So I guess I should introduce myself with a little back story.
March 2010 found me as a newly wed 24 year old just starting college (I served a 2 year mission in the LDS Church, when I got back I had found that my father lost his job. I went to work to help my family get back on their feet, thus I was late to the whole college thing). And I was miserable. Don’t get me wrong I was (and still am) head over heels for my beautiful wife, I was miserable because all my non Mormon friends had graduated college or started a career and I was more than a few years behind. I started to have some serious doubts about the LDS Church, and the way they wanted me to live my life. It seemed to me that they wanted me to devote all my time and talents to their Church and they in return would offer nothing but a “warm fuzzy” feeling in return. I was powerless and I hated it.
Now there is a popular belief in the Mormon world that miracles in our lives are just manifestations of us being obedient to a higher law. Confused? I’ll give an example. Airplanes flying overhead would seem like a miracle or magick to someone who did not have a basic understanding of aerodynamics. Jesus walking on water? He somehow knew how to do that. “So” I reasoned “That must mean that there is a way I can attract things that I want in my life.” After several days of deep pondering I came to the conclusion that Magick must be real, and if I wanted to boost my chance and catching up, or surpassing, my non Mormon peers, I would need to become proficient at magcik. If I wanted to no longer be powerless I needed magick!
I was fired up! Every second I had to spare was dedicated to learning all I could about the unseen forces that influence or rule our lives and the universe. I was very excited…for about a week, then I got very confused. Every source I came across had conflicting views with every other source. “Demons are EVIL and will eat you alive!” one source would claim, “No, no, no! Demons are Gods and Goddesses who are being blasphemed against by Christians. Demons are all very nice and will help you.” rebuttaled another. “Cthulhu is the one TRUE God!” Shouted still another.
I was lost in a figurative sea of confusion. I had tried some very basic candle mediations and I seemed to get what I was after, but I didn’t know where to go next. Then I found my first “voice of sanity” (though he may claim otherwise, I can’t say, never met the man.) Kia Dragon from the podcast “Pagan Chaos Magick” . I should mention that I am an avid podcast listener while I am at the gym. I love podcasts and while surfing the web it occurred to me that someone out there may have a podcast about magick. Pagan Chaos Magick was just what I needed when I needed it. Did Kia Dragon unfold the mysteries of the universe to me, teaching me how to summon infernal legions and hold councils with the Gods? No, but that is not the point of his podcast (unless I seriously missed something while listening). He became like an older brother to me in the times I listened to him talk. I heard a lot about his magical adventures and that emboldened me to dive head first into more than burning a few candles and meditating.
I bounced around different magical systems until one day YouTube suggested that I watch an interview that E.A. did about the Book of Azazel. I liked what he had to say, so I saved up some money, purchased Mastering Divination and The Complete Works and I have not looked back since.