I am 45 yrs old. My grandmother and the women before her were known “kitchen witches”. I grew up knowing what herbs for what and stories of various family members both good and bad.
At around age 25 having become solidly disillusioned with the Christian church I immersed myself into witch craft.
This seemed to work for me for years except for the occasional rumors and stereotyping around my small town. I considered myself a good person and strictly followed the rule of 3. At most I would bind individuals for my own safety of the safety of my children/spouse. My spouse was also pagan although he followed a more Druidic path.
It was around 2010 that I began finding myself growing distant from ANY faith. It started by not having time to meditate and went from there. My life during this time began to spiral down. In 2014 I gave up all I had previously believed and slowly started to follow Christianity again.
I avoided all my “old ways” and now things have just simply hit rock bottom.
Why “trying to be a Christian again”, my parents alienated me from my oldest child (they are your standard hypocrite Christians), my spouse died of a massive heart attack, etc etc.
When I remarried and moved to Okinawa I again started finding peace and happiness. I felt more accepted as their Shinto faith is very similar to what I had believed in for years. So I felt very comfortable and at Peace there not attending church or temple…just exist happily among those whose festivals consisted of Obon etc.
Since our return to America I have attended church with certain family members out of respect to their wishes. Even as I have struggled with faith I am not a “bee-pop-a Jesus” person. Things got worse. Months and months of my oldest daughter trying to dictate to me from 4000 miles away. She gave birth to my first and only grandchild in October.
Now nothing I do is correct. I can’t buy him this outfit or that one, she’ll (just throw it away). I can’t buy him a push toy motorcycle it has to be a push tractor if I get it. We cannot come see you, we are going to Puerto Rico with her in-laws even though they have been afforded time with him.
The final straw…I cannot kiss my own grandchild. Even though I am perfectly healthy with enough sense that if I even had a cough I would not expose him by holding. I cannot kiss him on the cheek or forehead? I simply disagreed with her by sending her information about the actual risks of what she claimed (HSV-1).
Now because I disagreed with her she has cancelled what would have been our time with our grandchild. She became so angry that she even told me I should not have purchased my $1500 car (my only car) but use that money to fly to her. She went as far as saying I shouldn’t have used our money for rent instead of her. We also should also not drive out to see our son graduate from basic training.
She accused us of buying plane tickets instead of driving it etc. The other grandparents are constantly thrown into our face along with my parents who alienated me from my oldest son. They bad mouthed me to the point that I was called on Mother’s Day of 2016 and yelled at for some Washington DC trip I didn’t even know about. That was the last time I was able to speak to him as well.
My oldest daughter has been in contact with them as my son’s wedding is next month (she is invited and I am not). Then out of the blue bam I can’t kiss my grandson on the cheek or forehead. Because I disagreed via telephone I can “no longer see my grandchild”.
Seeing this Christian life I have already struggled with and all the priests excuses for “God’s Plan”…NO! I am going back to what I believed in strongly that was ALWAYS good to me and gave peace to my heart. The only struggle I am currently having is rather than cast a binding spell for my own mental safety, curses and hexes are sounding much better.
I have fasted and meditated for DAYS contemplating “should I go there”. I have already decided that I will never again tuck away my alter, this is who I am. But the wrestling comes in, “do I stick with those simple little binding spells or fully fight back even if it is my own CHRISTIAN children and parents I’d be fighting?