This weekend I decided to pursue my real goals of writing the book–my actual book–and not just working on the timeline. I’ve decided to write a memoir, and the “opening scene” is my attempted suicide in high school–the one where I was too close to success.
I realized, in going back into that memory and write with detail, I had to do as Pariah mentioned about another topic:
The irony, is what happened as I went to bed that night, convinced that I was going to achieve my goal.
"I went to bed that night, satisfied with my deeds. On the television, the title scene to Intolerable Cruelty played.
How fucking ironic.
I wound up rewatching the film last night. Some personality ironies. Yet, nothing quite as ironic as that title track:
Why can’t you see What you’re doing to me When you don’t believe a word I say?
We can’t go on together With suspicious minds (suspicious minds) And we can’t build our dreams On suspicious minds
We’re caught in a trap
In doing this exercise, I’ve noticed a lot of interesting life experiences that happened even before this that have me tilting my head ever so slightly.
I wonder if this journey started out on the cusp of the event horizon, and like the anglerfish, those who wished us to cross the threshold just had to dangle the right things in front of us enough just to get caught up in the event’s horizon. Once we crossed that line there was no escaping the future, we were caught up and unable to escape.