Journal of A Madman


#126

And just like that, the spirits took my love and my hate, and crafted fiery darts, throwing them at you, until you truly learn what you did to this good man. I’m glad I’m not you, or like you.


#127

Well this summer has certainly been a roller coaster of emotion. I’ve been confronted with my demons, face to face. Not the awesome and cool demons we so often work alongside on this crooked path, but the parts within me that have been preventing me from finding happiness and abundance. Since about a month ago, I’ve been manifesting left and right. I was giddy, jumping up and down, saying to myself “Magni, you’ve finally made it, old boy!” But, that’s not how ascension, or life, work. A little wrench was thrown into my plans. Now my financial situation, is pretty stable. But my emotional situation, is well, turbulent to say the least. I’ve made some friends who share my occult interests which has been amazing and very affirming, one of these friends being a pretty young witch who I took out on the town last week. We’ve been talking since and my feelings for her have become razors stripping away my leather skin and revealing my insecurities to me. She lost her phone and communication has slowed and its begun to worry me, but I have people in my life who have predicted her coming into my reality before she even did. I’m just feeling really naked and vulnerable until the pendulum swings back my way.


#128

Well folks, my current state is one of stability and yet, furious creative ecstasy. Basically, I’m Wöding. I’m reconstructing a system of Norse necromancy and it’s been such an interesting and surprising journey. The Norse system is complex enough to occupy years of work in reconstruction and innovation, but alas, I am but a feeble mortal man (who smokes like a train, drinks like a fish, and fucks like a rabbit). The situation with the pretty young witch is starting to straighten itself out tips hat to a small crowd of demons and goddesses. I’ve also created some really cool runic talismans that I’ll probably make a post about to flex on all you mages. Hopefully this time next year I’ll have my book in rotation and in some of your hands, but if the writing process is still going at a snail’s pace, that will probably end up being a pipe dream.


#129

So the situation with the young witch has deteriorated. Apparently, she led me on, even admitting so. But she is already feeling the effects of doing me dirty as her car had two flat tires and got broken into yesterday (I was out of state lol). I suspect things are only going to get worse for her. Ah well, shouldn’t have fucked with someone with friends in high (and low) places. I went to my college orientation and it’s honestly an amazing place. The professors and staff were friendly and nice, the women were beautiful and down to earth, and I spotted a few mages here and there. The place is live is full of religious zealots, stuck up females (and males), racist rednecks, and crackheads. During a conversation with Legba last night, I got the impression and metaphor that I was as the Israelites, being led out of Babylon and to the Promised Land, all by the hands of the Lwa. I’m immensely excited, nervous, and thrilled for what awaits me in college.


#130

College has been one wild ride to say the least. From taking my first class, to getting so fucked up (pot and booze) that I literally felt like I was floating. I’m slowly but surely getting my shit together. I’ve been with a cute little emo chick for awhile but things are a bit rocky at the moment so who knows where that’s going. Wish for the best, prepare for the worst as they say. I’ve been avoiding the distraction of BALG because I thought I needed to focus on school but I’m slowly realizing how important an outlet and community this forum has been for me. So apologies for dropping off the face of the Earth. Looking forward to interacting with you all again! Hope everything has been progressing smoothly for you as well :+1:


#131

So things with my girlfriend have gotten better. It’s been awhile since I’ve been in a committed relationship so it’s been difficult adjusting to the natural highs and lows. My magickal work has been manifesting like mad so I suppose there are two things to be grateful for. I’m working on my Norse book again, trying to rebuild the Ulfhednar tradition as a mystery school for the modern age. However, research isn’t even close to being finished and I’d like to publish something smaller to dip my toe in the water before the massive undertaking of a book. An article? A chapter? Maybe the next anthology would be a good place to publish something. I have something in mind.

My classes are going very well and I’m surrounded by interesting people. My only complaint is that the only witches/mages I’ve met here are white lighters minus this dude I met at a party and my GF who’s interested in the Goetia. I’ve met a Slavic pagan from Serbia and that’s been an interesting friendship. He wants to help me in my research and learn to work the runes. I’ve taught a few Native American girls to read the runes and they picked it up incredibly fast, I’m a proud teacher.


#132

Of course they did :nail_care: :wink:


#133

It’s honestly amazing how accurate their Rune readings are. They are on par with mine and I’ve been reading runes for almost three years now.


