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Tried so hard to do a baneful ritual but couldn’t pull it off. How to get rid of this inner fag in me !!! @Lady_Eva H.E.L.P !!!
Trust your gut, if you feel it’s wrong for you don’t do it. 
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So, ‘‘How does it feel?’’
All the spirits, All the Gods, Each and every fragment of U, Each and every ‘YOU’ that is out there; all feels like something. Has a certain sensation.
Feelings, Hah. May be existence isn’t that complicated.
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So does a Car fart? I would say yes. Constantly!
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I Think I spoke just 4 or 5 sentences in this whole week. Wasn’t a bad week. Even my image in the villagers/shop owner’s eyes have changed thinking me to be some Super Serious Monk/Professor type person.
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Thinking of starting writing again. The urge hasn’t completely faded away. Being a bit sensitive, at least sensitive to life, isn’t that bad. Lol, should start ‘Feeling’ again and may be this is my official announcement.
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If fabric of Time-Space is like one shell and there is another shell of Time-space encapsulating it, like Russian doll, then what CAN be between them which is not Time-Space???
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The Gap between a good event/thing and a bad event/thing have come down drastically. Almost on a daily basis. If something good happens in the morning, something undesirable/unpleasant is bound to happen within that night. STRANGE
Wish had someone to ask for Guidance, clarifying what’s going on. Oh, Remember I don’t have any fucking GURU or guide. Gotta figure out everything by myself as always. If I ever hit the jackpot will at least have the Pride of being a self-made man. Oh, wait ! You can’t have any pride-Ego in an Enlightened state !!!
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Found out One main reason why one’s endeavor doesn’t turn into success is that If it is made known to others They will subconsciously start to pray for your failure, without even knowing they are doing it. That’s why one’s spiritual attainment or even some new venture should be kept secret from Others, even Really close-loved one’s may start to pray for your failure out of insecurity that you may become some big shot, out of their reach.
HUMANS ARE TRULY DISGUSTING.
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It is working, Now even within 24-48 hours it materializes. But have to see if I can maintain continuity and if improbable things can be manifested or not?
Goal now is 4 hours of perfect Imagination using all the five senses without even a single distraction/thought/break. Surely attainable within a single life time.
How much energy work do I need to go Super Saiyan !!! Till that happens let me practice on my Scream first.
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Thought If U went through hell you will be compensated by life later. ‘’ Law of rhythm compensates ‘’, ‘’ No pain No gain ‘’, ‘’ That which does not kill you makes you stronger ‘’ etc.
Now all those sentiment-sayings appears to be nothing but bullshit.
When was the last person who went through hell in childhood became man of the century? Conquered the world, conquered his field ! . True Hell - very few can imagine. Seems like all those wise-men who wrote those sayings didn’t have any idea what real pain-suffering is. Some scars doesn’t completely go away doesn’t matter how much meditation-healing is done, a slight stain always remain. Just to heal them, become functional takes enormous effort and leading a normal-middle class life itself is same as climbing the Himalaya.
Don’t regret giving up that job, couldn’t have hold it anyway suppressing few dozen mental illness - barely functioning as a normal human. Now can’t even go down as talking over 6-8 sentences causes suffocation. Hope everything stops.
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Became cleared about a concept called ’ Avarana Puja’/ Worship of layers/coverings of different deities in Tantra-occult of Indian/Tibetan Origin. In my opinion it is the crown jewel of the occult tradition of Indian Sub-continent. IT means that all deities and their secrets stay under different layers-covering and after proper ritual one will know the real secrets of that entity —
Their History, Their power, To which current they belong, What kind of spiritual practices they do, Which ritual of them will give us what kind of benefit, How do they fit in the larger Eco-system of Existence and also in our human world, Their relationship with deity of same archetype but from different pantheon ETC.
Few Encyclopedias can be written about any below average deity. And all beings starting from entities wayyyyy above YHWH to entities of flesh and blood like jesus-Hanuman are also veiled under this Avarana - Coverings. Now i understand that getting right info-knowledge about Gods isn’t that easy.
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Got to know about some serious LHP Aghora practices. Still gives me chills through my spine. If you thinks offering human or babies as sacrifice is the leftest thing in the spectrum then wait till you know about offering of pain- suffering, tears, agony !!! The first step in this practice is becoming like those hollywood psycho movie characters who has sex slaves, ‘‘experiment subjects’’ locked in their basement for decades. MAN IT GETS DARK.
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All my memories of last 24-26 years can be packed into an hour maximum.Not to say most are blurry already ( Don’t know if this is only me or same for almost all ) Strange that all my identity ’ Who am I ’ is based on this. Memories aren’t trust worthy also ! Who knows if this continues I may even get a chance to chose a different past. A simple script and deep rooted visualization can for sure do the job.
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Shouldn’t have taken the state of ‘Thoughtlessness’ lightly. Everything can be gotten from it, EVERYTHING.
Went for a dental check up today but by mistake got into the Piles check up clinic just next to it.
The Doctor told me to lie down face downwards and started to put flash light into my asshole. I got scared and told him ‘’ what the Fuck !!! You want to fix my root canal through such a long passage !!! ‘’
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