Knight Musings

10/11/21

I chanted my mantra for enhancing psychic powers for half an hour, and then decided to try a pathworking from the inestimable @ReyCuervo to connect to the being only known as Silence. This was unlike anything I’ve experienced before through visionary magick.

It’s a bit hard to describe, but after the last image of the pathworking faded, I found myself in a vast, open space, with a sky full of stars overhead. I was immediately struck with an almost oppressive sense of age. In the occult, words like “immortality,” “infinity,” “eternity,” etc, are thrown around like they’re common, but I don’t think anyone really understands the true meaning of the words. In that moment, I think I actually touched infinity.

There was a presence there, but it wasn’t localized. It was everywhere, and nowhere. I had the distinct feeling of being looked upon by something very, very, very, big and very, very, old. I was at a loss for words, and completely forgot why I was reaching out. I had a sense of my own insignificance, and decided I’d better leave, and maybe try again another day, so I came up out of it.

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Silence as in the court/terrace of Saturns Throne?
Or is this beyond the spheres?

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Nothing to do with Saturn, Fuego. It’s just the name given to the being because its identify is unknown.

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All of this is shared gnosis, not UPG.

Quite interesting that the first meeting has emotional effects. Remember I was euphoric the first time, like a year ago?

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Confirmed.

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20/11/21

It’s been a few since I’ve updated this journal. Work at the theatre has been keeping me busy.

My praxis lately has mostly consisted of working with my angelic mantras, along with energy work. I’ve also been including some pranayama into my work day.

I took a journey to meet the goddess thought was watching me. The encounter was short and sweet, but I still have no idea of her identity.

I found Sam cleaning himself by the Tree, and I told him we were going to meet a goddess. Sam took his usual position on my shoulder and, holding that intention in mind, together we ascended the Tree. We came out upon a rocky plain. There was a cave a short distance away, and Sam rubbed his head against my cheek. We entered the cave.

I found a lit torch along the wall, so I took it in hand and we made our way deeper. There were some bones strewn about, and even a few complete skeletons. I knelt beside one that was wearing Conquistador armour. There was something strange about it, but I couldn’t figure out what.

The cavern floor began to slope downward, and as we turned a corner, we came across a mural of some kind. The paint was faded, but it seemed to depict a tall female figure standing with arms raised, while smaller, kneeling figures crawled around her. The ground was littered with skulls.

At the end of a long corridor, there were some rough hewn stairs, so we descended. Sam was not walking ahead like he usually did, but stayed nuzzled against my neck. The stairs came out into a wide cavern, in the centre of which sat a tall figure upon a golden throne, inlaid with jewels. Around it were what appeared to be statues.

As we approached, the figure raised its head and said, in a low, seductive tone, “Welcome. I’ve been expecting you.” At the sound of the voice, the statues all turned their heads at once to look at me. It was very creepy.

Sam seemed apprehensive. He didn’t jump into the goddess’ lap, like he has before. He remained close to me. “Are the one who was watching me?” I tentatively asked, my voice echoing in the stone cavern.

The figure smiled, showing what looked to be sharpened teeth. “I am. You…interest me.” Not to be dramatic or anything, but that smile made me think of a predator sizing up a potential meal. Sam meowed softly in my ear.

The goddess smiled wider. “It seems your little friend is a bit worried. Perhaps you better run along then. We’ll meet again soon.”

I gave a small bow, and she laughed. “I like that. You show respect. Unlike some…others.”

Sam and I beat a hasty exit, and, once outside the cave, descended the Tree. Once at the bottom, I stroked Sam to soothe him, while I mused on who I it was I had just met. None of the names I thought of seemed to fit though. The symbols of a golden throne, a cave, living statues, and sharp teeth didn’t match anyone I could think of, and Sam didn’t seem to be very happy about it. I opened my eyes.

A quick note that I used a different drum track than usual for this journey. The beat was faster, and pulled me into trance quickly. I had also chanted my mantra for enhancing psychic powers for thirty minutes beforehand.

