Idk why but I feel that an unwelcomed energy’s are surounding you
In that case you should NEVER contact demons with this negative mind state
To me It feels like your soul is being eating bits by bits to the point you feel like a walking dead man with no meaning in life and having a dark thoughts (probably suicidal thoughts)
or bassed on book I read that could be a symptoms of spirtual transformation perhaps change in views
And faith which is pretty normal
I suggest you should start taking a spiritual bath to cleanse all this negative energy’s
Trust me after a week or two you will feel the difference
In worm bath add
1-2 cups of Apple Cider Vinegar
A hand full Sea Salt
1 cup of Baking Soda
Try to do it everyday with the thought of reborning and shading old layers of negative of your body
As I said you have to be divine to be able to conntact the divine
If your in that state of mind you might attract the opposite (like attracts like) yet I’m not saying that they can’t help you but you should learn to be able to stand on your own
not depend on them to lift you up when you feel down
as soon as you get better then you should conntact them for guidance
Please update me
I’ll always be here if you need any help
For me something I’ve learned that when you summon a spirit you never know who he/she might bring with.
Even if you ask The deity to dismiss them most might not leave.
The only protection you have is yourself your strength
If your in that state you might endup getting attachments from an unwanted spirits
That’s why I think mental health is very important.
It seems like a symptom of energetic backlash, It’s quite common with the more intense paths. The energies slowly destroy you even as they grant you power. To certain extents the cost is just a part of certain paths that you have to deal with, but it can go too far to the point of self destruction. If that sounds like you. I’d advise you just slow down a bit, and take your time progressing through your magickal path.
Deadening the self is an important part of Necromancy though. Binding oneself closer to Death, the dead and the Other Side while not fully succumbing to it. I’ve had grimoires talk about LITERALLY mutilating one’s soul in order to grow closer to death. “Walking dead man” is exactly what you want. Though you (and @CasperK) are probably not describing the same phenomena I am.