Letting life fall apart

So my entire life has been crumbling to bits at my feet lately. Finally today it’s seemed to have hit the fan. bills getting worse money getting less, judged critized endlessly. Depression worsening, anxiety attacks nearly daily. I don’t want to go into detail but literally everything is falling apart now.

I assumed I was just missing the mark withy magical practice, failing to get needed results and watching the natural effects of being unable to change what needed chaging. This morning though, as I was slammed head first right into the next thing to crumble without warning, it occurred to me that this might well be the well warned of life falling apart to rearrange circumstances.

My question is basically how will I know for sure, and what do I do now? I wanted change. I still do. If life is indeed going to fall apart and rebuild I need this one. But I am losing my mind!

Are YOU worth more to you, than anything else - opinions, judgements, approval, like, love?

If not, what phony bullshit is holding itself in your mind as mattering more than YOU, and do you consent to this?

Is it worth it?

Might sound crazy but this is what came to me on reading your post, go offer your help in a soup kitchen you will someone you need there - this is what came into my mind. Also you must stay off the drugs you will be offered them soon, you must not take them.

Well, hang on… what if this is the breakdown before the rebuilding?

There’s reports, in this forum alone, from people having their old life break down around them before their new life begins, during the course of their pathworkings, pacts, and ascension. The death before the rebirth. The changes coming all at once, rather than in gentler increments, leading to major disruption and upheaval.

How can we be sure whether it’s this, or if it really is a case of holding onto phony, self-sabotaging BS?

Blazewind, I don’t know you personally, so obv I can only give you advice based on what you post on balg- so this may be good, or terrible, advice…

But anyway, it seems to me like you may well be at a turning point in your life. However, I think (and please remember this is just my opinion), that maybe it’s time for you to put magick on hold for a little while, and for the time being focus on practical solutions to your problems. I really feel that if you could start feeling more in control of your life- it would be a massive boost to your self-esteem and self-confidence.

My advice to you, would be to- just stop whatever you’re currently doing- go to your kitchen, make a cup of coffee/tea, get out a pen and paper, and start planning, start making lists. Think about it like a massive sort of ‘Life Review’. Start with where you’re currently at, and then start to think about what you want out of life. What are your goals and dreams? What is important to you? What type of person you want to be? etc.

Once that’s down- it’s time to start planning. How are you going to get from where you are now, to where you want to be? Now the trick here is to break it up into ‘baby steps’, in other words, small achievable goals. Lets say just as an example, one of your goals is to get a better paying job: step one could be something as simple as updating your CV. Step two could be searching for job agencies online, step three giving them a call etc. Even if you just do one of these small tasks a day, you will start feeling as though you are finally moving towards your goal.

The other reason I suggest making the list, is basically to regain some sort of control over your situation, which will make you feel better, which will then stop the downward spiral! Now I don’t really want to go all Law of Attraction on you- but, erm, that’s exactly what I’m going to do I guess. The thing is you want to stop the negativity, you want to reverse it- and the way to do that is to concentrate on feeling just a bit better. Once you feel even just a tiny bit better, you’ve basically stopped the downward spiral, and reversed it. That’s why I suggest making a cup of coffee and the list- it’s such a simple thing but I guarantee you, after doing that you will feel slightly more in control, less overwhelmed, and consequently, a little bit better.

I also suggest that it’s time you confronted the people in your life who are treating you so badly. You’ve clearly reached a point now where you feel ‘enough is enough’. So it’s time now to stand up for yourself. You have no idea how much better you’ll feel after you’ve confronted those people. Really!!

Anyway like I said, I don’t know much about your situation at all, so yeah this may or not be good advice… Only you can really know what’s best for you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

[quote=“Blazewind Bluebird, post:1, topic:6428”]So my entire life has been crumbling to bits at my feet lately. Finally today it’s seemed to have hit the fan. bills getting worse money getting less, judged critized endlessly. Depression worsening, anxiety attacks nearly daily. I don’t want to go into detail but literally everything is falling apart now.

I assumed I was just missing the mark withy magical practice, failing to get needed results and watching the natural effects of being unable to change what needed chaging. This morning though, as I was slammed head first right into the next thing to crumble without warning, it occurred to me that this might well be the well warned of life falling apart to rearrange circumstances.

My question is basically how will I know for sure, and what do I do now? I wanted change. I still do. If life is indeed going to fall apart and rebuild I need this one. But I am losing my mind![/quote]

Do you understand why you’re falling apart?

