Work on your discipline and patience.
You want a mentor, that’s fine.
BUT you are giving away your power in the process. A mentor is supposed to help you, not receive your power.
You don’t NEED more guidance. You don’t NEED a male your age to be comfortable.
You need to embrace all your imperfections, steel yourself, and burn away all the shit that you don’t like, by your own, step by step, piece by piece, without mercy.
Decide ONE thing that you need RIGHT NOW to be able to advance further in magick. Just one, THE most profitable, but also relatively attainable.
Now research all exercises that would allow you to get it, give yourself 3 days to do this. Try them all out once or twice, and the one that gives you the most results… FOCUS ON IT. Do it each day, for a specific allotted time (don’t go overboard on it, you’ll get sick of it) and do not fucking stop until you achieve it.
Rinse and repeat.
Stop apologizing, and start burning shit away and building your empire.
Have no mercy towards your own weakness.