me and my bf broke up yesterday because he said we’ve been arguing too much and it’s gotten to him and he’s the avoidant type while i’m the obsessive clingy type. we’ve been dating for almost a year and I havent felt so insanely miserable in so long I just want to go back and never start an argument ever no matter how upset I felt at anything. everytime I text him, he leaves me on delivered and treats me like I don’t exist and disregards me and it just feels like all the love we shared was fake. I just want him back, I’m so tired of this. If I cant get him back then I wanna remove all possible connection with him that makes me so sad and find ways to not feel insanely lonely and miserable
Speaking as an avoidant type myself, I get you, but you’re handling is the exact way to make him run away even more and get cut off for good.
You have to give him time to relax and start to miss you, and he’ll feel able to come back when he’s recovered.
Possible, but this could also be an excuse to mask that he’s really uncomfortable with the clingyness, so he’s created a reason to make it not his fault that he’s running away.
Yes, that’s why it’s called “avoidant” - he’s now avoiding you because he hates this behavior from you. You have to stop doing this you’re making it worse - you HAVE to chill.
Neither approach is super healthy, but it can work with communication and awareness of what each needs.
This, ironically, would also help you get him back, by calming you right down so you’re not the clingy one.
I have my mrthod here if you want to try it that uses poppets.
Based on your intro you use can use sigils, so you can use that with enetities for healing along with your shadow work to prgress through into a more secure attachment style and release the grief from the relationship.
Some suggestions:
- Marbas (Goetia healer) or
- Raphael’s seal (archangel of healing)
- Buer is good for mental and emptional healing:
Mental and emotional healing. At any time when you feel that you need to be healed, because of mental stress or emotional distress, Buer can bring a sense of calm certainty that makes you feel protected and safe. In this state, your healing can progress.
– Hargrove, Corwin. Goetia Pathworking: Magickal Results from The 72 Demons (Magick of Darkness and Light) (p. 54). Kindle Edition.
Sometimes cutting a cord and reconstituting a relationship from 0 can be helpful.
If you are, by self-admission, clingy, then ask yourself “Why? What shadow part makes it so?” Or: “what is it that I feel that I lack, that this other person fills?”
This will help you recognise the root cause of the issue you are having. Shadow work is not easy, but if you feel a slave to your affects, you are bound to lead a life of sorrow. Self-knowledge is the path to freedom.
If you are interested in shem, this might be counterintuitive, but Chabuiah (68th), may be of help in such a situation. It’s a very kind spirit and difficult to upset, that is patient for those in grief. There are others that may be of help, which I can’t vouch for, however, as I haven’t called. Mabaiah (55th) and Ornael (30th) seem especially relevant in this situation.
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sighh as someone going through the same thing, the only way to get him back is magick (duh) but also being okay with not having it. expect your magick and sigils and everything to work, but the unfortunate lesson is, you gotta let go. the tighter you hold on, the more he’ll try to run away. kevashiel is good for letting go of obsessive thoughts.
if you wanna get him back, you should. i’m trying to get my ex back (so he can apologize to me), but im also trying to work on myself so im not as “clingy” or “in need” ykwim? i won’t lie, i think my ex actually has a lot to make up for, but that’s the resistance and blockage that’s gonna take time to get through ykwim? the resistance is they don’t wanna face their feelings, so don’t face them.
my advice is probably not super great because i’m dealing with the same thing, but i know it can help to have someone going through the same stuff as you. if you can’t stop yourself from thinking about it/you can’t forget about it, then try to think about a really nice and sweet memory that makes you happy, if you can visualize, him contacting you , and say thankyou to whoever you’re petitioning.
you can dm me if you ever feel really bad or anxious, cause i get it, and i’ve been there
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Petition Haagenti (Goetic demon) or Kevashiel (Shem angel) to help you remove obsessive tendencies.
I feel the need to amend this statement - Chabiuah might very well be not as patient to those in grief, as I was under the impression he was. Difficult to upset I’ll leave up in the air.
The thing is, he’s mostly fine with me being clingy and everything just started turning to a slippery slope when arguments became frequent and he told me he felt “trapped” the past 2 months and gave up and i know that i caused most of the arguments because of my household always making me be in a state of panic attack. i just don’t understand and i stopped texting him this is day 2 and it’s so hard not to just say “hello” im so confused i don’t know if he’s moving on or waiting for me to do something im so lost
how do i start shadow work
As best that I understand it, you have to look either at the emotion you are feeling, or the thought you are having and find the corresponding schema within yourself.
I’ll try to keep it somewhat seperate from your situation, so it doesn’t serve as replacement for actual work.
So if, for example, you feel unsafe in public, there is also a thought that comes with it, maybe something like “other people see my weakness and will exploit it”. And then you ask yourself where does that thought come from, the logical next step here would be something like “I feel that I’m weak” (but you should also use your intuition, pure logic can’t solve this.) Also allow yourself to really sincerely feel what you are working through. Eventually you should reach some “Core Memory”, or “Core Image”, or “Core Belief”, something that lays at the foundation of the schema you are trying to understand and untangle. What you do with that, depends largely on you, it depends on the situation. But awareness is key, taking it in emotionally is important, and turning it into some action, also is relevant. You may think of the 4 worlds in this context or 4 elements.
can you give an example of an action i would do
Simply think about what you are feeling now and what are the sources of these feelings - feel them and ask yourself - “why do I feel this way?”
You can also look at your energetic body, this might be easier, for some sure is, and look for blocks, or wounds. The way I’ve heard it described is that energetically these look like black splinters, or shards.
I have also seen references on the forum to relying on Tarot to identify shadow problems - you could ask “what is the source of my current suffering?” or something like that (whatever vibes with you) and that could be a good first step to finding out what’s up.