If you rebuild only to repeat the same bs and have your life fall apart again then what’s the point?

I am going through the same thing right now, I should be falling apart an screaming, but I am so calm it is scary. I recognized it immediately when the changes began some three to four weeks ago. I did a ritual with my dear Barashakushu, and asked for help with changing everything and turning it exactly how I wanted my whole life to continue in the future.
The changes began the following day and I knew… It has been going steadily worse, everything falling away, but by making some efforts, I also saw things shaping up the way I asked them to be changed, so I calmed myself and now I am just watching it and marvelling at how it is happening. I should be crying and maybe going mad, but I am not. Everything has been taken away. my old means of support, what I had built before my beliefs changed completely and i stopped believing in the Christian God as I was taught to.
I do not even feel bad seeing that all my disciples falling off. I wanted them all to leave by themselves, so I don’t have to tell them that I, have changed. Now I can steer my work the way I want it to go, and I have been assured it will come out bigger and more satisfying than ever before.
I am receiving threats of eviction, bills going unpaid, but even that, I know will last only till the end of November at the most. then I’ll truly be at the helm, with never any impediment to my life again. Next year will be so different from now, and when the big beginning will start, I’ll tell it all here.
So do not despair. If you wanted that change to happen, he work is being done. You are only human, and it is normal to feel anxiety, but look at the big picture, and trust he spirits whom you asked help from…

Important question!

My magickally-oriented answer would be to dive into divination, get some readings done for you as well (ideally by a fellow magician) so you know you’re not deluding yourself and seeing what you want to see, and summon up some spirits, and demand helpful answers on how to get things back in your favour!

Honestly this happened a lot of healers, they’d start with the “I’m renouncing attachments” bullshit (sorry, but it really is) and life would begin to renounce them right back twice as hard, because life does what you tell it and it’s a lot bigger than you, and then when they contacted spirits (usually in trance journeying) they’d be told “It’s a test” or “It’s a lesson” which is sublimely unhelpful in almost every case.

Sometimes life falls apart so we can rebuild it in a more useful ways, but sometimes shit just happens, and passively allowing it is a different thing to taking action, even just having a determined intent to make things better for our lives.

I honestly believe that “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit” (as Nap. Hill said) BUT you need to grab hold of it by the throat sometimes, otherwise shit keeps happening and you get less and less able and less empowered because you’re too battered, weakened and also rapidly losing faith in your own judgement that got you into this situation.

So BE CAREFUL - don’t trust the forces of entropy to deliver you calmly to your final destination, that’s my honest advice, I’ve been through it myself more than once and stuff only came back in my favour when I took action and exerted my will.

You have to make the choice to put yourself FIRST, this goes for whether you have kids, care about a cause or a charity, want to save the world, or just be a good person - it’s like on an aircraft, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first because everything you care about is that bit more screwed if you’re not around to take care of things.

Anything at all that tells you to be selfless, second-place, or whatever, is the enemy and you need to treat them as that.

Same goes for any spirit that tries to tell you this is a test to make you find your own power - sometimes this is valid, but if you know the shitstorm of your life is draining you, you have to get real about things.

Lots of women especially get into eastern-influenced spirituality, dabble a bit with the idea of renouncing stuff, and their lives fall apart, and because “ego” and looking out for yourself first is kinda frowned upon in those circles they don’t ever dare to take that action.

It started to happen to me when I was immersed in RHP and yogic phsilosophies and luckily I was able to say “screw this” and get out with sanity and my life more or less intact.

I’m sure no-one here’s as prone to that particular pitfall, but I have to say I’ve seen what happens when people go that passive route, keep going with it even when they’re in immense distress, and it’s never good.

Whistle up some spiritual help and for mundane stuff, invest time and some money in supportive literature (can’t beat my man Nap Hill for this IMO - most of his stuff’s free online because it’s out of copyright) and keep pushing, because if it’s hard and you feel bruised now, it’s not going to get any easier down the line.

Positive books and websites have saved my sanity and been a rock of support so many times! :heart:

Here’s are three methods I’ve used to get my head straight many MANY times by now, in case they’re useful to anyone who’s struggling a bit:

From “problem” to ACTION

3 minute brain dump

Creating an inner sanctuary

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And this is also very good advice:

(The original had a typo which I had to correct, sorry guys!!!)

