My name is Morgan and I’m in Europe. (I could tell you the country in PM, but I don’t want people to find this account)
I’m happy to have found this forum, people here seem so nice, and there is so much wisdom here that it’ll take me ages to get through, but that’s alright.
I’m most familiar with New Avatar Power (the original book by Cobb), Demons of Magick, and Goetia Pathworking. I’ve worked with the angels but I’ve never successfully invoked a demon. This is my goal, to work with them and gain a better understand of how to contact them. (and of course, to ask them for assistance with my problems).
My problems are very typical, money and love! I’m sure no one cares but I’m a student, who always lived with her older boyfriend. He got a job abroad, and I stayed behind. Now 3 days ago he comes back, apparently only to get his stuff, and tells me he is done (at the last possible minute, before leaving).
He’s done being the only one financially responsible. (and I get that. I was wrong. I didn’t understand just how hard it was to carry everything by himself. I am truly sorry for having been a parasite, I never meant it that way. I am taking steps towards becoming independent financially, and he was wrong to just suddenly drop that on me and just…throw me away) You know the story, my family passed away, I have some friends. He sort of left the door open a crack…If I become completely independent, we could talk again, start anew, but as I am now, he doesn’t want me.
He just called a minute ago, wondering how I am (like what do you expect) and I was like, stunned. I started to cry because I couldn’t control it, and he re-iterated that he is done, in his mind, he does not want me, do not call me (but he just called me)
…I am lost for words, which is rare, as you can see I am a talker but omfg.
As for my living situation: I live in a very large, nice apartment, which he also lived in months ago, and is still paying for (he is paying for this place, and his new apartment in Ireland) and I get it ok! with the energy prices and everything through the roof, it’s no longer doable, he’s not Rockefeller, if he were, trust me, he would have supported me. Completely understand. But! He offered to do this. Never once did I force him into it. Anyway I may have to leave this place eventually. Welfare, will cover the rent but not all the things like water, electricity, gas…The thing is I would love love love to be able to keep this place. It’s my home.
This will be one of my magical goals, helping me earn money. And don’t worry, I am taking the real life steps towards that, I’m going to have to ask for welfare for now, then try to find work as soon as possible, I am listing items online to sell, maybe I can ask my one friend to explain bitcoins and how to mine them, anything, anything for money.
Now I hear Clauneck is the demon to go to. I’m going to try and ask him, using the ritual in the book demons of magick (if anyone has ideas, please, let me know in PM). But be realistic, I cannot use a lot of ingredients because I simply do not have the money to buy them. I’m holding onto my last couple hundreds as a dragon on top of a treasure.
Anyway so his sister Nina, is my friend, and offered to let me stay with her. She’s willing to help too, so I’m not on the street. If need be, I stay with her and her son, they’re the nicest people and very sweet friends.
As for my other problem. I don’t get how he can be so cold towards me. Aside from the money problems. I get the new job is incredibly stressful. His life in Ireland is peaceful and quiet, without drama, And being long distance we did not have a relationship but we texted and talked every day. He was never far away, to me. I always loved him. He assures me it isn’t anyone else. I can see that. He isn’t the kind of person. He is very very easily swayed by others, maybe hearing his coworkers opinions…He doesn’t want a child, a leech, or a worm. I’m not an adult (legally only), and he is done.
Okay. Well, I believe in the powers of magick. I am willing to change my situation (because I have to, let’s be realistic)I’ll find work. I look very young, dress cute (never revealing, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but more like a japanese schoolgirl, though I’m white and redhaired), I have my own charm, spark of life. some of that has got to stay.
I want him to return to me. I still do. But he must be nicer, he has to apologize. (and this may be wrong of me, very wrong, but I wish for him to hurt. To feel lonely. To miss me. Maybe I wish he loses his job.)
I feel, that it is partly deserved. Don’t get me wrong I was in the wrong. I admitted that. But he didn’t have to be cruel. Trust me, if he will not bend, he must break. He’s never kept a job for more than 2 years. I do not see this going any different! There will be problems, and I won’t be there anymore, he will miss me.
How to achieve that…I’ve been working New Avatar Power, point A, preliminary rites, the chant to rekindle love, chant for success, and let’s say it worked in part, he called, shows concern in some way. Perhaps I shouldn’t have answered the phone. Trust me, I won’t again. I have the feeling the chant may work but given months. Dantallion or Paimon to remove mental blocks are also an option.
If anyone has any ideas, or just wants to talk, please, my PM’s are open, I love to talk, I could use all the friends and help I could get.
Love to all you beautiful people, I hope you’re having a wonderful day,