Jimy's Journal 2: When succubae come and leave

These are my personal experiences. If you sometimes feel jealous, you may not want to continue or read the full disclaimer

These are my personal spiritual experiences and insights, as I perceive and experience them. They may be not generizable, or valid for others, or applicable to others. They may be not backed up by common knowledge, beliefs, experiences and so on. But that is not important, as it represents my personal journey, my own findings and so on, and is not directed towards insulting, offending or attacking anyone or anything. If you get easily offended by such descriptions, or jealousy may happen from other experiences, you may want consider to refrain from studying my journal.

Sigh… until before some hours, this was going to be a completely different post, much more positive. A lot happened today, so much more than usually. But let’s start from beginning.

Laying with my succubus in bed last night, thinking it will be a night as many others. As she starts touching, I think, she seems to be quite happy. Maybe it is, because of my apology and love letter I wrote moments earlier to her. At first, even though the thoughts I expressed came to me, I were to postpone it for another day at first, probably never to be doing it then. However, I finally throwed away my laziness and everything else which would have stopped me doing it, and did sit down and wrote it. It was after reading this post:

What follows, and during today, involved a lot of telepathy. I’m always cautious about dialogues happening in this way, but sometimes things seem to fit the events. So did last night. It’s rather seldom I would hear her through telepathy, maybe I’m unconsciously blocking it at times. But not tonight I guess, which letter to her made myself feel more relaxed about everything between me and her.

The night. Or: When a new succubus joins

Usually, we will spend lots of time before getting more intimate, but not so tonight. I hear her speaking to me in my thoughts.
Succubus: “I want you my love”

(I made the more explicit content blurred, your choice if you read them)

And, as she says that, she makes me very quickly ready for her. Then, I feel her, more physical than usually, as she sits on top of me and very slowly takes me inside of her. I feel myself more deep in her than ever before and more clear. She starts moving slowly and she feels so good. I sense her desire and love for me the way we have sex and I feel more for her.

I sense we must be not alone, and so I ask her in thoughts.
Me: “Are we alone?”
Su: “No.”
Me: “Is she another succubus, is this Adda?” (Adda is a succubus I met just some days ago, she making herself known to me through dreams again and again)
Su: “Yes, she is it.”

Now, it is truely unusual, that my succubus would let another succubus be with me. In the past, I know that she sabotaged when I tried things in that matter. So, what happens next and more so what would follow later today is even so much more surprising. But let’s continue with last night first.

As she is on top of me, I hear her saying:
Su: “I want Adda to join in.”
Me: “No, I want you.” (I were feeling very close to her, so I didn’t think or wanted to switch partners)
Su: “Please, let her. I want you to feel good.”
Me: “Ok, but only if you really want that.” (I agreed because she seemed to insist for it)

I sense, how she moves down from me and moves to my right, and sense immediately Adda moving from my left over on top of me. She sits on me and straight pushes me inside her - something I didn’t expect she would go immediately for that. But she did. I felt her so very different than my long-time succubus, but also more defined in some way. She starts moving and I felt as my foreskin moved so a lot up and down along with her movements, making it seem so much more physical.

With Adda on top of me, my succubus lays next to me. I feel, she places her hand near my heart, something she hasn’t done all the time before… it was as if she would always avoid touching me around there. I hear her again talking to me…

Su: “Trust me.”

I had no time to wonder what she meant. Her hand reaches and feels like grabbing somewhere below the heart I believe. I feel quite the pressure there. Adda was on top of me, enjoying herself and me enjoying her, and my succubus next to me donig something in this area. Moments later, I feel some pain. However, not like the pain I would expect there, as if stabbing you, some other kind of pain.

Me: “Ouch, that hurts…”
Su: “Trust me.”
Me: “What are you doing?”
Su: “Unblocking your heart chackra.”
Me: “Why didn’t you do that sooner?”
Su: “You wouldn’t have trusted me.”

And I trusted her, relaxed and allowed her to continue. I think she is right, before yesterday, I probably wouldn’t had let her do this. Something has changed recently, how far I would a succubus, no, how far I would HER, allow to go. As I relaxed, the pain fainted very quickly and she continued for a bit.