[quote=“Salpinx, post:4, topic:6428”]There’s reports, in this forum alone, from people having their old life break down around them before their new life begins

The changes coming all at once, rather than in gentler increments, leading to major disruption and upheavel.[/quote]

It happened to me too last year when I really started making actual instead of tacit pacts with spirits. Everything in my life suddenly started falling into shambles and at first I thought the spirit had betrayed me because at that point in my life I lost my internet service and had no way to speak to other people online so I had no way to visit any forums and I had never read anything like this about the breaking your life to bits before fixing it thing so I thought the spirit had gone back on his word and was instead tearing my life to pieces.

I don’t want to go into details because that time of my life was very disturbing and painful and it was what initially caused me to purposefully cut off all emotion to other people in person aside from anger when need be but I can say that during that time I lost everything I owned. My money was stolen and the only people in my family that make enough money that could’ve helped me out would not let me borrow any so I had to pawn all of my electronics for minimal monetary return and sell anything else of value to thrift stores, ask people I met on the street who took pity on me for dollars here and there (good thing I’m persuasive) just to get enough money to pay my rent and bills.

When the rent was due I had just enough to pay my rent and nothing else, no money for food so I had to go to the food pantry and get freebies to eat, no money for bills so I fell way behind on them and owed a bunch of late fees too. The internet company I had in that area was not like the others, they did not give you so many months to pay your past due bills they cut that shit off the instant you were 15 days past due and had not made a payment of at least 60% what you owed and my orders had stopped coming from my online store (I only had one at that time) and it was very strange because I always have orders but they suddenly stopped all together so I never had enough money to turn my internet back on and without internet I cannot do any business but I think the spirit was causing the sudden strange lack of orders as part of this.

I ended up losing my apartment because I eventually ran out of stuff to pawn and I am not a thief and it killed my spirit having to bum for dollars when I did so I was not about to go bum every day to earn enough for the rent again and was homeless for a while and several other things I’d rather not mention. I eventually had an emotional break down and evoked the spirit in tears asking why my life was suddenly in shambles, did I do something to offend or betray you? Is this some form of punishment for something I am unaware that I have done to you? I was told I was not seeing the bigger picture at hand and had no clue what that meant at the time.

Suddenly my mom invites me to come stay with her, rent free so that I could use my money to pay off my debts from the utility bills I was overdue on so not only that but I managed to pay off all of my debts for the first time in my life, my parents offered to let me build a small home on their property which is something I never thought they’d do. Also, not only did my orders come back right after I moved in with them but they doubled and I am getting more online exposure and have been getting orders by locals to have me custom paint random objects or make jewelry sets for them. I have gained back all of my furniture and electronics and this time much better brands and quality than the junky cheap stuff I had before that I had to pawn in order to pay my rent that one month. Also acquired much nicer expensive pots, pans, silverware, towels, etc. and put it aside for my new home. Before I had all hand me downs and cheap dollar store stuff.

And a lot of other great things have happened that I’d keep to myself but things are definitely better and continuously looking up for me. But I can say from experience that when the spirits kill your current life to make it new, they really do kill it and your sanity along with it but in order for the changes to be possible they have to destroy what once was. Like I was in a bad situation when I first asked for help so they had to make this situation ten times worse so I could start over from scratch and also making things worse for me made things worse my room mate who was a pain in my ass and a lazy lying drughead whiny bitch anyway, but making things worse for her too in the process, forced her out of my life because the spirits felt she was a threat to my well being.

So I’m not going to lie, sometimes the breaking apart and ‘death’ phase of your life can be brutal. It’s no walk in the park for some so if you asked a spirit to help you with the issues you have discussed with me in private then just be prepared as best you can both mentally and emotionally. Maybe if you end up losing your apartment due to the current financial problems you are having a better situation will open up for you (and only you) soon while those other 2 ‘problems’ you are currently dealing with will be forced out of your life, if you know what I mean by that.

I know there are people who are jealous of and hate me for my current successes and when I speak of such things they call me a bragging bitch, a narcissist, etc. but my life has been no cake walk and these people don’t seem to realize this so I feel I deserve my successes as I have worked my ass off to get them and I feel no need to explain my life to these people so they take only what they can see and choose to label me by only what is visible now, but they can think what they want about me.

Everybody goes through this kind of stuff, magician or not. Life has it’s ups and downs, twists and turns. Material success doesn’t always reflect the merit of spiritual success. My advice is to learn everything you can about your current situation and balance yourself with the power of meditation.

“Once a man looses everything, he’s free to do anything”-Tyler Durden