Journal of A Madman


#146

Hence the phone number


#147

I texted you :+1:


#148

My stability is being threatened by what seems to be an army of assholes. It’s like it’s me, the spirits, my close friends, and my GF vs. the world. New enemies keep showing their faces everyday, interfering with the shaky balance I have enjoyed briefly. First my relationship was going downhill. I fixed that and then my friends started to have horrible things happen to them. All the people I love the most are going through a living hell. And I’m exhausted from supporting them, protecting them, healing them, and fighting the fire. My magick is very powerful recently with manifestations occurring within days, but I don’t have time to do nightly rituals just to keep the peace. I want to be able to better things and grow. I’m grateful for the life I have created but I’m frankly frustrated and I’m beginning to think I have been cursed.


#149

I have got to say your life sounds like its continually interesting and always “exciting”. Do you by chance need a hug?


#150

If U R cursed, do any ritual of cancelling it. Certainly U know a dozen of it. And if enemies are the problem, Develop some strong relationship with some powerful warrior/protective deities. IF U want I can give U a powerful practice/sadhana for destruction of enemies but it can only be done in eclipse and that’s 3 months away.

That’s a big fucking problem in the occult specially LHP, Jealous People cursing like diarrhea.


#151

You can’t do everything. Sometimes people have their trials. This is one of them.

Unless they really are being attacked but both of our divinings pointed at nothing.


#152

Well, I’ve been avoiding this update in particular. At the beginning of this month and the end of November, my life completely fell apart. My relationship had been taking a toll along with severe health problems, leading me into a deep depression. Eventually, my girlfriend and I broke up and not on the best terms. She sort of just pushed me away until I broke up with her. That really hurt. I started to drink every night the week after the break up and I would drink until I would black out. At the end of the week Friday morning, I woke up hungover and tried to kill myself. The cops came and took me to the hospital. I got a blood test and my blood came back with a point three four blood alcohol. I should be dead but thanks to a particular spirit who possessed me when I was blacked out, I am not dead. I was released into my parent’s custody and had to leave behind the life that I made for myself. It hasn’t been easy but I believe the worst is over now and that some positivity is coming my way. I didn’t do this for pity, I don’t need pity. I did this to show you that life with magick isn’t always sunshine. It sometimes is pure anguish and hell.


#153

Evolution through chaos.


#154

Honestly with our new partnership I think we can accomplish a lot.


#155

That’s horrible, so sorry to think of you having to handle all this. We’re here for you if you ever need a rant or anything.


#156

yea, having suicidal thoughts from the age of 8. Luckily i am a fag too, so could never pulled it off.

Brother don’t forget that what ever happens to you, your external manifestation is just a manifestation of your internal state- Energy/Emotions. May be you need some cleaning and fixing. And don’t know what kind of magick you are into but the main purpose of it is to make one’s life smooth- Graceful ( And grace can come from female deities also, not only from the heavenly father ). If you are going through the Dark night of the soul every Friday then there is something which needs to be fixed, for sure.


#157

I am here if you need any help with mental health stuff or anything. You gave me some good advice once so I would happily return the favour. x