#134

That’s awesome :slight_smile: I’m sure having you as their teacher helped catapult their results versus if they had just picked up runes on their own.


#135

Thank you so much! But their understanding of the runes is nigh intuitive. They should be proud!


#136

Today is my day of birth, so I suppose I want to reflect on my lessons and trials from this past year and the man I’ve become. This year has been a roller coaster all the way through, with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I buried one of the kindest human beings that I’ve ever met and had my first real experience with grief. I left the place I’ve lived for nine years and learned what it’s like to live on my own. I’ve been constantly surprised and in awe of how kind some people are (and how cruel and deceptive other people are). I learned what it means to wake up next to someone and be truly happy that they are there, and that I haven’t really loved until this year. I learned that love isn’t just some Instagram tag but something real that we all can experience. I learned that love is selfless, forgiving, beautiful, and moving. I learned that taking pictures with people you care about is important, because one day, that might be all you have left of them. I learned that self growth along with the people in your life are the most important things.

I finally started seeing consistent manifestation with my spells and rituals and I finally got down how to tweak them so they work. I delved deep into some currents and got burned a few times but made it out okay. I learned that we all have animals within us, and that all we must do is let them out. I also learned the true potential of magick, how quick it can manifest, and how awesome (or devastating) its manifestation can be. I learned that for a magician, your relationship with the spirits is one of the most important things in your life. I finally got to give necromancy the attention that I wanted, and even saw results from it! I learned how to craft my own talismans out of bone, stone, wood, and clay and that the talismans created and charged by yourself are the most effective (and satisfying). I learned that with magick anything is possible, and if you are stuck in an awful situation, magick can truly help you make heaven on Earth for you!


#137

Happy Birthday Bro! Im happy to read of your spiritual growth, may you continue to harvest providence on Earth!
No joke about the animal spirits in and with us. We humans were born into domestication much like our pets, often neglecting the humanimal we actually are.


#138

Thank you my friend! And may you cultivate divine power! I’m a firm believer that as humans we have become TOO domesticated. Myself included in that. I’ve been working with Norse totemic magick and berserker rage and it’s been making me a much stronger person. I don’t let people fuck me over or get away with shit anymore.


#139

That is badass! I keep the Norse pantheon very close to my heart. Cheers to Tyr on this day! I really believe that Nordic spirituality was so deeply engrained in the flesh of spirit that it centered much of its beliefs from instinct itself. The Ancestors of the North were a marvel as far as the humanimal goes, just to walk with those spirits can be very grounding. They definitely are “in the moment” type of spirits.
The Berzerker rage is something to behold, very powerful and very humbling, to both the self and any adversary of the self. Just dont destroy with your feet what you have built with your hands :wink: But definitely don’t take shit from people, one thing I always remind myself is it doesn’t cost a thing to be nice, but alternately one who doesn’t live up to mutual respect will have caused a debt.


#140

Absolutely! The most precious treasures.

Happiest of birthdays Boujee Voodoo! May this year be even more fulfilling & prosperous for you :clinking_glasses:


#141

@PaterOctavius888 Cheers to Tyr! Hail the Selfless One! I’ve learned that no matter where I go, Norse magick will always be my home. It just clicks with me in a way that few other systems do. It also goes together with Tantric Magick like jelly and jam! And I completely agree, the beliefs and philosophies were so ingrained in the Norse that it was almost not even a religion to them but daily life. Kind of takes away the dogma that way. The Norse ancestors are definitely in the moment spirits. And they’ll expect that from you too!

The Berzerk Rage is an absolute magickal powerhouse. But it sure does require a lot of energy. Holding the Rage for any extended period of time is hard as hell in my experience. And I couldn’t agree more! I’m the nicest guy you’ll meet. Hell, I’ll give you the shirt off my back. But if you screw me over or stand in my way, I won’t leave it up to Karma. I’ll give my enemies everything I’ve got and then some.

@Sedagive It’s a lesson that can only be learned the hard way, sadly. And thank you! So glad you joined BALG :grin:


#142

Happy birthday. I need to speak with you privately about something…


#143

Feel free to Kik me. I’m not busy at the moment!


#144

Oh may this birthday adds a brand new glow in your magickal aura…


#145

I no longer have Kik, due to chaotic changes discussed previously.

When I say I was kicked out, I meant I originally left with nothing.