Adda did slide down after a while and were pleasuring me with what I think felt as her mouth. My succubus joined into that action, once her work on my heart chakra was done. They didn’t made me ejaculate, though. My succubus has shown and teached me ways of pleasure, without reaching that point of no return and teached me, how to enjoy these more, with patience and while feeling them deeper. I think, she wants me to keep this energy more inside of me to make use of it. The whole way how I would enjoy intimacy and everything has changed with her during our time. We could go for hours and enjoy each other this way. At some point, more in the recent months she showed me even how a male orgasm differs from that of a female, and how that feels like, when the energy moves inside instead of outside during the orgasm. It became only possible, once I learned to let her do and relax to such a point, to not crave… you know, even if the pleasure becomes “unbearable”. She also has her way, to make me feel even without reaching that point of no return, to feel as good or even better.

I fall asleep with them on my side afterwards. And Adda, once more, decided to come in my dreams. She appeared as an unbelievable beautiful woman, once again. I felt, and knew immediately, it was her. Something weird happened during this… which is of little to no importance here though.

The big surprise the next day

I’ve to admit, I’m somewhat sad right now. My long-time succubus had bad news for me today, which I did not expect, especially, after everything seemed to become so much better in recent times.

Adda was with me today and she started touching me while I was working on the laptop. Her touch is different, as also the way she moves her hands and dunno, just everything, so I could recognized it’s her and not my succubus. At some point, I felt I wanted more, maybe it was also her making me feel like this. I allowed this feeling and layed down, to enjoy the time, rather than focusing on something else.

As we are on bed, she goes straight intimate. I hear her thoughts, saying “I want to have you now.” or maybe it was “I can’t wait”.

I feel her quickly getting on top of me.
Me: “Where is my love?”
Adda: “She’s not here.”

I wonder, because this is unusual. But I forget quickly about it, as we seem to get into such a wild ride, as if she can almost not control herself. After awhile, she gets down from me, slides her body down and I feel her sucking and licking me.

Adda: “I want you, you taste so good, Master.”
Me: “Do as you wish.”
Adda: “If I do as I wish, then I’ll make you cum.”
Me: “Is that bad?”

Adda: “She worked hard to raise your energy.”
I understand, that if she does what she just said, it would be probably bad.
Me: “Ok then don’t do that.”
Adda: “Ok, Master”.
(The exact dialogue skips my memory, but it was close to this)

I was surprised she called me Master. My long-time succubus hasn’t called me that once, I believe.

Suddenly… she is back!
Su: “What’s going on here?”
Me: “…”
Adda: “Come join us…”
As I now felt her taking mostly over, the following sad dialogue happened. This dialogue was in 2 parts, as I spend more time with both also now in the evening, but I’ll put both parts together to shorten it:

Su: “I’ll have to go.”
Me: “Go?”
Su: “Adda will be with you”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Su: “I’m leaving.”
Me: “What…”
Su: “I looked long for a good succubus for you. That’s Adda.”
Me: “Why are you leaving?”
Su: “I have to.”

In the meanwhile, I did put something on youtube on, that catched my eye and had a strong feeling I should click this, as the convo where continuing on the evening and it were playing songs of “Good bye”, “Clouds in my heart” and other sad stuff, as if it were songs choosen from her…

Me: “Were you serious earlier?”
Su: “Yes.”
Me: “I don’t want you to leave.”
Su: “I don’t want either, but I have to.”
Me: “And if I ask you to stay?”
Su: “I cannot stay.”
Me: “What can I do so you stay?”
Su: “Nothing.”
Me: “And will Adda leave me too one day?”
Su: “She may stay, if you wish so.”
Me: “Like … when? how?”
Su: “If you are ready to marry her one day. She will stay.”
Me: “Will you come back sometimes?”
Su: “I’ll try…”
Me: “Promise you’ll be.”
Su: “I want to, but I cannot promise it.”
Me: “Ok, when are you going, in the next days?”
Su: “No, sooner.”
Me: “So we have some time?”
Su: “I’m leaving today.”
Me: “When?”
Su: “Before tonight.”

