I have a 10yr old that will be 11 in the fall. He has Autism and his actions can be interpreted as disrespectful because he has a tough time interacting with people socially. It was horrible when he was younger and until he was diagnosed with Autism, I didn’t understand why he did the things he did. Lately he’s developed a rather entitled, cocky and disrespectful attitude. I tell him to do something and he rolls his eyes and complains. At first I would get defensive and felt like he was challenging my authority as a mom, but had to put myself into his little mind and had to explain to him that look kid, I know you don’t like taking out the trash or (insert chore or task here) but I’m asking you to do it as your way to contribute around the house and because we all have responsibilities. I stopped seeing him as something I controlled, and started seeing him along with my other kids as little beings with their own thoughts and emotions. This helped me better parent them.
Also, my 10yr old would start displaying signs that he needed me more because he would start asking me questions, like questions he already knew the answer to, he would hang out with me more, show more interest in the things I liked etc. if I didn’t show him the attention he needed he became disrespectful and would talk back, but since he has Autism, he couldn’t effectively tell me he wanted more of my time. I had to figure it out and explain to him that I’m not trying to ignore him or intentionally make him feel like he’s left out. A side note, I’m a disabled Veteran and have a great deal of mental trauma & mental issues so some days are good, some are crippling to the point where I get withdrawn and isolate myself. I’m still available but I just get quiet.
After seeing how this was affecting him I had to force myself to be more available for him and I also had to stop looking at what was wrong with him and start looking at what was RIGHT about him. I started praising him more when he did something nice for his siblings or when he took it upon himself to do his chores without me or his dad telling him to. When he gets angry or upset, I take him aside and tell him while he’s allowed to be angry or whatever emotion he’a feeling, he’s not allowed to be disrespectful, then I just sit and let him talk it out.
I say all of that to say sometimes we as parents have to look at ourselves to see if anything we’re doing, whether intentional or not, is causing our kids to act out in defiance. Maybe take him out by himself if you’re able and buy him his favorite meal or get him a nice t-shirt or something, talk him him mom to son, ask him about some of his interests, if he likes video games, take a moment to watch him play his favorite game or watch an episode of his favorite show with him. thank him for the things he does, even if in the back of your mind you feel you shouldn’t have to. Remember, even though he’s 12, he’s still just a kid. He may be seeking something in those kids he’s not getting at home.
As far as spirits, I call on Erzuli Dantor to protect my babies because she’s a fierce protector of mommies and children. I also created a servitor to help guide my babies.
There’s no handbook for parenting, so we all need to give each other a helping hand when we need it. I hope I was of some help, I tend to be all over the place sometimes when explaining things.