I don’t want to derail your experience, but I find your post interesting so I’ve shared some thoughts. It sounds like you’ve been through some wack stuff, so maybe this can help make sense of what you experienced. Happy to hear that you made it through the depression and that your life is turning around.
How spirits appear tends to be influenced by the contents of our own imagination. If you’ve seen artwork or movie special effects of monstrous beings, that is likely to influence your perception of how spirits such as demons may appear. I’ve seen demons (and angels) appear in a wide variety of forms, and although they are often original, it is often like all the different materials I’ve observed are mashed together and then something new comes out of that.
I’ve seen demons that look kind of like Predator from Alien vs Predator, for example, ripping apart humans and shredding them into the floor, and others that are more like Roman gladiators in vibrant, ceremonial armor, energy flowing around them and with a monstrous face and horns. I’ve seen demons appear as huge beasts, like a centaur but instead of horse/human more like beetle/something I haven’t seen in any Earthly creature. I’ve seen visions of a massive, massive worm-like creature tunneling beneath the Earth’s surface, it’s cry echoing and reverberating and sending shockwaves through the earth. I’ve seen a massive sea creature, like a kraken mixed with an Asian-style dragon-creature, like the pokemon Gyarados. It may sound kind of silly when you compare it to a pokemon, but in the moment it most certainly did not feel silly at all.
There is a common misconception among magicians that spirits exist in a stable form and “live” somewhere in the astral like how we live here in the material world. The gods live on Mount Olympus, or in Valhalla, or in Heaven or Hell, or the infernal empire, or the pure land, or wherever, and engage in all sorts of dramas and such things just like humans. I believe all such myths (as in stories of spirits) are allegorical, meaning they convey meaning without being literally true accounts of things that happened in another dimension.
I believe this is because the spirits exist beyond what can be understood by the normal conceptual mind, and so they manifest themselves in forms that we can understand. Unless you know the spirit you are summoning has made itself known as an angel, you may not consider a nebulous, blobish energy mass to be an angel because it is not like the angels you see in most artwork. Even a blob of energy (it’s a bit more impressive when you see what it can do) is a form that the spirits chose to present themselves as to try to make it easier for the limited human mind to understand what is going on.
If you haven’t stopped reading by now, that is good. It has also been my experience that fictional narratives, be they in books, tv shows, movies, comics, whatever form, tend to be at least filled with synchronicities if not outright divinatory. It can feel really weird when the characters in the show you are watching go through similar things that you go through in your own life, but you get used to it and start to just enjoy it.
In my experience, myths or books or shows about spirits also tend to have a power about them. It may sound kind of ridiculous, but when I was deep in my magick with Lucifer I would watch the Netflix show on occasion and would go through similar things. People who cannot relate to the sort of personality that the Lucifer character has on the show may dismiss it, but I related a lot to the various dysfunctions and issues he had and would find myself in situations where I could learn ways of thinking and behaving that made my life better without becoming someone I am not.
The creator of the comic The Invisibles even took this a step further and used his writing as a form of chaos magick. From what I remember, he considered one of the characters to be himself, and then saw if he could manifest things in his own life by writing them into his character’s story, and it worked. His character got a girlfriend, and he got a girlfriend with very similar characteristics. His character got an illness that almost killed him, and the same happened to the author. Crazy stuff but that’s chaos magick.
Also…not to pick on you…but you can use commas…periods…the word and…instead of these…this sounds like you’re really tired…it’s kind of hard to read without falling asleep…
Also, not to pick on you, but you can use commas, periods, or the word “and” instead of these. This sounds like you’re really tired and it’s kind of hard to read without falling asleep.