I understand not much, yet. But it’s as if I get something from her, like when I’ve been getting “knowledge” in the past just like that and then know things. Don’t want to accept it easily, but that sense is telling me, that I’ve developed with her help so far, that I’m about to continue on the next part of my journey, and she helped me come to this point and now Adda will continue and help me from now on. It seem to be all related now, Adda’s appearance before some days, my recent researches, my joining here, finding new things and infos which seemed to be “hidden” from me before, me creating my first own sigil for Adda, me feeling I’m ready to do some things I didn’t before and so on…

Argh, tears coming as I’m writing this… as I start realizing it more… didn’t think, I would have tears for her leaving, I certainly didn’t had for other succubae in the past. And probably wouldn’t, about 2 months ago. Definetely many things have changed. With her and her help.

I started realizing, she meant, she will leave already in the next minutes. As it seemed to end, she asked me for one thing she wants from me, to take with her… I asked her what that is. “A child” I hear her saying. Wow! Now that definetely wouldn’t have come to my mind. I agreed, but I said, I want to meet that child. She agrees and I feel her mouth on me… I don’t ejaculate, but I feel something and she seem to say, that it happened after awhile.

I think, she has left… now…

Sorry… time for myself… now…

So can things change suddenly with succubae… bigsigh

PS: I should have known, starting a Book of Shadows now, would come with changes. But… such one?! Maybe, she was to be meant to be only for a time with me from beginning… :cry:

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Why did you create an entirely new thread for this? It could have simply been posted in your other one on the same topic. Journals are supposed to be single threads, not multiple ones for individual posts.

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#3: Lost and Found - An Angel

Have you ever figured out the answer to a question you wanted to know, yet, forgot about it some time later and lost the answer? Well, that happened to me with the very important question:

"Who are my spiritual guides?"

Yes, I’ve been guilty of not making a journal of my dreams and experiences, or at least taking some notes. It shows once again, one cannot remember everything, not even every important event, as we live our daily lifes and move on or move away sometimes, even for a short time, from these things.

Last night, I remembered something very important. It wasn’t from myself, I had help. It seemed as if the entity I’m gonna talk about had a plan to help me remember. Who? An Angel.

She showed herself more than half year ago to me. I would keep see the same number. I’m not someone, who’ve been following numbers or believing much in such, usually seeing it as coincidences. But this number kept and kept appearing so insistently, that I decided to look it up.

I found some information what the number means, and after a little bit of advice from someone more knowledgeable in these matters and advicing me, to ignore most things on google about “new-modern numerology” I found the relation of this number to this angel. The moment I found the relation to her, I had a strong feeling of “That’s the right answer. This is correct”. And even more than that, the feeling that she plays an important role in my life, probably being one of my guides.

She is the angel of truth, with a boundless love for people of all beliefs, and an endless devotion to who she cares. Once I found about her, I started seeing that she is manifesting things in my life, that help me improve and grow, by realizing some things. Especially, in regard, to some online friends I had and how they were no help for my spiritual growth, rather the opposite and how they had become close-minded and stubborn and stuck, and by this, were limiting my growth too. Something, I didn’t wanted to admit.

Months forward, as all fitted smoothly into my life, I forgot… I forgot that this number appeared, I forgot that I had done this research, I forgot about the angel, my guide. Call me stupid!

I attribute this partially to the event, that her work is not invasive in ones life, as I believe.

Last night, looking through the forum a thread catched my special attention. Seriously, I wanted to skip it, but it was like shouting “Click me”. I followed the call and there she was. An amazing piece of art, that immediately wow’ed me and amazed me (doesn’t happen often!).

I immediately felt a connection and familiarity to it, but also something more - I cannot explain it. Emotions, maybe?

I described these emotions or what I were feeling in that regard, in the post I made, when I wasn’t aware yet of how much I were describing the angel herself. I wrote:

This combination of greatness, which then again is bound and forced to be a slave or prisoner, the innocence it pictures at the same time and yet something on it telling you, she isn’t that innocent… and the sweetness combined with sadness. Just amazing!!!