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21/11/21

Heading into a busy week. Going to be at the theatre pretty much all day, every day, for the final run up to opening night.

I’ve been squeezing in my mantras in the morning before leaving home, chanting the spiritual perfection mantra for 15-20 minutes, and following it with vibration of the Divine energy mantra. I’ve also been setting intentions for the day to help things run smoothly. When getting down into the nitty-gritty, it’s difficult to keep the mind focused on the spiritual aspect, when I’m constantly being pulled in different directions, and having to multitask, but it’s a work in progress.

I haven’t had much time for ritual lately, as I’m usually pretty exhausted when I get home, but I do sense some presences around me, watching, probably with running commentary, but I don’t have time to focus in and eavesdrop. I kind of imagine it being like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show, though.

“What’s he doing?”

“i don’t know.”

“Does he know?”

“Probably not.”

:joy: :joy:

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26/11/21

Phew! What a busy week it’s been!

I’ve been working from early morning until late evening so I haven’t been able to squeeze in much magick. I have been trying to do the mantra for spiritual perfection when I wake up, though I skipped it the last couple of days due to sleeping in and then having to dash out the door.

I’ve been carrying the tourmaline I received from @norse900 last year in my pocket for the last few days, rubbing it between my fingers on the way to and from the theatre.

After discussing my last journey with some friends, a possible name for the goddess that I visited was mentioned: Ereshkigal.

What a Sumerian goddess of the underworld would want with me, I have no idea, but it might be worth looking into.

Such have been my adventures this week.

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2/12/21

It’s been a few since I’ve posted here. I’ve been pretty busy, and have mostly only been checking into the forum for mod related stuff. I figured daily updates of nothing in particular would be a bit boring to read for anyone still following along

I’ve kept up my mantras, along with some occasional chakra and energy work. I’ve been falling asleep to some binaural tracks and have had some interesting dreams, which, of course, I fail to remember upon awakening.

The show is coming to a close this weekend so I can schedule more time to my angelic ascension work. It’s interesting to note that a reading I received from a member recently pointed to the next step in my angelic ascension being learning and understanding the spiritual place of money and material goods. As Belial told me years ago, “There is no difference between the material and the spiritual; They are one and the same.”

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7/12/21

The show has ended, so I now have time to get back into some ritual.

I gave an offering of wine to Pele, and asked her to recharge the tourmaline I was given by @norse900. I left it outside on a makeshift altar so the goddess could go about it undisturbed by whatever energies my bedroom, where I do the majority of my current work, contains. Come to think of it, I should probably do an energetic clean up sometime soon.

I’m still working with my mantras, particularly the one for spiritual perfection. I try to chant it daily, though i have sometimes missed several days in a row due to life circumstances. There are still a few mantras that I have not yet experimented with, like the Sandalphon mantra for manifesting material desires, that I may take for a drive.

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When you say show you’re talking about a play production right? I thought you had said something about working in the theatre…

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Yes, it was a play.

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21/12/21

I haven’t been up to much magically since my last entry in this journal. I’ve mainly been resting on my laurels, and just enjoying the fruits of my labour.

I’ve been meditating to some binaural tracks almost daily, though, and having some odd dreams involving sexually dominant women who may or may not be actual goddesses. Sometimes the dreams involve sword play and combat, and in at least one, dismemberment.

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30/12/21

“Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

  • Ulysses, by Alfred Lord Tennyson
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31/12/21

Last day of the year.

I performed a little ceremony to mark the end of the old and to bring in the new.

I reached out and connected to all the spirits I’ve worked with this year, and thanked them, asking for their continued guidance and protection.

The veves of Papa Legba and Damballah sit at the far end of the table. Between them is an offering of spiced rum. I told them I am now ready for their teachings.

To the left is my ancestor candle. I asked those who came before me for their continued protection and guidance in my Ascension.

