Some time now I have studied orgonite, ancient egypt, ormus, occult and magic etc and its all very exciting and I WANT to do this
But the only thing I can do is just study it a little on my ipad. In over 5 month my consciousness have been so cloudy that I can barely think and remember stuff.
Here is the problems:
-low awareness
-bad memory
-no emotions (I was to a concert and and I just felt the same as if I was brushing my teeth in the morning)
-bad memory
-no focus
-not grounded
-canāt even plan 1 day ahead
All of this is a nightmare! I wanna be excited and motivated about life but everything is like I am standing in a big cloud and only can se 3 feet forwards! I canāt remember what I did 2 days agoā¦
all I can pull myself together to do is to buy some orgonite, crystals and ormus that hopefully can help me wake the f**k up but im still waiting for that
also I can meditate a little bit but the gains are so bad due to the state my consciousness is in.
I think it all started when I tryed some alchemy methods to turn iron to gold (it failed but have more ideas to try)
Does anyone know what I can do? Should I put all my effort into making an evocation to a spirit that can help get out of this state? if so which one?
I think it was over 5-7 days where everything just went away and I became total zombie.
I think it was when I started to collect ingrediets to try to make gold
I started to notise bad memory and also the way my walkings in the forest became, where I simply could walk 30min without any thoughts and then come back and forget I even walked
Idk why but I feel that an unwelcomed energyās are surounding you
In that case you should NEVER contact demons with this negative mind state
To me It feels like your soul is being eating bits by bits to the point you feel like a walking dead man with no meaning in life and having a dark thoughts (probably suicidal thoughts)
or bassed on book I read that could be a symptoms of spirtual transformation perhaps change in views
And faith which is pretty normal
I suggest you should start taking a spiritual bath to cleanse all this negative energyās
Trust me after a week or two you will feel the difference
In worm bath add
1-2 cups of Apple Cider Vinegar
A hand full Sea Salt
1 cup of Baking Soda
Try to do it everyday with the thought of reborning and shading old layers of negative of your body
As I said you have to be divine to be able to conntact the divine
If your in that state of mind you might attract the opposite (like attracts like) yet Iām not saying that they canāt help you but you should learn to be able to stand on your own
not depend on them to lift you up when you feel down
as soon as you get better then you should conntact them for guidance
Please update me
Iāll always be here if you need any help
For me something Iāve learned that when you summon a spirit you never know who he/she might bring with.
Even if you ask The deity to dismiss them most might not leave.
The only protection you have is yourself your strength
If your in that state you might endup getting attachments from an unwanted spirits
Thatās why I think mental health is very important.
I think seeing a doctor would be a good first step.
Also, what ingredients did you collect to make gold - was there any lead, or mercury, antyhing that might be giving off vapoursa or otherwise possibly toxic?
Magickally speaking, you have some great advice there, I suggest calling on Thoth for mental clarity, simply use the image on this page as a link, maybe draw his name out in heiroglyphs carefully:
It seems like a symptom of energetic backlash, Itās quite common with the more intense paths. The energies slowly destroy you even as they grant you power. To certain extents the cost is just a part of certain paths that you have to deal with, but it can go too far to the point of self destruction. If that sounds like you. Iād advise you just slow down a bit, and take your time progressing through your magickal path.
Deadening the self is an important part of Necromancy though. Binding oneself closer to Death, the dead and the Other Side while not fully succumbing to it. Iāve had grimoires talk about LITERALLY mutilating oneās soul in order to grow closer to death. āWalking dead manā is exactly what you want. Though you (and @CasperK) are probably not describing the same phenomena I am.
I am with Lady Eva. I donāt know what chemicals are involved with your experiments, but if you got a case of heavy-metal or some other type of poisoning, youāll have to address that.
I think it was Israel Regardie that permanently damaged his lungs when an alchemy experiment went bad.
