouldn’t be my friend because I’m not smoking. I just don’t see other reasons for him to come over. I get that if he was a good friend he wouldn’t care. But what worries me is I literally have 1 irl friend ive kept up with. Its my own fault I know. When I orignally left missouri for the army I lost contact with almost everyone. I kept contact with a few of them but due to life, people moving and stupid behavior I find myself in my current situation. Rock and a hard place?

But yeah I think that is mostly what keeps me from 100% quitting. My current goal is to cut back to days he comes it and bed time smoke sesh’s with the wifie. Anyone feel free to drop thoughts.

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I don’t see it as much different than alcohol. With either, if you’re thinking you should cut back, you probably should (speaking to myself here, too, sometimes). Obviously, there are some differences, but if you cut back and don’t feel like it’s affecting you in other ways, maybe it can stay.

Concerning the friend thing, well, that’s kinda what happens when you leave where you’re from. But in our case, with Iraq and having lived elsewhere for a while, even if you did go back there, it wouldn’t be the same.

I grew up in a small town in Indiana and once I left, I noticed that I couldn’t really reconnect with the few parts I liked. Most of the people I knew were still doing similar things as before, maybe with some kids, maybe not. I felt/feel I’ve gone too far and done too much. The couple I stay connected from there is largely because my wife’s Facebook profile.

I still don’t know what to say about the friend thing. I’m usually pretty content with my own company. And the Gods, of course.

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