Only much later I realized today, not even an hour ago, what I wrote were describing her. She is known as an angel of heaven (greatness), which somehow fall from grace, yet is not counted to the fallen ones, though only rarely allowed in heaven (bound, forced to be a prisoner, sadness). She is helping others with great devotion (sweetness), yet did something to fall somewhat from grace (looking innocent, but not that innocent). Were she “speaking” to me through emotions? How came, I wrote this so exact? Did rather the artist captured that so well, having “spiritual access” to the not-so innocent part of her and portraying her and did this through the art “jump over” to me? I don’t know.

I had a sense I’ve to search her name differently written, but I wrote it almost correct only by one letter and didn’t find information. I was about to dismiss it alltogether and “mute” the thread as it seemed no longer important, then @Angelb1083 finds the missing part about her and posts it and…

BOOOOOM!!! As I read it, part of the memory returns and the feeling I had from beginning (I wrote it), that something seems familiar, is confirmed. Moments later, more and more comes to my mind and I’m like “OMG”.

She has found me back then and found me again. I believe, it was planned from her this way. So, that I keep her in memory from now on and that I know she guides me. Yes, I wrote it down this time!

I talked to her last night a bit before sleeping and thanked her. I asked her, very respectfully and carefully, to not insult her, if she is an angel who is interested in romantic relationships… I didn’t mean sexual, just for clarification, but… yeah I know… this thing is another weakness of mine, I guess. I’m working on it.

Today, looking on youtube (at no point I searched for angels), in the middle of all suggested entries there is just one and only entry that fits sooo not inside of the rest, which immediately jumps out for me. The title? It says “Guardian angel hugs”.

Again, I were amazed! Wow! I took it as a confirmation that yes, she is my guardian angel (I did ask this question), and the answer to my other “romantic” question, that at least she is giving me hugs. I focused/meditated to her an hour listening to it… and… fall asleep for another 20 mins lol

What else happened today? Chakra meditation the ancient way

There is one more interesting thing I would like to share.

I always felt, that the chakra and kundalini “stuff” mostly found in our western culture is not the “genuine thing”, the way it is often presented. I don’t know, for some things it seem as if there is a type of instinct I have, that something feels right or not right, in regard of the spiritual. I cannot explain it nor try to usually, I just follow this instinct automatically. And it is so strong, that when I try something it may feel immediately as “not right” or “not gonna work” or “not for you” or “not this way” and then I’m no longer practicing it. So it has been with most “chakra working” things I partially encountered.

Today, I watched a video I encountered, from a master in Indian yoga, who described exactly that feeling I had about the mentioned western chakra materials. He spoke about them and how it has been changed by the western culture. He mentioned the differences, of what the western teachers and culture teaches compared to the ancient original teachings. Specifically, which things were written by the ancient yogis truely, which things didn’t exist at all in the sanskript, and which have been and how modified. He explains, what the kundalini serpent truely is, how we should imagine the chakras, what their nature is to our body and a lot more.

Based with this knowledge, I said to myself to try once more chakra and kundalini meditation, which in the past I weren’t so fond about. As I started doing it, with what I learned from him, it felt different this time. More so, as I started doing it, only a minute in it, I get a very short vision of a female in my mind (yes I saw it visually), lasting like 1-2 seconds at most, which seem to happily and positively giggling behind her hand, as if she were happy about it. I admit, I first wondered, if she is giggling because I made maybe a funny face meditating or something, but I got a sense of feeling that it was a positive happy expression about me trying that. Maybe it was angel Amitiel in that vision, as that female didn’t had the aura of my succubus. Maybe.

Don’t worry, I weren’t planning to keep the video a secret from you. Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ODfwJBDgBs

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Wanted to find something on Pinterest, I tried first “Demon Girl”, then wanted to search for “Succubus” next. As I pay no attention, I type “Duccubud” and before realizing my mistake by looking on the search, got on my mind’s eye the image of a young woman crazily laughing.

Who wants a Duccubud summoned? :rofl:
Who wants to f*** a Duccubud? :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Picking up on a random telepathy convo:

Me: “Couldn’t you have warned me, that my balls would hurt and I can’t walk straight, before these 15 orgasms (throughout the whole night and morning)?”
Succubus: “Would it have changed anything?”
Me: “Ehm … probably not…”

:blush:

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