On the right is the candle for the members of BALG. It is the colour of blood, and of fire. It smells of cinnamon. I asked for blessings of passion, power, joy, and desire, for everyone. I gave special thanks to EA Koetting, Timothy, and several friends whom I shall not name.

I connected to Raziel and the archangels with my awareness, and thanked them for the knowledge they have shared with me. I told them I felt our work together is not yet done, and will continue in the new year.

I reached out to Belial and Azazel, and thanked them for their patience, and let them know I will be working with them soon.

I searched out Illyanna, my Fae guide, in thanks and appreciation for her teachings. There is so much more I have to learn from her.

And I reached out to the nameless underworld goddess who visited me, and to whom I feel drawn. There is something waiting for me there, a mystery.

We are all connected. Angel and Fae. Demon and ancestor. Lwa and goddess. This new year promises to be very interesting.

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5/1/22

My dreams have been kind of strange as of late. Or perhaps, they haven’t been dreams at all. Sometimes, I seem to lie in a state between awake and asleep, and when I open my eyes come morning, I’m never sure if sleep ever came.

In these dreams, if dreams they be, there are beautiful women of power, goddesses I think, engaged in battle. There is lightning, and thunder, and the very fabric of the universe is torn and bleeding. I cannot see what it is they are fighting, i only know it is something terrible from Outside.

I stand in a lush, verdant jungle. The air is charged, humming, like there is a coming storm. Insects buzz around me, but otherwise, it is silent, as if everything is holding it’s breath. Waiting.

My mind spirals over possibilities too innumerable to count. These scenes are but snippets of something larger, a puzzle of infinite size. I don’t know what i am supposed to do, so when I open my eyes, i drown them out with the mundane, every day. It’s somehow comforting.

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12/1/22

My dreams continue to be strange, and now I am convinced they are not merely dreams, but travels. I think the binaural tracks I’ve been falling asleep to have had something to do with it. Last night, I very clearly heard a female voice speaking. I can’t remember what exactly was said, as I lost the memory as soon as I awakened, but it was so close that I thought for a moment it was my landlady standing in my room talking to me, except, of course, when I opened my eyes, there was nothing but the darkness of my room (and why would my landlady come in anyway?)

I think I’ve unlocked something. My awareness seems split between these dreams/travels, and the external world when I awake, and it now takes several minutes before my mind untangles itself. I can usually orient myself in time and space immediately upon opening my eyes, but lately I have had to lie still and wait for my mind to come back from wherever it has been before I can engage with consensual reality.

The illusion is beginning to fray.

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14/1/22

My nights continue to involve visions of blood and sexual intensity. Powerful women locked in combat, fire raining down from the sky, reality shuddering with the shock wave of every strike. Death riding upon the very air.

Where does man stand when the gods are at war, and the earth breaks beneath his feet?

These images fade more rapidly now when I wake, my mind seeking the mundane to escape. I find myself watching cartoons before bed in an attempt to fill my mind with silliness and laughter instead of blood and death, yet still the dream visions come.

I don’t know what purpose these things serve, or why I am seeing them. I am an observer within them, not a participant, but somehow I feel like I am connected to them in some way. Are they related to the mysterious underworld goddess? They don’t seem connected to my angelic work. I don’t know the answers, but that seems par for the course in my journey. The universe doesn’t like to tell me anything directly, instead preferring to poke me in the brain with a cattle prod until I stumble towards the proper direction.

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Maybe they’re all fighting over you!

:joy:

Ok, seriously though…that sounds kinda scary hope you get some answers soon and your dreams go back to normal. Good luck with it all.

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16/1/22

The dreams seem to have settled down for now. The past two nights have been uneventful, though I still wake up feeling exhausted. I think I’m going to take a break from the binaural tracks for the time being.

The death goddess is constantly playing on my mind , though, so I am going to try a blind evocation sometime this week to see if I can get a deeper contact and find out what is going on, and maybe confirm her identity.

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