In Cold Dwellings

Friday, October 9th

Just a short one before I go out, nothing of substance. Last night I had a sweet dream about a boy I used to have a crush on, someone I got along very well with. It was mutual but the circumstances just never worked out, one of us was always involved with someone else when the other was single. Still, somehow I always thought we’d end up together.

It was nice to be reminded of that feeling of sweet, uncomplicated potential. I hope he’s doing well.

Tuesday, 13th October

Not much to report today magickal-practice-wise.

Last night I had broken sleep and kept going in and out of dreams. The single theme was that I was casting rituals and petitions to Buer, who I have not worked with before. In the last dream, another spirit showed up, a gaunt and wiry old man with very long white hair. I woke up with the impression of “F”. I opened up my copy of Demons of Magick and the page I was on was “The powers of Furcas”. His evocation keys: grey and white, and the feeling of old skin over hard muscle.

Looks like I’ll be working with Buer and Furcas, I suppose. I haven’t had a demon try to reach me in dreams, that I know of, since my PAIMON dream.

More rambling:
I remember a situation that happened a few years ago. Maybe six or seven years now that I think about it. I was lying in bed and meditating on Elubatel’s sigil, then put it aside and tried to sleep. My ears were full of the sound of ringing. From a distance I heard dogs barking, and then in a great chain from far to nearby, all the dogs in the neighbourhood were set to howling and barking. From the window right behind my head I heard a dog’s steady panting gradually approaching, until it was right by my head. By then I was very disturbed and firmly cried “Stop!” in my head. The sound – panting, barking, and ringing all – stopped, not at all once, but as though some great hand seized the world’s volume control and turned it steadily down from 10 to zero. I think that was what freaked me out the most. I was too nervous to sleep for a long time after, and I never figured out exactly what happened.

Edit: also on the way to work I was violently overtaken by a car whose numberplate read “3 Signs”. Ok universe, give me my three signs then, I’m ready.

Until next time :two_hearts:

Wednesday, 14th October

Drake ft. The Weeknd – Trust Issues

Have been in a bit of a temporary slump. Went to bed very early (like 8pm) last night because I was bored of being awake. More broken, unsettling dreams. One where everyone at my workplace was upset and complaining about me. Weird to wake up thinking I was in the wee hours, only to check the time and see it was just past midnight.

Laid back down and tried to go back to sleep. My eyes were jerking around behind closed lids, visualisation was quite strong and present, but I had a very strange, indefinable feeling in my physical body, a simultaneous loss of proprioception and an overwhelming sense of being… a wooden construct, with spikes all on the inside. I can’t possibly know how to describe it in a way that makes sense, it was familiar and yet completely unlike anything in memory.

Another dream, involving my family, where someone was injured. That disturbed me as well.

It also made me look back and realise that I had a dream a month or six weeks or so ago that was, partially or symbolically at least, prophetic.

Was in a surly mood all morning until I overheard something that let me know he is still thinking of me, still using the inside jokes we had. And a new opportunity arose, which I will capitalise on; at the same time, I was dismayed at my lack of control. The thoughts that automatically reared their heads made me realise I still have work to do on myself (which is fine, it’s a work in progress). Not to mention the fact that my body still goes into nervous overdrive in his presence. Every time it happens now, I just thank my mind for releasing the old model, and continue to focus on the new.

…But his eyes on me last week, when he made a joke about calling someone “Daddy” and then slid his gaze over to catch mine… God put this man together just right, just for me, exactly to my specifications. :pray:

Edit: On the way to work today – a car numberplate which said simply “LAWD”, being trapped in traffic between a car with ladders strapped to its roof racks in front, and an ambulance behind (whose significance I’ve yet to detail here) – my three signs, as promised? :thinking:

sweet pain of toothache
can’t stop probing with your tongue.
decide if this is chosen, or seek the end until it’s done.
for no words can speak more truth
than endless beat of heart and lung.
what point in hope, what point in praying?
when in choosing from his lips, when in plucking from his heart
the very words in saying.
and oh, what precious time is spent
holding tight to your heart’s fetter.
decreed aloud, thought held in mind:
him, or someone better.

Tuesday, 20th October

Kendrick Lamar – LOVE. FEAT. ZACARI.

Have been steadily working my way through a bunch of targeted petitions, with more planned over the remainder of the week.

One petition last night felt like a big win. Good energy, strong candle flame. Evocation keys were easily called up and projected. Got a bit turned on. The petition burned so quickly and strongly that the flames were floating an inch or two above the actual paper. Will report back in a few weeks.

Second petition last night, almost instantaneous results after calling up this particular spirit and tasking him. Within the hour later I had results, and the results have lasted all through today. Note, this was a petition for internal change, not material manifestation as such. Part of the deal was public praise, so I hope he understands that I am holding off on being more explicit here, because while the quick effects are very welcome, I would like to see if it holds a bit more long-term, to the spirit of the petition, and not just the word. But, so far I am quite impressed, and excited to share praise. I’m a little bit in awe/love. Reee

Petition tonight, same deal; took a minute to get myself settled but made sure I was in the zone when I went into it. Good connection, strong visualisation, quick burning.

My dreams (which I take to be a yardstick for my subconscious) have been gradually clearing up. Last night was an interesting kind of meta-dream, in which I was experiencing something that I wanted, and my dream-self, while not lucid, was nonetheless conscious that it was being imprinted on my subconscious. :thinking:

And before I drifted off to sleep, Furcas was on my mind once more, and I felt a presence quite strongly. Today I was idly drawing him. I haven’t forgotten, and I will call on you.

I am watching the results of a petition I made a few months ago seeming to come to fruition before my very eyes. I’m actually wondering if I should reverse it because there’s probably going to be a lot of money in it for me. :thinking: At the time I didn’t see beyond just wanting it to be removed from my day to day life, but now I think I am better equipped to handle it, and instead of using magic to make the problem go away, I can use magic to make myself more capable of handing the problem.

Got myself a new Tarot deck, and ordered hard-copies of 72 Angels of Magick and Demons of Magick. I plan to pad out my collection with a hardcopy of every Gallery of Magick book… just in case.

One note; I have been following my own notes I’ve taken on DoM’s first ritual, the petition ritual. I should amend them to include the below as I have found them very helpful for myself:

  • Eyes open visualisation during opening ritual, while staring fixedly through the core ritual sigil.
  • Chanting Atah Gibor Le-olam Adonai rather than stating it once, while staring through the core ritual sigil.
  • If I have trouble focusing I continue to chant the above while scanning the demon’s sigil, up until calling the Shem angel.
  • Continuing to mentally chant the demon’s name as I cycle through the evocation keys, building momentum, switching back and forth at random between them.
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