Is some entity drawing me to death?

Spirits, Evocation & Possession
1

I suffered from chronic depression since I was 12 years old, and nothing(medication, meeting with psychologists and therapists) helped me: I have drawn to my own death since then.

And since 2017 I have doubted some entity(or entities) for having me drawn to depression and suicidal thoughts.
I don’t know who the firetruck these “women” are, but they, or at least one of them, seem to be related with my case.

In spring 2017, an entity whose voice was that of a young woman visited me, and asked me “Teacher, do you want to live more?”.
(I’m not a teacher… at least in this life but she called me that)
I occasionally hate myself for saying “Yes” to her. But anyway 3 days later from that event, I was nearly caught in a car accident and survived.

And a few days ago, when I was depressed after fighting with my family, I saw another woman in my vision.
She was a white old lady holding purple bead with wand. That bead tasted sweet but I pulled it out from my mouth, since I didn’t know who was her and whether I could trust her.

Maybe my god Odin has some plan to do with my depression (since he is a death god, and he called me when I was seriously depressed) but I don’t know.
Actually I don’t give a firetruck because I’m depressed nowadays and all I want now is my own death.
I don’t know about his or other entities’ plan, or whether some entity really drawing me to my death or not… Oh I don’t know everything. That’s why I’m telling my situation into this forum.

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I am truly sorry that you feel this way and I hope you receive the guidance you need in order to overcome these feelings. I am assuming you have already meditated and attempted to work on any aspects of yourself that you feel may be impacting you in a negative way? Whilst positive affirmations do not always work for everyone (speaking from personal experience at least) it cannot hurt to try, if you have not already done so.

If you feel that you have a strong connection to Odin, have you tried actually seeking his guidance and asking him if he is trying to communicate a particular message to you. It may be that, instead of pushing you towards physical death - an entity or Patron that is familiar with you is pushing you towards a new stage in life. The symbolic ‘death’ of the old self and rebirth into a new chapter of this life.

I will echo @Blizzard in saying that I am here should you need someone to talk to, and I want you to know that you are special, valued and have great worth.

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I second that, ShadowMonarch. That is great advice.

I will add, even though it does not seem to be doing much for you it is still important to talk to someone about these feelings. Also if you do get to a really dark place please seek help, physical death is never the answer.

“It is a long term solution to a short term problem.” Something someone very close to me once told me that when I was in my own dark place.

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