So, since I regained a part of my shadow (I think so at least, there definitely was a parasite attached as well), it (or someone communicating with me astrally) made me disillusioned with the shem.
Very quickly I was able to recognise that they act manipulatively and are hiding something from me, possibly even trying to disable me in some way.
So, chronologically, what happened?
As I was attempting the operation described in this post: A trapped spirit - identification
I evoked Leuviah(19th), Veuhiah(43rd), Ielehaiah(44th) and Chabuiah(68th) around the first day of meditating. It seemingly came a little more as an invocation in cases of Ielehaiah and Chabuiah.
What is relevant here?
Veuhaiah was really upset with me, genuinely furious and screaming, calling me a fool and a pretender.
Leuviah was really supportive, telling me I have everything that I need.
Chabuiah just kind of came into my energy and laid me to sleep.
Ielehiah is the most important here - he told me that I call upon angels too much, my will is not focused enough, I’m arrogant, I prefer to dream rather than act, I lack discipline and tactics in my behaviour. Very valuable observations, all of this, and definitely true. I remember asking him to guarantee success with opening the sphere from the post mentioned above, and either of us chuckled (as it came out as an invocation more or less) and immidiately I felt something placed on my left temple, going in deeper - it felt like a large nail. As of then I thought it to be of help and appreciated it.
Not long had passed after opening the vessel and either this entity within (I think it’s a shadow fragment, but could also be parasite) or someone astrally communicating with me asked me to call shem again.
That’s where I became suspicious.
Calling Leuviah to ask “what exactly is the grace of God?”, question dodged, tried to distract me with sex. It was underwhelming and upon thinking that they left hurt and disappointed.
Calling Mizrael (60th) he was dodgy to all my questions, replying with questions to questions - asked if he can cure mental illness in me, replied “Are you really ill?”, asked if he can protect me from enemies, replied “Are they really enemies?”, asked if he had to do with connecting me and the woman I mentioned in my introduction post, replied with silence. He noticed that I was communicating with someone else as I was calling him (to me it seemed like it was someone external, but it might have been the shadow part or a parasite) he asked if he may ask who this is and I answered “I’d rather not”. He became very serious and we parted ways.
Calling Chabuiah, he was very angry and demanded that I burn a bunch of wheat by the water as an apology to him. I agreed and have prepared a bunch of wheat, it’s been drying for the past couple of days, I plan to burn it today.
Then I came to realise that what Ielehaiah placed on me is some sort of limiting/controlling device. I contacted Raziel to ask how I can remove it, but he responded with “what do you want to remove it for?” and then he reached out into me and grasped the place where the parasite/shadow part were asking “and what is this?”. At that point I panicked and thanked him and said goodbye.
Then, I heard that “There is still hope” and that I should circulate energy in my body counter-clockwise to save this entity. At some point it intensified incredibly and then calmed down. Then, this entity seemingly said “I got you now, I will enjoy torturing you”.
Immense hopelesness and fatalism followed, I was under the impression that I am destined to become a backseat observer of my life and something else, wheter it be the parasite or my shadow, will be controlling my body.
Tarot implied that this is actually a victory and I should be happy. I couldn’t.
There were also many signs outwardly - flashes of light, moving and disappearing or flashing stars in the sky (sometimes red ones), circular rainbow once, crows attacking me (flying at me, passing just over my head, then turning around and doing the same), spiders walking onto me in groups, at first people seemingly drawn to me, later, as I resisted, seemingly repulsed.
All of this seems to indicate that this is a case of posession. I’ve been following directions of Robert Bruce’s Practical Psychic Self-Defense, particularly grounding in nature and the purple “bunsen burner” seem to have some effect, but I feel like it’s becoming harder to distinguish what is my own and what is part of this entity’s controls. I also do my best to repeat his core affirmation continuously. There are also things that are very difficult or impossible to realise (like I can’t take a bath, or ground my bed). I started performing LBRP both in the morning and in the evening, but since two days ago Veuhiah has been attacking me immidiately after I finish. Switching the names from the Kabbalistic ones to the Egyptian ones of Resch seems to have alleviated this issue.
It is also recommended to get in touch with energy healers and such to get help, but I wasn’t able to find a reputable place for that. I tried going to a catholic exorcist, but they weren’t avaible at that time and I have little faith that this would work now.
Do you know where I can find someone reputable in Europe?
I also tried removing this “implant” that Ielehiah placed on me with my knife, this helped for a moment, but seems to have worsened the issue long-term. (A folly, one of many)
I tried contacting Thoth and Isis for help with this, but this thing on my left temple seems to be intercepting the energy (pressure rises in that spot to a point of pain) and I was only presented with impostors or psychic constructions rather than the actual deities, seemingly.
I tried reaching out to my higher self (or HGA) for help, asking for synchronicities, but I’m uncertain as to their validity. It is possible that these are false leads. The best I have to go off of, I feel, is a car registration PRAX03 which might relate to action (as in praxis) or tenuously to Greek polis Praisos on Krete. In this case, I feel that I should go there on foot. But this might be the posessing spirit sending me on a wild goose chase.
There is also a memory, which either could be the entity implanting a false memory to protect itself, or a legitimate pact I’ve made when I was 11. The memory goes like this:
I was in extreme grief from something that has happened between me and my parents (I don’t know what, but it seems to not have been that bad) and I asked for something, anything to make it so the world is no longer like this (where children are treated by their parents unfairly and hurtfully, seemingly). If the memory is correct, Belial appeared then and offered to fulfill this wish if I give up 15 years of my life.
I agreed.
He said that if I have the abilities by the time the 15 years pass, I will be able to fulfill this on my own terms, if not, I will do it on his terms.
I agreed.
He asked me if I want to know how it’s going to end and warned that I if I do, I will want to forget and he will grant this wish - this will make attaining the abilities harder.
I agreed.
This is seemingly where I had this very beautiful and at once terrible vision. I indeed, didn’t want to remember.
At this point some dark angel (there is some impression that this was myself, or HGA, pretty rough if true) appeared and r*ped me, I think. This is when the vessel mentioned in the previous topic was created.
The framing was such, that this is supposed to be a new spirit, gestated in me.
No real idea if this is implanted by a parasite to inflate it’s own importance and take away my hope, or if this is an actual pact.
Also, I’m under the impression that I took on a couple other spirits to posess me in the interim and they collaborate together.
It seems to me like what I need to do first, is to rid myself of whatever Ielahaiah implanted in me, but as it seems to hinder any astral communication (basically collecting the energy I put into communicating) it might be impossible.
Any ideas on how to proceed with this issue?
How to protect myself from Veuhaiah attacking me?
Shields worked to some degree, but he seems to find weak spots, or attack when they weaken.
